How to Stop Discarding Others So Fast
There’s such a thing as being “too cool.”
Cool is good.
When you’re cool, others feel relaxed around you.
When you’re nervous, others can be nervous too.
Have you ever had that moment when you were the more poised one in the interaction?
The person you were talking to was very nervous for some reason.
They were jittery, eyes all over the place, and kept touching their skin.
Did that make you feel comfortable?
‘No! They gave me bad vibes.’
Exactly, this person was nervous.
The opposite of being nervous is being “too cool.”
Being too cool is just as bad as being too nervous.
How “Too Cool” Is Born
A nice guy is born from a scarcity mindset towards people.
This person thinks there are not that many people in this world.
So, they treat each interaction like it’s their last.
This person is extra nervous in interactions because they think this is their only chance to make a good impression.
This leads them to have poor body language, lie to be accepted, and are very passive.
The cool guy is born from having an abundance mindset towards people.
They think:
‘There are so many people on this planet. If this interaction goes bad, I’m not going to sweat it. I’ll bounce back with another interaction.’
This person has smooth body language, a gentle gaze, and keeps it real.
The “too cool” person is born when they have an abundance mentality on crack.
They think there are too many people on this planet.
When they adopt this mindset, they begin discarding people fast.
The Cool Waiter
Imagine you go to a restaurant and your server is being too cool with you.
Their pants are sagging, they are on their phone, and they don’t even write down your order.
Their perspective is:
‘I’m going to have so many other customers today … that if this guy hates me, then I’m not going to sweat it.’
Are you going to be pleased with that mindset?
No!
You don’t want the waiter to be too nervous.
But a dash of niceness in the interaction will go a long way.
The server who thinks there are so many customers that he doesn’t have to put in effort for certain customers is unprofessional and deserves to be fired.
That’s how a lot of people carry themselves in social interactions.
They just stop caring because they have an abundance mindset on crack.
When their abundance mindset goes from 100 to 250, they discard others for the silliest of reasons.
- You made a joke at their expense? Discard.
- You didn’t listen to their story? Discard.
- And you looked at them funny? Discard.
How to Stop Discarding People So Fast
An excessive abundance mindset eventually comes crashing down.
People talk.
Eventually, word will get around about how fast you discard others.
People that you’ve discarded will talk about how it’s impossible to make a mistake around you.
One day, you will find someone that you want to be with.
You go on their Facebook and see 6 mutual friends.
Uh oh!!
You discarded 3 of those 6 people.
Obviously, this new person you want to be with will talk to their friends about you to see if you pass the vibe check.
If this person’s friends share their past experiences with you, then it won’t look good for you.
Do you see what’s happening?
At one moment, you thought:
‘The world is so big! There are so many people. I will never run into them again!’
Then the next moment, you see yourself running into the same people again.
The excessive abundance mindset has been balanced out with a scarce mindset.
You will run into the same people again.
That’s a guarantee.
This fear will ground you.
You’ll be more understanding that being “too cool” is not the smart thing to do.
Everyone has flaws.
No one is going to be on all the time.
You’ll discard someone for a particular reason to find someone new.
Then you’ll see the new person has a different flaw that’s worse than the flaw that you discarded the previous person for!
Balance Out Their Flaws with Your Flaws
I think being too nice is a bad thing.
A nice guy eventually acts fake with others.
However, a dash of niceness is not bad.
By being nice in doses, you remain grounded.
Here’s a trick for you.
Whenever you are thinking about discarding someone, pause.
Then:
- Acknowledge the flaw that you want to discard them for.
- Acknowledge one of your flaws.
Let’s say the person you’re talking to is overall a nice person.
However, they get whiney from time to time.
- Flaw: They whine from time to time.
What about you?
What’s your flaw?
You acknowledge a flaw.
- Flaw: I get whiney from time to time.
Wow!
Look at that!!
The same thing you were going to discard them for is the same thing that you do.
When you balance out one of their flaws with one of your own, a lot of times, you’ll see that you’re judging them for something that you do yourself.
That’s when discarding them will seem silly.
And you’ll come back to reality.
Ride the Waves of People
When you have a bigger perspective of people, you’ll see that bad moments aren’t forever.
Those who discard others quickly act like this flaw will be forever.
A lot of times, these flaws are situational.
Where they are whiney here and there, but for the most part, they are grateful and down to earth.
When you discard too fast, you won’t see their true personality.
Instead, you’ll see fragments.
Fragments are misleading.
Get the full picture.
Be more patient with others by turning down the abundance mindset.
An abundance mindset is good, it teaches you to be calm.
But when the abundance mindset is cranked up from 100 to 250, you need to dial it down.
Otherwise, you’ll discard others too soon.
For more tips on social skills, be sure to check out my book, the Charisma King
