Why Being Loyal to a Fault is a Bad Thing

Being loyal to a fault is when you will go through the ups and the downs with someone…no matter what.

The idea seems noble.

What other kind of loyalty can possibly exist?

However, this type of loyalty comes with a dark side.

• It’s impossible to enforce boundaries and be loyal to a fault at the same time.

The ideas are contradictory.

I’ll break that down shortly.

Unless it’s a family member, being loyal to a fault is not a good thing.

It’s dumb.

Growing Apart as Friends

I knew this one guy who became an alcoholic after his girl broke up with him.

He was a good guy that I always had a soft spot for because he was my first friend in college.

I took time to help him with his alcoholism, as did the other friends.

The problem was that this alcoholic buddy didn’t think he had a problem.

Even when others showed him videos of him acting like a fool on tape, he’d be like:

‘That guy surely does look like me!’

His actions got worse over time.

He began to do snake-like things.

At this point, I was full of ambition and was looking to level up.

He was becoming deadweight.

So, I distanced myself from him.

Other people in the friend group still put in effort to help him act like a grownup.

They entered the rat race to help him mature.

One day, this alcoholic showed progress.

The next day, he was back to acting like a baboon.

The day after, he was showing progress again.

And the day after?

You guessed it.

The baboon was unleashed.

I found it comical that these folks were going through that rat race.

It was noble that they were putting in the effort to help him out.

Unfortunately, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help.

Boundaries and Loyal to a Fault Cannot Exist

You think that being loyal to a fault and boundaries can exist until you are given a radical circumstance.

Imagine that you tell your girlfriend:

‘Before I make you my wife, I just want to express a few of my boundaries.’

One of the boundaries is that cheating is a dealbreaker.

If your partner ever slept with another guy, then you’d call it off.

After that, you say that you’d love her no matter what.

No matter what??

That sounds like loyal to a fault to me.

For the first 7 years, the relationship goes smoothly.

By the 8th year, things begin to go downhill.

You’re busy at work, and the wife feels lonely.

Her gym trainer is giving her attention.

A few months in, he’s giving her more than just attention.

She ends up cheating.

The boundary has been crossed.

Do you end it??

Well, you did say you’d love her “no matter what.”

Cheating falls under no matter what.

See the pickle you have found yourself in?

• Being loyal to a fault and boundaries cannot coexist.

You need to pick one.

Is Being Loyal to a Fault Ever Fine?

I think the only time it’s fine to be loyal to a fault is with family.

The reason why is because we are connected with them by blood.

That’s a pretty weak argument, I know.

I’m not trying to make a compelling case.

Because the folks that I have seen be loyal to a fault defied compelling cases when it involved their family.

In undergrad, I knew 2 brothers.

One brother (the older one) was busted in a sting operation for trying to meet up with an underage girl.

The news went viral.

Most people began disassociating themselves from the older brother.

The only people who stood by his side were his mom, dad, and little brother.

I was cool with the little brother, so I asked him what he thought.

He said that his brother did something bad, but he wasn’t going to abandon him.

For him, the decision was made once the family got the news of the bust.

He defied logic.

You can push this argument to radical lengths.

‘So, you’re saying that you can be loyal to a fault with a brother who is a serial killer?’

Yes.

When it comes to family, I’ve seen folks defy all rational arguments.

Don’t Have Your Time Wasted

When you have little to no purpose, you’re unable to spot toxic people.

All people just seem like people.

When people are being toxic around you, you confuse it as “passion.”

But when you’re leveling up, your perception changes.

It’s easier to spot who is adding value to your life vs taking away your energy.

The book, Rich Dad Poor Dad, wasn’t only about finance.

It was about life.

• Are they an asset or a liability?

These are the only 2 options when you’re leveling up.

Unfortunately, many people are going to fumble plenty of times in life and won’t learn from their mistakes.

They don’t even think they are making a mistake.

They’ll try to pull you down with them.

If you don’t value your time, then go ahead and be loyal to a fault.

Just know that time is passing regardless.

If you value your time, know when to distance yourself from liabilities.

No need to burn the bridge completely.

Just know when to close the door for a few chapters.

Be Loyal but Not Too Loyal

The reason no one respects your boundaries is because you never enforce them.

If you never enforce your boundaries, then others will make the habit of disrespecting you.

And you’ll tolerate the disrespect because you think you’re being a “standup guy.”

Nope.

You’re being a dummy.

Be loyal.

When someone has your back, have their back too.

But when someone keeps fumbling around you, know that loyalty to a fault will just waste your time.

10 years will pass.

You’ll look back and think:

‘Dang, I wasted so much time on this idiot and I have nothing to show for it.’

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