Should You Stay in Touch with Your Ex?

Should You Stay in Touch with Your Ex?


The quick answer is no.

You should not stay in touch with your ex.

This needs an explanation for some couples though.


Because each relationship is different.

When you try to get a general principle and apply it to your relationship, it won’t always work.


Here’s my philosophy:

  • Unless you have kids with your ex, there is no reason to keep in touch with an ex.

Especially if you have a partner.


‘But Armani, me and my ex were best friends before we started dating. Can’t we just go back to being friends?”


Once you date someone, there is no going back to being friends.


It’s sort of like shattering a mirror.

You can’t just unshatter it.


Why It’s Inappropriate to Stay in Touch with Your Ex


It’s inappropriate to stay in touch with your ex because it blurs the boundaries of your current relationship.

You may be okay with keeping in touch with a former flame, but who is to say that your partner is okay with it?


If it’s the beginning of a relationship, then your partner will put up a front and say they are okay with it.

Because they don’t want any unnecessary arguments.


But overtime, any self-respecting person will think:

‘Why does my partner need to talk to their ex on the phone for so long? What are they talking about?’


This brings in a cloud of resentment over time.


When you give someone all of you, you get all of them.

However, you are not giving them all of you.

You are giving them some of you, and your ex some of you.


Soon, your partner becomes more aloof around you.


People process a lot of information on a subconscious level.

Your partner may initially have no clue they are bothered by you talking to your ex.

Their gut is telling them something is wrong, but their logical mind is slow to catch up.


All they know is that they are not getting all of you.


Bad Things Can Happen


There are countless stories of people who cheat on their current partners with their ex.


Imagine Mary and Jake are dating.

Mary used to date a guy named Paul.


Jake is cool with Mary still talking to her ex, Paul.

They used to be childhood best friends, you know…


Jake and Mary start their relationship strong.

Everything is going well.


A few months in, they begin arguing more.

The arguments get more heated.


Where do you think Mary is going to go when she can’t talk to Jake?

Paul, of course!


She begins venting to Paul.

Paul listens.


Paul begins talking about the good ole’ days.

How times were simple when him and Mary used to date.


Mary is taken down memory lane.


What started as a venting session soon becomes a hookup session.

Just like that, Mary threw away her relationship.


Being civil is great.

But being civil while ignoring biology is idiotic.


In this situation, I blame Jake.

You have to create some boundaries for your relationship.

If you don’t, then you will get burned.


The Only Exception to Keeping in Touch with Your Ex


I believe the only exception to keeping in touch with a former flame is if you have kids with them.

If you have kids with them, then it’s almost impossible to not say a word to them.


Even if you could say nothing, that’s poor optics for the kids.

It’s better to keep it civil so the kids can see 2 adults maturely work through tension.


‘What about pets, Armani? If I shared a pet with my former flame, is it okay to keep in touch with them?’



Pets aren’t as severe as kids.

This will ruffle some feathers, I know.


But if my partner is like:

‘Armani, I need to talk to my ex so I can see our dog.’

I would have a visceral feeling of disgust.


I’d just say, ‘get another dog!’

I don’t care how much you loved the prior dog.

You seeing your dog does not give you the right to see an ex.


Keep it simple.

  • The only reason to keep in touch with an ex is if you have kids with them.

Dogs, parrots, and cats are NOT fair game.


Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes


A relationship needs boundaries.

Without boundaries, things will get confusing.


I know a lot of guys who hate talking on the phone.

But their girl loves talking on the phone.


She suggests she can talk to her ex, who used to be her best friend.

Since they were best friends a while back, they love talking to each other on the phone.


The guy thinks:

‘Someone else will entertain her? That means I’m off the hook!’


Yes, you are off the hook with talking to her on the phone.

But you are putting yourself on another hook because you are allowing her to communicate with someone she used to have a romantic relationship with.


You traded in one problem for another!


Don’t fall into these games.

Tell her:

‘Talk to someone else, not an ex.’


Or suck it up and talk to her on the phone more.

When you take shortcuts, you often end up with horrendous results.


Give Your Partner the Most Attention


I still don’t know how some people are cool with their partner keeping in touch with an ex.

Where they are having phone calls, texting, and tagging each other in memes.


People have gotten soft.

They are too quick to accept anything.


Learn how to NOT accept something.

If you accept anything, then there is too much confusion.


When you are clear on what you won’t accept, surprisingly, you improve your partner’s decision-making capabilities!


Be stern.

No keeping in touch with an ex.


If they are adamant to stay in touch with an ex, then let them go.

I’m sure you’ll find someone better.


For more insights into emotional intelligence, check out the Armani Archives: EQ Edition





– ArmaniTalks 🎙️🔥


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