How To Find a Serious Relationship on a Dating App
At the end of the day, an introduction is needed.
How the introduction is made will depend.
Sometimes, you will meet a person via your social circle.
Other times, it will be a proposal.
At times, it could be running into them at a Starbucks.
Nowadays, the new medium of introduction is dating apps.
That’s all dating apps are.
Digital hubs where you can meet new people.
Do dating apps work?
Of course.
But you need to know what you want from it.
In this article, I’m going to share how to use dating apps to find a long-term relationship, not hookups!
I may write an article in the future for hookups.
However, I think hookups and dating apps are a numbers game.
So, there’s not much to say.
As for dating to find a long-term relationship, there are a few things you need to keep in mind.
Be Positive
There are going to be times when you think have found the right person.
You’re ready to finally cancel all the apps and be with this person.
Suddenly…
The person disappears.
Just like that, you have to start over.
You need to ask the basic small talk starter pack questions again!
- What do you do for fun?
- What do you do for a living?
- How are dating apps treating you?
- Blah blah blah.
This is soul-crushing.
I truly mean that.
You’ll feel physical pain when you are constantly on the verge of matching with someone, for it to only fail.
How does one stay positive in a situation like this?
Here’s a simple mantra I have:
- You only need one.
You only need one interaction to work out.
It is a volume game.
There are few people who get it right after the 10th try.
But for most people, it’s going to take a lot of swings.
Don’t be bummed out though, even the failures will help you get clear on what you want.
Once you match with the right person, the failures and heartbreaks will become comical stories you share with your match!
Stay positive.
Make Sure You’re on a Serious Platform
If you’re trying to find your life partner or Tinder, good luck!
Most people are going on that app to hook up.
You need to be on apps where people are serious about getting into a relationship.
Since I’m Desi, a few apps for me were:
- Dil Mil, Minder, Mirchi etc.
These were platforms where I met other serious Desi people.
Do You Really Want to Be Serious?
Recently, I was having a conversation with a buddy who turned 34.
He was asking me for suggestions on serious dating apps for Desis.
Then he added:
‘Yea man, my mom and dad won’t get off my back about finding a girlfriend.’
Uh oh.
Red flag!
Unless he wants to find someone serious first, then it won’t work.
Peer pressure from the parents will lead to initial momentum, for things to only fizzle out.
Because keeping a conversation going on a dating app is hard.
The average person will have at least 3 conversations going on at the same time.
Balancing 3 conversations, making sure you’re not asking the same person the same thing twice, and thinking of fresh topics feels like a full-time job.
It’s impossible to maintain this new full-time job without having a burning desire to find a partner.
You need to wait until YOU really want to be in a serious relationship.
Let’s say your parents didn’t care about your personal life.
What then?
Will you still look for a partner or not?
Avoid Detailed Checklists
One advice that a lot of dating coaches give is to get super specific:
‘Write down everything you want in your dream partner, and you will manifest them!’
This is awful advice.
Because the more items you add to your checklist, the more contradictory the checklist becomes.
A girl will write:
‘I want an ambitious man who makes me the #1 priority.’
Contradictory!
An ambitious man makes his skillset the #1 priority, not a woman.
A guy will write:
‘I want a virgin who will give it up to me on the first night!’
Contradictory!
If she’s been a virgin for this long, there’s a reason why.
Instead of writing these detailed checklists with 50+ items, write a 3-5 item priority list.
A priority list is a collection of non-negotiables.
Example:
- Must be willing to move to Texas.
- Is the same religion as me.
- Willing to have kids.
- Someone I’m attracted to.
Boom.
4 items.
Everything else can be worked with.
When you have a priority list, you feel like a weight has been lifted off your chest.
No more overthinking and disqualifying people for no reason.
Be Patient, Everyone Has Flaws
Everyone is going to have flaws.
Your goal is to keep the interaction going until a dealbreaker happens.
People have busy lives.
If someone is slow to respond for the day, don’t just cut them off for good.
Instead, just ride the waves.
Let me reiterate the following phrase:
- Ride the waves!!
A lot of people expect things to only go up.
But that’s not how the real world works.
Dating apps will teach you how to mature.
You’ll learn to deal with the uncertain feeling of whether or not you’re being ghosted, accidentally offending someone and slowly transitioning to the next conversation topic, dealing with differences in perspectives, etc.
Ride the waves, my friend.
View this screw-up as a tiny blip in the grand scheme of things.
Meet in Person
I’ve seen people who have been on these dating apps for months just texting away.
No Skype calls, phone calls, or meeting in person.
Your goal with the dating apps is not stay on the dating apps.
The goal is to get off!!
So, if you find someone you’re clicking with, initiate a phone call.
Then, get a Facetime going.
After that, get a real-life meetup going.
That’s where y’all can see if there is chemistry and compatibility.
If you’re just texting them via the app, then you’re missing the bigger picture.
For you to find a long-term relationship via dating apps, you need to hear their voice and see their eyes.
For more insights into relationships and emotional intelligence, check out the Armani Archives: EQ Edition
❤️Ebook
❤️Paperback/Kindle
❤️Audiobook
