How to Properly Talk to A Couple

This is a weird post, I know.

However, it’s very practical.

Every now and then, you may find yourself in a position where you are talking to a couple.

There are 2 people looking at you.

The question is, who are you looking at?

If you’re like most people, you will predominantly look at:

• The more established person.
• The one you know better.
• The one who is the same sex as you.

I’m here to tell you that’s a mistake.

It’s better to keep both people engaged by spreading your attention.

Bob Iger’s Experience with the Elite

Bob Iger is the CEO of Disney.

He’s been married for quite some time now.

In his autobiography, he stated that whenever he went to socials, others would often just talk to him while his wife just stood there.

Bob would try to keep his wife engaged in the conversation, but the other person would only talk to Bob.

As I read this, I realized this was a common problem.

I mean Bob Iger is the CEO of Disney.

He’s a powerful man.

Shouldn’t the other person mainly be talking to him?

NO!

Because from Bob’s view, the other person is being disrespectful to his wife.

He is not engaging with her at all.

This causes the wife to be put in a weird situation.

She’s just standing there idle with nothing to do but hold onto Bob’s shoulder.

How to Properly Address a Couple

What I’m about to share is not just a couple thing, it’s a human thing.

• Address the group, rather than only one person.

Talking to one person at a time in public speaking is fine.

Because due to the scale, it’s harder to track the eyes.

If there is an audience of 50, and I only look at Tim from the left side of the audience…

Then everyone around Tim will think I’m looking at him.

In social interactions, it’s different.

The scale is smaller.

Therefore, our eyes are easier to track.

No need to make it confusing.

It’s fine to predominantly talk to one person.

It only becomes a problem when you ONLY talk to one person.

It’s smart to take casual eye breaks to look at the other person to indicate to them:

‘I didn’t forget about you.’

Better yet, get both partners engaged in the conversation so you are forced to make eye contact with them.

The couple is happy when you do this.

Because when one person is only being addressed, it creates a strange dynamic.

They are like:

‘Geez, this guy is only talking to me and whenever I try to bring my wife in… he’s still not getting a clue.’

Afterward, there is a poor taste that you left in their mouths.

More specifically, the person that you ignored.

Avoid Being Too Friendly

It’d be inappropriate if a guy came up to Bob and his wife and only talked to the wife.

That’s when being friendly turns into flirty.

Flirting with another man’s wife is a big no-no.

Don’t be surprised if it turns violent.

It’s easy to avoid the flirty territory if you follow the advice in the last section:

• Spread the attention.

When the groups are smaller, it’s important to make sure we aren’t lingering on one person for too long.

Also, a socially intelligent person knows how to create a conversation that keeps everyone engaged.

When there is a group setting, avoid being too niched.

I know guys who go up to a general group and begin babbling about Bitcoin.

Only 1 out of the 6 people understand Bitcoin.

So, only 1 person is engaged while the other 5 are waiting for the conversation to switch to a new topic.

Be socially intelligent and switch topics!

The Pain of Being Ignored

I can understand what Bob Iger’s wife is going through.

A long time ago, I was this skinny kid who had a pretty muscular older brother.

Since he was older, taller, and more physically appealing, others often gave him more attention.

One time, I went to the gym with my brother to potentially sign up for a membership.

I kid you not…

The gym trainer who was supposed to be selling me AND my brother was only talking to my brother.

My brother sensed the weirdness and would often bring me into the convo.

But this annoying gym trainer would quickly address me, and then go back to giving all his attention to my brother.

He’d ask questions about me to my brother!

‘How much does your little bro weigh?’

I tried to insert myself in the convo a few times.

But after multiple rejections, I gave up.

For the rest of the tour, I didn’t say much.

Finally, we sat in the guy’s office as he was going to run through some membership plans.

He continues to talk to my brother.

There was one moment though when he stopped what he was doing.

Looked at me.

Then he said:

‘You don’t say much, do you?’

I was furious.

I thought:

‘You ignored me the whole time and now you’re painting me as the quiet guy???’

The pain of being ignored is real.

Spread the Love

Talking to a couple is tricky.

Not only are you talking to 2 people.

You’re also talking to 2 people who are often the opposite sex.

Every couple has a story.

They go through the ups and downs together.

If they are still together, that means they want their partner to succeed.

So, when they are in a social interaction, they want their partner to have a smooth experience.

It’s far from smooth when their partner is being completely ignored.

It’s very smooth when their partner is being engaged by the conversationalist.

Plenty of people will ignore this post.

Hopefully, you don’t.

A great way to build rapport among couples is to keep both partners involved.

Do that, and your charisma will skyrocket.

For more tips on social skills, be sure to check out the Charisma King