How to React to Hearing Bad News from Someone

When we hear bad news from someone, we may have an immediate response to fix the issue.

Why else would someone be telling us bad news for, right?

In many situations, the answer is yes, you should fix the issue.

But other times, you are not meant to fix anything.

Instead, you just need to shut up and listen.

The concept of not doing anything when hearing a problem seems like torture for a doer.

A doer’s goal is to fix, fix, fix.

When they are simply listening to problems, they think they are wasting their time.

But that’s not accurate, my friend.

Different situations require different responses.

If you are unable to spot when you should fix and when you should listen, then you’ll plummet your social intelligence.

Let’s learn how to appropriately respond to hearing bad news.

Fixing Mentality

Every now and then, I have someone telling me their problems.

Then they ask:

‘Got any ideas?’

Boom!

Read that question again:

‘Got any ideas?’

This question (or any variation of this question) means the person is searching for a solution.

If you are unable to spot that they are searching for a solution, then they will think you’re clueless.

A bunch of people ask for solutions on money-related issues.

One member from my inner circle once got a DUI.

He told me and my brother how his lawyer bills were expensive and he didn’t know how he could afford to pay them.

Then he asked:

‘You know what I can do?’

Boom!

This question was a variation of ‘got any ideas?’

Me and my bro loaned him some money.

Just like that, the problem went away.

When was the last time you went to someone for help?

If you can’t recall a moment you went to someone for help, when was the last time someone came to you for help?

Venting Mentality

Another response to hearing bad news is to listen.

Don’t give any fixes.

Just listen.

When someone is looking for a fix, they’ll ask the question:

‘Got any ideas?’

But when someone is looking to vent, they won’t ask any question like that.

Heck, they will often ramble.

I recall one of my buddies once got in a fight with his wife.

He said:

‘My wife is pissed off at one of her sister’s bridesmaids. My wife’s sister is getting married. All the bridesmaids are supposed to wear matching outfits. But one of the bridesmaids wants to wear her own outfit! My wife has been whining to me about this.’

Then my buddy told me how he gave his wife a simple fix:

• Uninvite the unruly bridesmaid if she does not wear the matching outfit.

He thought that solution was enough.

But his wife continued to ramble about the debacle.

He reiterated the solution.

She continued to talk.

He reiterated the solution.

She forcefully began to talk as if she heard nothing.

He reiterated the solution.

Then she screamed:

‘You never listen to me!’

My buddy was confused.

He was confused because he couldn’t tell that she was NOT looking for a solution.

She was looking to vent.

At most, she wanted him to pitch in and say what a bitch the unruly bridesmaid was.

What Happens When You Misdiagnose the Issue

When you just listen to someone who is looking for a fix, they will view you as incompetent.

Being viewed as incompetent can be career-ending in many fields.

Imagine you’re a CEO.

One of your employees is reporting a catastrophe that is headed toward your company.

And all you do is nod and say:

‘Mhmm.’

Your troops are going to lose faith in you!

Quit being so passive and generate an actionable plan!!

On the flip side, if you keep giving solutions to someone who didn’t ask, then they will view you as annoying.

They may stop talking to you altogether.

If you’re a doer, this may seem like a good thing.

‘You’re telling me my wife will quit whining in my ear if I keep giving her solutions?? That doesn’t sound too bad!’

Not being bombarded with problems seem good at first, but over time, it creates friction.

Some people vent to you when they trust you.

When they stop venting, that means they are losing rapport with you.

Obviously, you should not be an emotional tampon.

Just know that actively giving solutions to someone who seeks to be heard is going to create distance.

Asking Them What They Want

Thus far in your life, only one line of action existed in regard to hearing problems:

• Solve away.

Now this crazy Armani guy is saying that there is another line of action:

• Let them vent.

It may be difficult to always correctly diagnose the issue.

If you are unsure of what this person wants, just ask them!

Is this one of those situations where you need a plan or just want me to listen?

That question clears up the ambiguity.

Over time, you’ll build a sharper judgment that no longer requires you to ask this question.

The Nuances of Social Skills

For the longest time, I’ve heard:

‘Men look for solutions while women look to be heard.’

In a societal sense, this quote is spot on.

However, in an individual sense, this quote is not always accurate.

Many times, the man is looking to be heard while the woman is looking for solutions.

Just like Newtonian laws don’t work on the quantum, societal laws don’t always apply to individuals.

When an individual is approaching you, treat each situation on a case-by-case basis.

Recap if you were dozing of:

• When someone is looking for solutions to their problems, they will ask something along the lines of, ‘got any ideas?’
• When someone is looking to vent their problems, they will just ramble and not ask for any aid.

For more practical tips to improve your social skills, be sure to check out my eBook, Charisma King.