Why do People Ramble: 5 Reasons

Rambling is a poor social move.

And being rambled to is annoying.

Excessive talking is only fun for the person who is talking.

Yet, it showcases poor social intelligence to turn a dialogue into a monologue.

Often, when we encounter a rambler, it’s easy to despise them.

‘Shut the fuck up already’ we think.

However, before despising them so quickly…pause.

Let’s see if we can use them to build our social understanding.

The unique thing about rambling is that different people do it for different reasons.

Although externally, they seem to be exhibiting identical behaviors…

Internally, their states are different.

If we can focus on their internal states, then we are on the road to building social intelligence.

Plus, we build patience, which is invaluable in the social world.

What Causes Rambling?

Why do people ramble?

Emotional states, self-image, social IQ are a few of the variables that cause rambling.

It’s hard to pin it down to just one variable.

Since humans are complex creatures, we have to build a nuanced understanding regarding them.

However, we have a key.

‘What is the key?’

Humans exhibit patterns.

And from the patterns, we are able to classify them into groups.

After placing them in groups, we can go from general to specific.

Let me give you 5 COMMON reasons as to why people ramble.

Find a few people who you know are ramblers.

And then place them in the following groups we will discuss.

If you have the self-awareness to notice that you are a rambler, then feel free to put yourself in the following group/s that resonate.

1. Narcissistic Types

This is the group that we often associate with ramblers.

The narcissists.

This group has an untamed ego.

Which means they believe the world revolves around them.

How they got like this can be due to a multitude of reasons.

It can be due to insecurity, excessive love for competition, being the ‘man’ in a certain environment, etc.

This group can get annoying because they rarely seem present in the conversation.

-When it’s their time to talk, they are full of energy.

-When someone else is talking, they seem to lack energy.

With this group, it’s best to speak up when you see the right opportunities.

Otherwise, you will never get a chance.

And if they are still not giving up the floor, then it’s best to exit the conversation and find a considerate talking partner.

If you know this person well, then think about bringing the rambling to their awareness.

Very few people are aware that they ramble.

2. Nervous Types

For this group, you’ll notice that they are nervous.

‘How?’

Thru their body language.

People get nervous in social interactions for different reasons.

-Sometimes it’s because they are in a new environment.

-Other times, it’s because they are meeting a new person. Let’s say a blind date.

-And other times, they are just nervous people in general.

Not only are they rambling.

But they may have darting eyes, touching their neck a lot, and have a nervous laughter.

The tension they feel internally is being transmuted into words.

Which is the reason for rambling.

For this group, it’s best to showcase a still body language of your own, smile & be encouraging.

Let them talk more. Adopt the role of a listener.

Charismatic people have a way of putting nervous people at ease.

And this works when you make the commitment to adopt the role of the listener.

Don’t be thinking ‘when is it going to be my turn to talk?’

Just fall back on this one.

3. Lonely Types

Lonely people can ramble a lot.

The reason why is because they haven’t talked to a person in a while.

Let’s say they moved to a new location and don’t know anyone.

Their lack of human interaction has made them more ‘me’ focused.

Can’t blame them.

When they finally do have an interaction, their social energy is off.

Causing them to excessively talk without noticing.

This is hands down the hardest group to spot because you need to know some background information.

How do you know that they are lonely?

Difficult to tell thru body language alone.

This is when the content of the talking points matter more.

See if they bring up points like:

-Moving to a new location.

-Not having time to chill with others due to being busy at work.

-They have been in a rut etc.

Spotting this group showcases high social intelligence on your end.

If you think they are lonely, then do the similar steps you did with the nervous types.

Just fall back & adopt the role of the active listener.

4. Situational Rambling Types

This group normally doesn’t ramble.

However, today they are.

Why?

This is what we call a situational rambler.

A person who rambles on occasions.

Most of us can fall into this group.

So let’s ask ourselves:

When was the last time I was aware that I was rambling & why did I do it?

When I ramble, it’s because I am sharing a story that means a lot to me.

Normally, I am not a guy who is talking a lot in a conversation.

I listen more & talk when I need to.

But if we are going to a conversation topic which means a lot to me, that’s when I may ramble.

Rare, but it does happen.

Likewise, it’s the case with others too.

The best way to spot this group is to get the general vibe of how they normally interact.

-Are they normally talking or normally listening?

-Why are they talking more today?

-What are they talking more about?

Zone in on that.

If you can zone in on a passion point of someone else, their likability towards you SKYROCKETS.

It’s because humans love humans who showcase an interest in their passions.

5. Lack of Social Intelligence Types

Another group is the one who lacks social intelligence.

Yes, this group does exist.

They aren’t narcissistic, lonely, or nervous.

However, they just ramble in general.

For some strange reason…

They got the idea that talking more showcases that they’re going to increase their chance of being liked.

Wrong.

That’s not remotely the case in the social world.

Unfortunately, we weren’t ever taught proper social frameworks.

This is why misunderstandings like this occur.

We associate communication skills with ‘words.’

Rather than realizing that words are just ONE part of communication skills.

Other parts of communication skills include:

Listening, humor, rapport building, following up, etc.

However, when someone thinks words are the only part of communication, that’s when they talk a LOT.

This is a judgment call on you.

Either you can make this person aware.

Or just let them carry themselves how they normally do.

Changing someone’s behavior requires a lot of work.

Especially if this group thinks that there is nothing to fix.

So unless this person is close to you, stay alert.

When someone you’re not close to brings up your rambling ways, you may feel offended.

And similarly, this is a likelihood if you bring up this quirk to someone else.

So it’s a judgment call.

Just know this party exists so you’re not fuming when you encounter them.

Building Social Nuance

Ramblers are a dime a dozen.

Great listeners are one in a million.

This is just how it is.

It’s easy to talk.

-That’s a subconscious act.

It’s hard to listen.

-That’s a conscious act.

So do your best to avoid rambling yourself.

And for others, let the classification begin.

We understand now that there are different reasons as to why people ramble.

We have narcissists, lonely people, nervous people, situational ramblers & general ramblers.

All different personality types.

All with different internal states.

Being able to spot these different personality types helps you build social intelligence for the future.

You can either get mad.

Or you can get sharper.

The choice is yours.

Just know that ramblers are a part of the social world like electricity is a part of the television.

Don’t hate the game playa.

Rather, understand it.

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– ArmaniTalks