How The Self-Love Movement Became Toxic
When I used to think of self-love, I thought of good things.
This was a person who was struggling with self-esteem issues but was working on it.
Key words:
- Working on it.
Nowadays, self-love has become another form of narcissism.
Where someone begins to act like they exist in a vacuum.
They care about what they want, do a bunch of bubble baths, and don’t consider the needs of others.
This is not self-love.
This is something far more sinister.
Those who engage in toxic self-love rock with others who also engage in the same bad behavior.
They encourage each other to only ‘look out for their lives.’
The folks who engage in toxic self-love recruit others into this lifestyle.
What exactly makes self-love toxic?
From Confident to Arrogant
The biggest difference between cocky and arrogant is being in touch with reality.
A confident person understands what is grounded in reality and accepts it.
While the arrogant person falsifies reality.
There are certain things we won’t fully get objective.
It’ll always be subjective.
However, there are rough metrics.
When I watch certain dating podcasts, I see a person who is average-looking saying she’s a 10.
A 10??
That means you’re perfect!
Not to be mean, but the person looks like she didn’t comb her hair, is a bit heavy, and has an average face.
This is my opinion, it’s not objective.
However, if I poll a bunch of folks, I don’t think the number will come close to 10.
Maybe 6.8-7ish.
This girl is not malicious when she states she’s a 10.
She’s just a victim of these new influencers who say that you need to love yourself.
Love yourself so much that you begin fooling yourself.
Even if you’re not a 10 to the outside world, you’re a 10 in your mind.
Normalizing Delusion
With all due respect to the girl claiming to be a 10…
You’re not a 10.
No one is a 10.
This is when identifying metrics may seem important, but it’s not.
It’s the principle of the matter.
It’s hard to engage in self-love when you already think you’re perfect.
It’s only possible to engage in self-love when you admit that you’re a flawed creature.
No one is perfect.
Some of us have self-esteem issues with:
- Our voice.
- Body type.
- Hair loss.
- Relationship status.
- Height.
- Income level.
Etc.
It’s not smart for a bald person to say.
‘I have a nice hairstyle.’
For the person to truly engage in self-love, they need to admit that they are bald.
Then they need to accept that they are bald.
Through that experience, self-love is cultivated.
[Cultivated implies that it’s an ongoing process.]
If this bald person says:
‘No, I have hair if you look closely at my head.’
Then this guy is stuck in delusional territory.
Being delusional leads to self-hate.
Why Confidence is At an All-Time Low
Clarity leads to confidence.
If someone tells me 3+1=9, I can confidently say that they are incorrect.
Why?
Because I know 3+1=4.
When I know something, I have confidence.
Clarity leads to confidence.
The reason that confidence is at an all-time low is because content online is too polarized.
Even if you think that content doesn’t affect you, it does.
Simply consuming content creates impressions in the mind.
It’s hard to be confident when we hear one thing one day, and another thing another day.
- “Saying that you’re 10 shows that you are confident.”
- “Saying that you’re 10 shows that you are delusional.”
These are radically different takeaways.
Which one is right?
Hard to tell.
With this confusion, clarity is lost…
How to Properly Exercise Self-Love
The first step to self-love is to admit your flaws.
It’s really that simple.
Once you admit your flaws, it feels refreshing.
I would say one of my flaws is committing to others.
I am confident in committing to my work because I have control.
However, I am not too comfortable committing to another person because it requires me to let go of control.
For a long time, I thought:
‘Nah, I just haven’t found the right person yet.’
That’s true.
Those folks were not right for me.
But even back then, if I had met the right person, I would’ve been hesitant to make anything official because of this flaw of mine.
When I admitted the flaw rather than run away from it, I felt relief.
I realized that flaws weren’t the end of the world.
Once I identified the flaw, I had 2 choices:
- Accept it.
- Work on it.
With the flaw of commitment issues, I didn’t just want to accept it.
I wanted to work on it!
Because I would like to find a life partner one day.
So, I worked on it, and nowadays, I feel more comfortable giving up some control.
My voice.
I like it, but don’t love it.
I have an accent that’s stuck between Bengali and English.
Some people criticize me for it while others say it makes me sound unique.
I’ve always viewed it as a flaw.
However, this is a flaw that I decided to accept.
I believe it adds a unique twist to the ArmaniTalks brand.
To show self-love:
- Identify flaw.
- Compartmentalize flaw:
- Accept or modify.
Slowly Building Confidence
Self-love isn’t about taking bubble baths and lighting candles.
It’s about actively working on yourself.
There is no incentive to work on yourself if you already think you’re perfect.
Therefore, it’s smart to admit that you’re a flawed creature.
In addition to that, when you admit you have flaws, there is more incentive to work with others.
When I admitted that I have some commitment issues, it made me actively work with others to deal with them better.
When you work with others, it shows that you don’t exist in a vacuum.
We are all intertwined, whether we want to deal with each other or not.
By understanding our role in society, toxicity melts.
Authentic self-love takes its place.
