Argument vs Discussion
Are you unable to distinguish an argument from a discussion?
If so, chances are you are making a huge social error.
That social error is when you take the path of an argument, and confuse it for a discussion.
You may be scratching your head, because up until now you had no clue that the 2 were any different.
And if they are different, what makes it so?
Point blank, arguments are done by the socially unintelligent & discussions are done by the socially intelligent.
It’s much better to fall into the latter category.
I’ve made the error of arguing when I should have been discussing in plenty of moments of my life.
Let’s make sure that you don’t make the same mistake.
Today, we will be entering the world of social dynamics.
What is the Difference Between an Argument &Discussion?
The core difference is:
Arguments aim to find out who is right.
Discussions aim to find out what is right.
‘But what if I am actually right?’
That’s great for you.
But a human’s ego prevents them from acknowledging how right you are.
You ever had that moment when you knew you were right & even took it a level further by explaining your position with facts, patterns & logic? But as you explained to the other person your position, they were completely blinded to all of your information? Instead of listening to your logic, they just dug their heels deeper into the ground?
‘Yea that’s happened to me a few times!’
Well, that is the perfect scenario for how human ego’s prevent others from admitting defeat.
And even if you do get them to admit defeat, they will do so begrudgingly.
It’s a perfect case of when you win, you actually lost.
But Arguing feels GOOD
Okay, want to know a secret?
Many people argue because it feels good.
They get a thrill out of it.
A lot of humans go day by day holding onto a lot of steam from their daily problems. So they just await the perfect opportunity to unload on someone to release the tension.
Once they release everything, they feel good in the intial stages.
But as time passes, they feel a sense of shame.
Arguing is an act that allows you to feel & unload emotions.
Which is why unless you check yourself, you’ll have yourself WILLINGLY choosing this route.
Discussion is slightly different because it is more of a logical act.
You have to put your big boy pants on & be patient.
No one likes to be patient.
But it is the small mental transitions that separate someone who is socially unintelligent from someone who is socially intelligent.
How to stop Arguing & Start Discussing
Typically there will be a minimum of 1 person getting hostile.
And when that hostility is sparked, it leads to the other person feeling a sense of hostility as well.
Although you cannot control the other person’s moves, you can control yours.
‘How should I handle myself if someone is being hostile?
Take a breather & let that person finish.
At this moment, they are not necessarily talking with their logical brain, but rather their emotional brain.
Let them unload & say whatever they want to say.
On your end, be very attentive & curious.
With the curiosity, you will put the other at ease.
It’s funny but being genuinely curious whether the other person is heated or not will allow them to calm down.
When that happens, adopt the ‘listening over talking’ mentality.
Most arguments happen because both people want to be heard, but none want to listen.
Be patient & listen to what the other person is trying to say.
Be very attentive on the the points that you genuinely agree with. You will need these points shortly.
Once you have been listening to the other person for some time, they will eventually settle down & will give you back the floor.
The fact that you let them go on their tirade without interruption will make them some shame & compassion towards you. Now they will more often than not hear you out as well.
At this stage, re-iterate the points that you agree with, and then offer your perspective as well.
If you are talking to someone who is remotely civil, they will allow you to finish, respectfully disagree, or ask for clarification.
If you are talking to someone who is just interrupting, then chances are that you are not talking to someone who is meant to be in your circle anyways.
But if you are taking to someone who respectfully disagrees, then that is fine!
Agreeing to Disagree
Remember, humans have multiple perspectives, they do not all have to always agree with you.
One of the worst things that you can do in the social dynamics world is trying to have everyone see the same perspectives as your ego.
Even if you are right, remember, humans form opinions based off their experiences, not yours.
Until you pick this up, you will be pulled in many directions & take on several of unneeded headaches along the way.
Take one road fam!
At this point, if the other person is still not agreeing with your point & you are not agreeing with their major point, consider wrapping the discussion up.
Clearly your two ‘what’s’ differ from one another.
And that is fine!
Avoid going on a name calling spree & gently transition to a new conversation.
You’ll transition out of it by saying that this was a delightful conversation & bring up a new topic.
Most important part is to finish off on a good note.
Without finishing off on a good note, you risk burning a bridge.
From Here on Out, Discuss
I’ll be the first one to tell you that I have burned a lot of bridges because I did not know the art of discussing.
I thought when I was right, that it was my sole purpose to show the other person that I was right.
This lead to a lot of headaches on my end & vitriol within the other.
Discussing allows you to learn one major concept in the emotional intelligence & social intelligence world.
Emotions are temporary!
What fuels your argument are emotions.
So you feel very heated & ready to argue in once the scenario is occurring. But if you allow time to elapse, the emotions go away & you feel a sense of ease.
If you succumb to those emotions as they are happening, you tend to feel shame afterwards.
So simply bring awareness when you are about to snap & gently do the points that I mentioned.
- Listen before speaking.
- When it’s your turn to speak, relate to what you agreed with.
- Offer your input without a gentle tonality.
- Go back & forth respectfully.
- If disagreement is still present, accept it & transition to the next topic.
Play the Social Game Correctly
Playing the social game requires a lot of finesse.
Do not be a brute who is not willing to change for anyone.
All you will do is piss a lot of people off.
With the knowledge of this article, you’ll notice a lot of people just go into argumentative mode.
But not you.
From here on out, you are different.
You control your ego, not the other way around.
Argue no more, but rather discuss.
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– ArmaniTalks 🎙️🔥