Who is the “Tell-It-Like-It-Is” Friend?

The wrong friends will let you keep making the same mistake over and over again.

While the right friend will solve your problem really quick.

The issue is that the right friend has a harsher approach.

They mean well, but their delivery is harsh.

A person who tells you the truth without any filter is the “tell-it-like-it-is” friend.

From the outside, others will perceive this person as a jerk.

However, you have a rapport with him.

You tell others:

‘That’s just Sam being Sam. I’ve known him since I was a little kid. He only tells me things that he believes to be true. No sugar coating.’

Sometimes the tell-it-like-it-is friend will give you bad advice.

Their intention matters though.

He will never sugarcoat anything.

Why So Many People Waste Time Nowadays

I was scrolling on social media recently and I saw this one person talking about how they just had a bad date.

In the video, they were making fun of the other person they went on a date with.

The person who recorded the video was trying to make the date look bad but was only making themselves look bad.

I thought the people in the comments would be reprimanding the initial poster, but no…

Instead, everyone condoned the bad behavior.

• ‘Better luck next time.’
• ‘You did nothing wrong.’
• ‘Hopefully, you find your happiness. You deserve it.’

Blah blah blah.

I thought of an analogy.

It’s like going to a shitty restaurant and giving them a 5-star review.

No one wins from this transaction.

• The restaurant has no desire to get better.
• We lied.
• Future customers will get a bad experience.

People who are too soft with their feedback lead to others wasting their time.

How the Tell-It-Like-It-Is Friend Operates

The tell-it-like-it-is friend won’t always tell you the truth, but they will always tell you their truth.

They aren’t going to sugarcoat anything.

If one of their friends keeps messing up, they will bluntly say:

‘With all due respect, this isn’t your manager’s fault. This is your fault.’

The tell-it-like-it-is friend initially causes a lot of friction.

No one likes being criticized.

Especially the person who is feeling the wrath of the mean advice.

It’s like swallowing a bitter pill.

At first, it’s tough.

Eventually, you feel better.

As time passes, the perception of the tell-it-like-it-is friend changes.

You begin to think:

‘All these people tell me what I want to hear, but this guy tells me what I need to hear.’

A lot of celebrities go on these terrible spirals because they don’t have a tell-it-like-it-is friend.

They just have a bunch of brown nosers in their crew.

Brown nosers are like snacks.

They initially feel good, but over time, they cause us to gain weight.

That weight holds us back in life.

How to Be a Tell-It-Like-It-Is Friend

You don’t have to be too honest with everyone.

Where you are openly criticizing everyone because that’s what your heart told you to do.

There is an art to keeping an opinion to yourself.

That’s the first rule to being a tell-it-like-it-is friend:

• You don’t have to be friends with everyone.

Once you have ruled out the people who don’t need your advice, spot those who do.

The people who need your advice will either come up to you asking for advice, or they will repeatedly tell you a situation where they messed up and are blaming someone else for it.

During these situations, you can either take the permissioned approach or the permissionless approach.

If they ask you for advice, simply ask:

‘Do you want the truth, or do you want the sugar-coated version?’

This question automatically puts the other person on alert.

Obviously, they are not going to say:

‘The sugar-coated version please.’

Because that makes them look weak.

They will say, ‘give me the truth.’

This time, they will be more receptive to what you say.

You asked for permission and got it.

The other strategy is permissionless.

You just tell them what’s on your mind.

‘Bro, you’re being a pussy! It’s only a 7-minute talk. Just give it and go about the rest of your week. You’re not that important. Even if you mess up, others are not going to spend all week thinking about it.’

The person was just venting to you…

Then you snapped with a tell-it-like-it-is moment.

The permissionless strategy is like playing with fire.

For some, it’s like being splashed on the face with cold water.

They appreciate you for it.

While others are caught off guard.

Those who are caught off guard may initially be upset, but after some processing, they see where you were coming from.

If they are slow to see where you were coming from, just hit them up and say:

‘I only tell you how I feel because I’m looking out for you.’

A Word of Caution to Being a Tell-It-Like-It-Is Friend

No one is right 100% of the time.

You need to understand this.

A lot of tell-it-like-it-is friends begin to get a big head over time.

They think their opinion is the only opinion out there.

If others disagree, they’ll say:

‘Those guys are just telling you what you want to hear. They don’t have the balls to tell-it-like-it-is like I do.’

Avoid getting a big head.

Know that you can be wrong too.

Your main goal as the tell-it-like-it-is friend is to give advice from the heart to close peers.

Other than that, let people live their own lives.

Also, avoid the permissionless approach too much.

If you keep giving advice to people who didn’t ask, they will view you as a nitpicker.

Occasionally, do the permissionless strategy when they are on the verge of messing up big time or they keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

Other than that, ask them if they want the truth or not.

Knowing when to sit out is the sign of a growing “tell-it-like-it-is” friend.

If you don’t have a friend who will tells it like it is, then find one.

These people will save you years of your time.

For more insights into social skills and human dynamics, check out the Charisma King eBook.