What’s Social Anxiety?
I’ve been seeing a lot of those Masterclass commercials recently as I wait for a Youtube video to load.
Normally I skip all ads once the ‘skip ad‘ section comes up.
But there was one ad that was different.
It was this ad with Chris Hadfield.
He is a former astronaut.
‘What made this particular ad different?’
Well, I was always into space. So that part caught my eye.
But what kept me hooked was this one line that he said.
The more you know, the less you fear.
It was such a powerful line.
And so true as well.
It hit home because this was coming from an astronaut who has literally been in space.
The home of the unknown.
The more you know, the less you fear.
‘Why is this important for social anxiety?’
It is important because we often fear social interactions due to not knowing much about it.
We have no clue why we feel fearful in the first place.
This causes a level of reactivity rather than responsiveness.
Today, I am going to give a very basic understanding of social anxiety.
This blog post isn’t meant to be an in-depth discussion on social skills.
Rather, the exact opposite.
(If you want recommended social skills books, I did a blog post here.)
Instead, I am going to talk about the fundamentals of social anxiety, so you have more clarity on the topic.
With the knowledge, you can gain frameworks to dissect your own life the next time you feel social anxiety.
Without further ado, let’s begin.
Social Anxiety Definition
There are plenty of definitions for the word out there.
But one of the definitions for social anxiety which stuck out was:
A chronic mental health condition in which social interactions cause irrational anxiety.
I like this definition because it has one keyword that sticks out.
And that word is ‘irrational.’
Typically when you feel social anxiety, you are sort of annoyed with yourself.
‘Get over it, why do you feel so nervous?’ you ask yourself.
But remember, it’s typically difficult to logic with emotions.
Emotions are more so meant to be experienced & understood, rather than hit straightway with logic.
Logic has its part in the world.
But with social anxiety, the real logic is intuition & introspection.
You gotta feel the emotions from within.
But you don’t know how to exactly do that yet.
‘Why don’t I?’
Because you don’t know WHEN you get social anxiety in the first place…
Let’s change that.
When Does Social Anxiety Happen?
You ever had that moment when you were at an event that you were initially dreading and thought:
‘THIS is the event that had me soo nervous? This event isn’t bad at all! It’s actually quite enjoyable.’
I’m sure you can think of a handful of moments like that.
This happened because your imagination got the best of you leading up to the event.
Read the last sentence again.
LEADING up to the event.
In the social world, social anxiety is formed leading up to an event, not so much during the event.
But we are often oblivious to that.
We think that this event is going to be so scary.
Picture you got a wedding coming up on Wednesday.
And it is a Friday the week before.
Well, you are gonna go from Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday & the especially the beginning of Wednesday dreading this event.
You spend soo many days feeling fearful to only notice that the event that you were dreading so much was pretty fun.
‘Why does it matter if I feel social anxiety before the event rather than the actual event itself?’
Because that allows you to realize that you are fearing an illusion.
And it allows you to know WHEN to tackle the solution.
Most of anxiety happens when we are anticipating something in the unknown.
But when you finally WAKE UP and realize that you are already going thru the ‘unknown’, that’s when you have more power to do something about it.
Which leads me to my next point.
2 Ways to Deal with Social Anxiety
Once you spot that your social anxiety happens leading up to the event rather than the actual event in itself, that’s when you have more control.
You realize that you can go thru the days before, experiencing your emotions rather than trying to bulldoze it with logic.
Also, you feel a sense of calm knowing that you are technically going thru the worst part now.
In the safety of your own home.
Yep, most of social anxiety happens in the mind.
In your home.
Not in front of others.
Now with that out there, let’s try 2 mind hacks.
- Social Anxiety = Social Excitement
- Body Meditation
Social Anxiety = Social Excitement
I like this social mind hack because of the importance of words.
Words were created to communicate our ideas.
But words serve more purpose than that.
In my eyes, words are a form of technology.
And if you aren’t aware, words influence your perception.
‘Anxiety’ what a yucky word.
No beauty to it.
‘Excitement’ what elegance.
I like the word excitement.
When you analyze your body, you realize the physical sensations of anxiety and excitement are virtually the same.
- Picture yourself going up on stage to speak in front of 500 people. Anxiety.
- Picture yourself at the TIP of the roller coaster before it’s about to plunge. Excitement.
Same physical sensations.
Different perceptions.
During the lead up to the social event, focus on using words that aid you.
‘I am feeling a lot of social excitement right now.’
This seems like a small trick. But does wonders for your perception long term.
Body Meditation
Earlier, I said that you cannot logical your way into building emotional intelligence.
Gotta FEEL the emotions.
Put on your big boy pants and look IN rather than finding ways to distract yourself in the outside world.
When you feel a lot of tension for the upcoming event, FEEL the sensations.
Bring conscious awareness into it.
And be detailed too.
Which body parts do you feel sensations?
Where exactly within the body parts?
How does the sensation feel?
Is your body warm?
Etc.
Being detailed with the sensations allows you to build your emotional literacy.
Rather than just using basic words like ‘happy’, ‘mad’, ‘sad’ etc.
You are able to delve much deeper.
Body meditation is just sitting and being aware of your body.
After doing this for some time, you’ll realize it’s pretty therapeutic.
The Elephant In the Room
As this blog winds down, I want to address one last thing.
WHY exactly does social anxiety happen?
In this beginning of the blog, I gave you the WHAT (the definition) of social anxiety.
But were you curious about the why?
I was always curious myself.
And after some introspection, I realized it was because I was putting too much spotlight on myself.
Then I did some research and found out there was a psychological phenomenal for when you place too much attention on yourself.
It’s called the ‘spotlight effect.’
The spotlight effect is one of the MAIN reasons humans put a ton of pressure on themselves.
We trick ourselves into believing that we are the main character in someone else’s world.
But that isn’t the case.
We are the main character in our worlds & an extra in other people’s worlds.
This doesn’t seem like rocket science.
But when you can truly internalize this concept, you begin to realize the ROOT cause of social anxiety.
I gave you this section last because this is a concept that you need to meditate on.
You aren’t the main character of other people’s worlds… You are an extra in other people’s worlds.
To illustrate this, picture that one time you saw someone slip and fall in public.
In their world, they were mortified. Probably spent their entire day thinking about their fuckup.
But in your world? You probably had a good laugh & went about your day.
Learn this simple, yet profound concept.
You are the main character only in your world & an extra in the mind movies of others.
When you digest this, social anxiety weakens its holds over you.
Social Anxiety Melts like Ice in Sun
The more that you equip yourself with the right knowledge & take the right action, the more resilient that you become.
Like the astronaut stated:
The more you know, the less you fear.
But knowing isn’t just about reading books.
It’s about legit applying.
The emotional intelligence world is different than the world of school.
- In school, you got the lesson and then the test.
- In the real world, you get the test & strive to find the lessons.
Emotional intelligence isn’t something that you can just learn about.
It’s something that you need to experience.
This blog has given you the knowledge.
Now it’s up to you to channel the knowledge to come out taming the beast known as social anxiety.
What makes others terror will simply be light work for you.
Now go & level up.
– ArmaniTalks 🎙️🔥
