Getting Over Social Anxiety
Getting over social anxiety is not easy.
But it is possible.
So you got social anxiety, huh?
‘Yea, I do. Any tips for me? This is driving me insane!’
I have plenty of tips for you, my friend.
But more importantly, it really comes down to how you turn those tips into vehicles for change.
Basically, unless you put in the WORK, your social anxiety will stay the way it is.
To illustrate this, let me tell you a little story.
High School Armani
Back when I was in high school, I was a bonafide loser.
Your boy had very few friends, would eat lunch by himself& couldn’t even talk to a girl for more than a few minutes.
I began 9th grade as a 5’3 kid, skinny as fuck & non existent confidence.
At that point in my life, I was still discovering who I was as a person. I was transitioning between styles on a weekly basis.
One week I had a skateboarder’s look, the next week I was experimenting with baggy clothes & the week after I was just winging it.
I had 0 clue what to do & how to behave in social interactions.
‘But Armani, why were you like this? Were you always such an awkward clown?’
Let’s take a quick flashback.
The Free Spirit from the Village
I was raised in a small village in Bangladesh.
During my time in my village, I was a loud, talkative kid that was always getting in trouble.
I had too many friends to keep a count of.
Social anxiety was a foreign concept to me during my childhood.
In my village, I was the one organizing hide & seek games, social activities & story sessions with my friends.
Life was good.
But all that changed…
My dad notified my family that life had gotten too dangerous in my village.
Murderers, killers & goons were running amuck.
We were no longer going to be able to live in the village.
‘So what was going to happen to your family?’
We were going to move.
A few plane tickets later, my family left the villages of Bangladesh to a brand new world.
Life in the City of Miami
Well, you guessed it.
We ended up settling down in Miami.
Holy shit was this place different…
Once we had moved into the new city, my dad had gotten very overprotective.
At this point, he was very hesitant to let my brother & me out of the house.
He would get worried that something bad would happen to us.
This wasn’t like our village where we knew most of the people in our area.
This was a brand-new culture with brand-new people and a brand-new lifestyle.
The next few years, I lived a very sheltered life.
I went to school, came back home, hung with my grandparents & parents, went to sleep & repeat.
Day in & day out.
Back to High School
So since you now know a little about my background, entering high school was pretty much an extension of being a sheltered kid growing up.
Talking to people felt very abnormal.
My body would clench up, thoughts would start running & I wouldn’t know what the fuck to say.
Which led me to be the weird kid that I was in 9th grade.
A few years went by …..
Until one day, something changed.
Getting Over Social Anxiety?
As a few years started piling on from my high school years, something unique happened.
I went from being a short 5’3 little kid to a 6’1 kid.
The sudden spurt in height had me more motivated than ever to go to the gym.
I worked out like a mad man on a daily basis.
I got swole as shit.
‘That’s great bro! You must have overcome your social anxiety by then, right?’
I must of, right? But no, I didn’t.
Instead, it got worse.
Because now I had expectations.
-When I was a small, dorky little kid, everyone expected me to be a loser.
-But when I was this tall kid in shape, everyone expected me to be a winner.
The fear of living up to the hype had my anxiety going worse than ever.
At this point, I had all the girls that I wanted.
All the dudes would give me props for being a stud.
But internally? I was a big mess.
Constantly second-guessing myself, getting nervous before social interactions & being afraid of people in general.
Why wasn’t the social anxiety going away??
Was I going to be like this forever?
One could only wonder…
‘So bro it’s been a decade since your high school days. Do you still have social anxiety?’
‘What do you mean, not quite?’
By that, I mean I have social excitement.
My friend, you are about to learn the principles of getting over YOUR social anxiety.
The remainder of this blog will change your life forever if you follow it to the tee.
‘Wow really?? You bet!!’
What changed from my Past to Now?
The main thing that changed is my perception of social events.
Want to know something?
Your social anxiety never fully goes away. It is a part of you like your arms, eyeballs & legs.
But guess what?
Your perception changes.
What was different from the past to now is that I had more social events under my belt, that’s it.
Compelling information, I know.
‘But bro, I have social anxiety. I don’t know if I can handle more social events!’
You can fam, trust me you can.
I’m going to give you some practical tips to turn your social anxiety into social excitement.
Because here’s the thing…
Anxiety and excitement are the SAME exact physical sensations. The only difference? How YOU view it.
You view anxiety in a negative light.
You view excitement in a positive light.
Your feelings are not always in your control, but your perception is.
So, let’s fix what you can control.
Social Understanding to Conquer Social Anxiety
Unfortunately, we were never given a course on social interactions growing up.
We were just told to figure out how to create small talk, build a friend, manage social bonds, etc.
And to be honest, many people don’t need a class on it. They think being social is easy.
But guess what?
That shit can be daunting for a lot of people who had a sheltered life growing up, moved to a new country, got bullied, etc.
The first step into getting over your social anxiety is by increasing your social intelligence.
If there were 2 books I would recommend, it would be:
These 2 books are brilliantly written & will help you understand how the social dynamics world works.
‘Social intelligence’ will help you understand how human nature works.
‘Charisma myth’ will give you a detailed breakdown of solid principles behind enhancing your charisma.
These 2 books will MASSIVELY help you out in the long run.
Knowledge -> Application
Now getting all the knowledge in the world doesn’t mean diddly squat without the application!
This is why you don’t want to spend all your time reading.
I specifically gave you ONLY 2 books for a reason. Once you are done reading them, it’s time to get to work.
There are 2 ways into getting over social anxiety.
Applying both together will SKYROCKET your progress.
Route 1: Public Speaking
‘Public speaking? The fuck you talking about Armani? We are talking about social anxiety, not speech anxiety.’
But want to know something cool? When you overcome speech anxiety, you over social anxiety as well.
Think about it. You are giving a speech in front of dozens of people all at once. When you are able to pull that off, one on one interactions & group events seems like light work!
For this tactic, you are tackling the beast first in order to make everything else feel easy.
It’s like learning to swim on the 6-foot side of the swimming pool, then learning how to swim on the 3-foot side.
Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Google local Toastmasters clubs to practice your public speaking skills asap.
Route 2: More Social Interactions
Now when I say more social interactions, don’t think you have to ONLY go to social events for this.
For route 2, anything that involves a human is a social interaction.
· Talking to the Uber driver.
· Creating small talk with the cashier.
· Complimenting the waitress.
You are going to consistently exercise your social muscle whenever you are out.
Every time you begin a conversation, you have taken the ACTIVE approach. Much better than sitting on your ass waiting for something to happen.
And each time you take the active approach, you see exponential progress, not gradual ones.
Improvements will stack up much faster than you can imagine at the moment.
Mindset for Social Anxiety
You need to get your mind right grasshopper.
Right now, you have a monkey mind (a wandering untamed mind). This causes you to think up a whole bunch of random scenarios.
You need to exercise your mind just like you exercise your body.
Meditation: Keep it simple. Find a quiet room, close your eyes & count your natural breaths.
Whenever you lose count, gently guide your focus back to your breath. Start off with 2 minutes a day & work your way up.
Journaling: Write about whatever is on your mind. Don’t spend too much thinking about the
exact wording, grammar, sentence structure, etc. Just write freely & you will feel your mind clarify each time.
Do these 2 exercises every day!
With time, you will notice yourself feeling more confident, calm & happy.
Have a Creative Hobby
Here is the funny thing about the human imagination.
When you do not use it, you will be used by it.
When you are not producing with your imagination, your imagination turns into an untamed monster.
Your imagination begins thinking up all these random negative scenarios.
*cough* social anxiety *cough*
‘So what do I do?’
You pick up a creative outlet!
It could be from anything like:
Whatever you pick, make it a part of your lifestyle.
If you want to avoid anxiety, then pick up artistry.
Life will never be the same.
My final bonus tip for getting over your social anxiety is by reading science fiction books.
‘Fiction books?? What the hell will that do?’
Fiction books get your brain thinking on a GRANDER scale.
It’s also a superb way to make your imagination work for you.
Your brain is being forced to turn words into images that are from out of this planet.
This gives your brain a workout like none other.
By the time you are done reading the books, your brain has been stretched to a new realm.
This allows for a spillover effect that has you viewing social interactions in a different way.
Don’t know if there is a principle behind this concept, but it worked for me.
After reading fiction, I shed a lot of limiting beliefs that dealt with social interactions, became more fluid in conversations
& thought of more random unpredictable topics to come off as engaging.
‘Gotcha! Any recommended books?’
I recommend reading the book ‘Dune’ series by Frank Herbert! Very fun book series that forces you to imagine.
Getting Over Social Anxiety?? You Bet!
With any combinations of:
· Social understanding
· Public speaking
· Social interactions
· Mindset workouts
· Fiction books
You can rewire your entire reality!!
That’s how you get over your social anxiety and turn it into social excitement.
If you are someone who goes thru social anxiety, understand that you can ALWAYS turn it around.
It’s all just about having the desire to do so.
When you change your perception of social events, you feel more fulfilled than ever.
You are surprised by how your past self ever could have had a problem with other humans.
And when you reach that stage, you will pass your info onto the next socially anxious person.
That’s how you pass your knowledge out to the world & become fulfilled in the process.
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