Beware Who You Vent To

I know 2 types of people.

One group is an open book.

If you ask them a question, then you’ll get a flurry of responses.

Another group is closed off.

They don’t trust fast.

They take their time to trust anyone at all.

I believe being able to tap into either side is high ROI.

When we are capable of opening up, we build meaningful relationships.

When we can activate private mode, we maintain an aura of mystery.

It’s wise to be private.

Being too open can come back to bite us.

Especially being too open with strangers.

The Family Friends

I once knew someone who was going through a tough time.

He had just gotten kicked out of college due to poor grades.

Now he moved back with his parents.

The reason his grades were so bad was because he fell in love with a girl in his freshman year.

He thought he was going to be with her forever.

Nope.

As soon as he was sent back to his hometown, she immediately began hooking up with his best friend.

This guy was going through rock bottom.

One day, I went to a dawat with him.

A dawat is a get-together that brown people host.

This dawat was a tad bit awkward.

We were in a room with a few girls our age who we didn’t know that well.

For a while, the conversation was dry.

Soon, the guy who had been going through rock bottom began opening up.

He broke the ice by saying:

‘You all are ladies. Mind if I ask a question about a special girl?’

The other girls lit up.

Now there was something to talk about.

For the next hour, this guy was venting away.

He was venting about his broken love life, his awful grades, and how depressed he was.

He began getting a lot of sympathy from the girls.

He was getting all the attention.

I admired him for taking on the spotlight like that.

But something about the situation seemed wrong.

It seemed like he was okay with looking pathetic in front of strangers.

Whispers

His pathetic story was eventually repeated to the aunties.

All these girls told their moms how this guy screwed up college because of a girl.

His parents initially thought he was not smart enough to handle the college curriculum.

When they found out he threw away an entire year because of puppy dog love, they were furious.

They spent years saving up money for his college tuition.

And here he was, being so negligent.

I was relieved I didn’t open up like him.

These girls were strangers to us at that point.

We didn’t know them or their intentions.

Who To Vent To

I believe venting is fine in doses.

Absorbing all the troubles of life can weigh on us.

It’s good to unload the information on someone and decompress.

However, the only group of people we should vent to are those that we trust.

Here’s where my advice will get messy.

In the real world, men and women have their differences.

I believe women venting to men and women is fine.

But I believe who men should vent to is more nuanced.

Venting too much in front of a girl may make her lose attraction for you.

And venting too much in front of the boys may make them view you as incompetent.

A lot of men suffer in silence because of that.

I recommend venting to a close sibling if possible.

Or a friend that you view to be family at this point.

Other than that, content creation and journaling is one of the best uses of venting that can pay dividends in the future.

There is a concept known as “transformative art.”

Art that allows you to make sense of your experiences and rewire your perception.

ArmaniTalks is an example of that.

Rather than venting to everyone under the sky, I’ll write blogs, create YouTube videos and podcasts to organize my inner world.

I’m not saying that guys can never vent.

Just know that the optics for a guy venting and a girl venting are vastly different.

Here’s a Dark Real-World Truth

A few years back, there was a guy who told me that he and his girl were going to be breaking up.

When I heard that news, I immediately felt relief.

Then I was shocked.

Why was I relieved for?

The reason was because a few months earlier, I had a breakup.

After the breakup, I thought:

‘Damn, I’m a failure.’

When this guy told me that he had a breakup, I immediately thought:

‘Looks like I’m not the only one.’

After the initial joy, I went back to the present.

Wait, this was not a joyous situation, this was a bleak one.

If I were to feel initial joy by someone’s pain, then what do they feel about my pain?

I was taught a dark real-world truth that day.

• Most people do not care that you have problems.
• Some people are glad that you have problems.
• Now they don’t feel like they are the only ones with problems.

Venting in Doses

I normally don’t vent too much.

I have 3 close guy friends that I trust.

When we are talking about shared struggles, a random venting session does happen.

We just view it as reporting on reality.

For example.

Sam and I are both entrepreneurs.

We both deal with flaky clients.

When we talk about the flaky clients in detail, we both feel relief.

Sam and I are family at this point and I’m not the only one venting.

We are having a dialogue.

I believe venting is fine.

Just avoid overdoing it.

If there is no rapport with the person, then they may be gathering intel to potentially take you down.

Just like the girls did with the pathetic guy that day.

For more insights into social skills, be sure to check out the Charisma King

– ArmaniTalks