What is Strategic Anger & How Does it Work?

Strategic anger is when we get angry with intent.

This type of anger is unleashed for the greater good.

This move is the dynamite of the social skills world.

It can get you in a lot of trouble.

A lot of judgment is needed before unleashing this move.

However, with strategic anger, things get done.

It injects some enthusiasm into a lazy employee who is slacking.

When they get yelled at, there is urgency for them to do their job.

Story of Strategic Anger

When I first moved into my place in 2019, I was having a lot of issues with the internet.

Connection would come and go.

One Friday evening, I lost my internet connection.

I called customer support, and some lady picked up.

I could sense the lady didn’t want to be there.

We were going back and forth for a while.

Then she said:

‘I’ll have someone check out your internet issue next week.’

Next week??

I explained to the lady that I had the same issue the week prior and the gentlemen from customer support also said 1 week.

But after I told him it was an emergency, he escalated the issue and sent someone the same day.

I told the lady to escalate the issue.

She refused.

At this point, her ego was invested.

We began going back and forth.

I began yelling at her and she began yelling at me.

I got my “Karen” on and asked for her manager.

She got her manager on the line.

Clearly, she painted me as a hostile person because he came in with defensive energy.

‘Sir, I believe my staff told you that we can’t send anyone till next week!’

Luckily for me, the guy who fixed my internet the week prior told me the fix.

He told me to ask for a server reset.

It was a technical move, only a few people knew how to do it.

I told the manager to either send someone or restart the server.

His ego was invested as well.

‘Trust me sir, we can’t.’

After I yelled at him, he said:

‘Okay, okay, I guess I can try restarting the server. But trust me, it won’t work.’

He restarted the server.

And like clockwork, my internet began working.

He sounded embarrassed when I told him my internet was back in full force.

Do I Regret Yelling at the 2 Employees?

After being 4 years removed from that moment, do I regret my actions?

Drumroll please!

Nope, not at all.

I wish I yelled at them louder.

Granted, their feelings must have been hurt when I yelled at them.

And I don’t like behaving like that.

But I do believe my actions led to the greater good.

Afterward, I was able to do the client call that I had scheduled.

Me and my client had a breakthrough session.

Long story short, this client was hesitant to publish his videos on LinkedIn.

He recorded a bunch of videos on his phone but was scared to publish.

Within that session, I had him scream REALLY loud.

In content creation, a timely yell can flame limiting beliefs.

After many tries, he finally yelled at the top of his lungs.

5 hours later, he published his first LinkedIn video.

Now imagine if my internet was not fixed that day.

Imagine I tried having that breakthrough session with him in Starbucks.

There would have been a lot of background noise.

It wouldn’t have felt like a personal setting.

Also, it would have been strange of me to yell at my laptop while saying:

‘Come on, yell! Come on!! You can do it.’

I’d disturb the other patrons in Starbucks and come across as a madman.

Getting my internet issue resolved that day was me losing the battle to win the war.

I lost the battle because I lost my cool.

I’ll take responsibility for that.

But in the bigger picture, I believe I won.

This client is a subject matter expert in his field.

His followers will win because this client now has the courage to post his wisdom for free on LinkedIn.

Plus, if I didn’t yell at the workers, I believe it would have encouraged bad behavior.

In the future, if a patron asked:

‘Can you restart the server or escalate the issue?’

These goofy workers would be like:

‘We can’t, sir. We just got done telling another gentleman last week it couldn’t be done.’

They’d feel emboldened to display bad behavior.

When to Show Strategic Anger

For the most part, being patient is a good strategy.

In the real world, companies are often short-staffed, there are knowledge gaps, technical issues, etc.

Yelling at the first sign of inconvenience is the immature thing to do.

Every now and then though, anger is needed in my opinion.

I read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” a few years ago.

Dale’s advice for resolving a conflict was to talk it out with the other person.

Ask strategic questions to lead them to your desired goal.

All that sounds fine and dandy, but in the real world, that’s terribly inefficient.

Strategic anger infuses urgency in the worker.

That’s what I look for before I get mad.

• Is there a reason to be urgent?

I needed the internet that day.

That was very important.

If I didn’t get it in time, a lot of variables would have been knocked off.

If the urgency element is there, then I’m not against anger.

It’s a judgment call.

Beware of Burning Bridges

I’m lucky that the customer support didn’t just hang up on me or say:

‘We are canceling your service altogether.’

That could have easily happened.

Luckily for me, the Hail Mary worked.

The strategic anger led to a series of results that got my internet issue resolved.

View strategic anger like that.

It’s a Hail Mary.

At times, the receiver will catch the ball.

Other times, the receiver will miss the catch, and y’all will lose the game.

For more insights into emotional intelligence, be sure to get the Armani Archives: EQ edition

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