Social Superpower: Breaking the Ice in Conversations
There are 2 types of people:
- Those who break the ice.
- Those who have the ice broken.
The meaning of “breaking the ice” is to introduce yourself to someone.
I love that phrase by the way.
In order to break the ice more effectively, there is a key ingredient that needs to be present:
Intent.
Either the intent is ON or not.
If it’s anywhere in the middle ground territory, then congratulations…
Your body language will come off as creepy.
Breaking the ice is a high-risk high-reward move in the social world.
Let’s learn how to break the ice like a winner.
Example of Breaking the Ice
Most universities have a process called orientation.
During the orientation, upcoming students learn how the school works, gets to know the staff & meets other potential classmates.
The orientation may be daunting for some.
This is the first time students are leaving the comforts of high school to move away to college.
Luckily, the social chairs at the orientation have activities planned.
Some of those activities are unorthodox.
During my orientation, one of the icebreakers to get everyone loose was a game called Freeze it.
This is when we would have conversations with random people at the event.
But when the coordinator said FREEZE IT, that’s when the conversations stopped & one person had to carry the other person in their arms.
They had to freeze.
It was an awkward position, yes.
However, it got everyone loosened up & laughing.
After the event, there was a girl named Paula who was making fun of a guy she just met named Jorge.
‘Jorge, you’re the guy. I thought when they said “freeze it” you were going to be picking me up. Not the other way around!’
A few of the other kids started laughing.
And more social bonds gradually formed from there.
The Purpose of Breaking the Ice in Conversations
As you saw in the example above, the main purpose of breaking the ice in conversations is to have:
Fun.
This is difficult for an adult mind.
The adult mind is primed to think that ‘fun‘ is a form of slacking.
But with social skills, ‘fun’ is a coveted quality of charismatic people.
That’s because others are often nervous & looking for the guidance of a fun person to have fun themselves.
In my book, Speak Easy: How to Be Articulate Assertive & Audacious around People.
I introduce a concept called Confidence Irony.
This is when:
- We undermine our own confidence.
- And we over-amplify someone else’s confidence.
It’s smart to do the opposite.
Envision yourself to be more confident than you really are.
And envision the other person is not that confident.
This dynamic leads to a more playful attitude from your end.
Get a more detailed breakdown of people skills in Speak Easy.
Currently, available on Amazon:
Benefits of Breaking the Ice in Conversations
It seems so complex from the outside.
But it’s rather simple from the inside.
Either break the ice or have the ice broken.
At the core of EVERY friendship, these were the only 2 options present.
Breaking the ice first is a bold move because it requires more uncertainty.
The world rewards people who take on uncertainty.
However, with great rewards comes the potential for great risks as well.
Therefore, swaths of people opt-out of breaking the ice in conversations.
The ‘what if’ narrative gets activated.
- What if they laugh at me?
- What if they yell at me?
- And what if they mock me?
These risks exist, yes.
However, striking big on the rewards can make up for that.
The rewards come down to creating social assets at will.
When you win, you win big & wide.
Meaning, it’s easier to catch more social bonds in different events.
And you can form connections with BIG players in their field.
This is an active method to building a social network.
If breaking the ice went well, then it becomes easier for them to refer you to their friends.
Which is known as passive networking.
How to Break the Ice in Conversations
Small talk gets so much hate.
However, it’s a must in terms of breaking the ice in conversations.
I doubt you’re going to be talking about the meaning of life in the first-liner.
When meeting a stranger, envision that they have a wall up.
Envision the hand movement which implies STOP.
Your goal is to gradually get this wall to come down, bit by bit.
And we are going to do that with simplicity.
Earlier, I said the key to social interactions was to have fun.
The times we have the most fun are when things are simple.
Bring the wall down with simple moves such as:
- Noticing their outfit.
- Making a remark about the event.
- Or saying a simple hello.
It’s even better when doing these moves with a smile.
Once the wall is coming down, build a bridge.
Building the bridge means to build rapport.
Speed up rapport by finding similarities with the other person.
Go in with the intent of finding at least 1 similarity between the 2 of you.
Even if you live in the Sahara Desert.
And this guy is an Eskimo.
Structure the conversation to find ATLEAST 1 similarity.
Rather than asking incongruent questions like ‘how’s the coffee’, followed up with ‘how’s the weather?’
Now there is a theme to the conversation.
-If you find similarities, great.
-If you don’t, then at least the 2 parties know more about each other.
Recap:
- Bring down the wall with simplicity.
- Build the bridge with similarities.
Breaking the Ice & Increasing Social Value
Breaking the ice is a skill set.
A muscle to be exact.
There is a thing called the social muscle which exists.
Invisible, yes.
However, it’s potent.
The more this muscle is worked out, the more a person:
There are a few things like breaking the ice in a conversation.
Mainly because of the slew of other benefits which come:
- Enhanced social circle.
- More confidence.
- Social opportunities all around!
For more strategies to improve your Social Skills, be sure to check out the Charisma King.
A practical book that will help you create more social assets, build compelling conversations & tell jokes with ease!
Learn More Here
– ArmaniTalks 
