The Difference between Nice and Kind
If you were to tell me a couple of years ago that being nice & being kind were not the same thing, then I’d look at you very confused.
What do you mean, how are they different?
But after years of being involved in social dynamics, I learned that the 2 groups were very different.
The main different between the two groups come down to one major facet:
The intentions between the 2 are different, which makes one a despised & the other a beloved one in the social world.
The intention behind a nice guy’s message is approval.
The intention behind a kind guy’s message is authenticity.
Let’s break it down.
The Mysterious Nice Guy
Do any of these mannerisms sound strangely familiar?
-Agreeing with points that you disagree with
If these mannerisms sound familiar, then chances are that you are being the nice guy.
These mannerisms pop up when you treat yourself like the low social valued human in an interaction.
When you assign yourself a low social value, you put your internal energy out of whack & display the uncomfortable body language mentioned above.
But here’s the kicker..
When you assign yourself as the low social valued human, others will treat you like it.
Which is why people talk over the nice guy, push them around, only use them for favors, then act like they don’t exist.
Human nature is not all butterfly and rainbows.
People will value you based off how much as they value themselves & how much you value yourself.
When you take away your social value, you become a people pleaser.
The worst thing about it all?
The nice guy doesn’t even like themselves.
They wonder why they work so hard for approval, but get the exact opposite.
When the nice guy is by themselves, they feel a strange anchor in their internal world which makes them further questions their self worth.
Going down a black hole tarnishing their self confidence along the way.
The Rise of the Kind Guy
The kind guy is a completely different breed.
-Agree with points that they agree with
-Respectfully disagree with points that they disagree with
-Relaxed body language
They are not a people pleaser, they are authentic.
This group values themselves & have a respectful attitude towards their peers.
The kind guy has a level of confidence that puts other people at ease.
When you can put other humans at ease and build social comfort, you become much more likable human in the process.
The kind guy is given respect by his peers.
But most importantly?
The kind guy practices self love.
When it’s all said and done, they are able to feel comfortable in their own presence.
The difference between the Nice Guy & the Kind Guy
The nice guy will tell you whatever you want to hear:
-They will give you a real message by accident or a fake message depending on your preference.
The kind guy will tell you whatever you need to hear:
-They will give you a real message.
The main reason for their differing behaviors is due to their focus.
The nice guy, focuses on people & ends up repelling people.
The kind guy, focuses on his mission & ends up attracting people.
Funny concept, right?
The social dynamics world is a very mysterious place.
The reason that focusing on your mission ends up attracting people is because you adopt an ‘attract > chase’ mentality.
Have you ever noticed a cat will run away from you when you chase it, but will come towards you when you are sitting back and minding your own business?
Similar concept in the social dynamics world.
When you fall back & work on yourself, you end up having other like minds being attracted to you.
But since your primary focus is in your life mission, finding the need to behave for approval seems laughable.
Why would you want to be vying for other peoples approval when they should be vying for yours?
The Life Purpose to Transform you from Nice to Kind
Until you put in the work to find a life purpose, you will continue to be the loser who keeps people pleasing.
Take a breather champ.
Follow your gut & curiosities to experiment with life.
What is it that YOU want out of life?
No one ever woke up and said ‘I want to compete for other people’s approval!’
It is simply something that happens when you grow older & have nothing else going on for you.
So find something to have going on for you.
Become an artist.
Become a public speaker.
Anything.. Start off small & keep building up from there.
Whatever it is, your goal is to build value for yourself & your life.
As your value builds, your mindset shifts form wanting to please people to providing value for people.
It’s because you are such a boss & you feel like you are doing them a favor when you give them your time.
When you make that mental transition, you will keep the politeness of the nice guy, but now you will pick up the intentions of the kind guy.
You will always be real with your peers, but more importantly, yourself.
Once you find that life purpose, and level up to Godlike levels, you will finally begin to enjoy the social scene once again.
Let your niceness melt away & allow your authentic self to see the light of day.
Don’t be Nice, Be Kind
Now that you know the difference between the 2 groups, choosing which path is a no brainer.
Staying nice is the easy way out because you don’t have to put in any work.
Taking the path of the kind guy will require effort, but is well worth it.
When you are able to tell the difference between the 2 groups, you will be stunned by how you spent so long being nice!
But don’t be ashamed, be curious.
Believe it or not, many of us have been nice at one point or another.
I like to view it as the ‘crash course on human nature’ stage.
Learn as much as you can & apply those lessons onto the future of your social journey.
Social dynamics is one of the most important subjects to level up your streets smarts.
But unfortunately, you won’t get much information on it from Google.
The subject is too new & there has not been much research on it.
But luckily, I am discussing the topics from my personal life experiences & observations.
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