How to Keep Conversations Going

Being boring is a toxic act.

In terms of toxicity, anything that is not empowering is draining.

It’s one thing if you are boring because you are not putting in the effort.

It’s a different ball game when you are putting in the effort, yet you come off as boring.

Has a situation like that happened to you?

You wanted to keep the conversation going…

However, you were running out of material.

Envy ensued.

Look to the left & right of you.

So many people seamlessly create conversations out of thin air.

Then they keep the conversation going with poise.

‘I should be one of them’ you think.

Yes, you should.

Let’s help you graduate to that level!

You’re going to learn how to keep conversations going.

In real life & in text.

What is a Conversation?

If we want to work on a skillset, let’s get some definitions out of the way.

Can you define “conversation”?

‘Uh…talking?’

We can do better than that.

A conversation is an exchange of ideas.

This is a great definition in my opinion for a few reasons.

The keyword to know is exchange.

When we factor in the phrase ‘exchange,’ it becomes easier to spot when we are rambling.

‘Talking’ is not a good definition for conversation because it sets you up to ramble.

Another reason ‘exchange’ is important is because it prevents you from wasting your time.

‘I can waste my time in a conversation?’

Absolutely. Not all convo partners are created equal.

Not Everyone Wants to Talk

The goal is to breathe life into a conversation that has the potential to succeed.

The goal is not to bring a zombie to life.

There are certain individuals who do not want to talk.

‘How can I tell the difference between someone who is disinterested vs someone who is nervous?’

Whoa, that’s a good question!

But I’m going to give a ‘so and so’ answer.

In order to spot the difference between disinterested & nervous, it comes down to judgment.

Judgment is built from trial and error.

• Trial means you have to make attempts.
• Error means you need to be okay with the attempts that fell flat.

What I realized is that disinterested people are short with their words while having comfortable body language.

While nervous people are short with their words and have uncomfortable body language.

If someone is looking poised but is not making many attempts to EXCHANGE ideas, then they are probably disinterested.

Best to dip.

‘Are you sure I shouldn’t make the conversation work?’

You can for practice.

However, in my world, time is money.

If you’re not interested, all good.

I’m sure others are.

Conversation Fundamental: Hooks

Thus far, we talked about a conversation being an exchange of ideas.

Also, I talked about how you should avoid beating a dead horse.

Let’s say we found someone who wants to participate, now what?

I want to give you a tool that will make everything else easy.

It’s called a hook.

Hooks are subtle conversation material that you can expand on.

Mastering the hooks is what leads to INFINITE conversation material.

The thing regarding hooks is that they are very subtle at times.

And requires awareness to spot.

Example:

• I just came back from the vet. How’s everything going?

What do you think the hook was?

‘They came back from the vet. Why did they go to the vet??’

Exactly, you spotted a hook.

A dummy would have just answered the question ‘how’s everything going.’

I gave you a simple example.

Just know that hooks are purely subjective.

Give 5 people the same line & they will all spot different hooks.

How to Keep the Conversation Going with Silences

• On or off.
• Heads or tails.
• True or false.

Dualities exist.

Likewise, a conversation has dualities.

Noise or silence.

Be okay with silence to learn how to keep conversations going.

‘Wait, I thought the purpose of this post was to keep the convo going. You’re telling me silence is okay?’

Yes, it is okay. Better yet, it is necessary.

The reason it is necessary to make peace with silence is that it allows you to be open to the ENTIRE conversation experience.

When you are open to the full spectrum, there is a sense of composure you feel.

If I gave you a coin to flip…

And you panicked like a tityboi whenever it was tails.

Then you’ll be panicking a lot.

That state of panic will make you jittery when flipping the coin.

There are tiered effects.

Be okay with silences in a conversation.

That’s what builds the poise to learn how to keep a conversation going.

The Secret Ingredient: Curiosity

Hooks & silences are the tactics.

These are just moves.

The true spirit of conversations comes down to curiosity.

This is what I call the secret ingredient.

Although it’s not that much of a secret.

By being curious about the other person, it is much easier to have ideas to ask about.

The goal of a journalist is to research information, ask strategic questions, learn & create a story.

‘Should I picture myself as a journalist too?’

A little.

Don’t be too much of a journalist to a point where the other person feels like they are being interviewed.

Just unleash the journalist mode when you are running dry of material to say.

Even though the person you’re talking to is interested in speaking, they may be stuck as well.

It’s easy to personalize a moment like this.

‘Why is there silence? Oh no, what did I do??’

A journalist understands that they have a job to do.

They don’t personalize these moments.

They thrive in these moments.

So thrive.

How To Keep Conversations Going Forever

It’s all about exchanging ideas.

Don’t just be the guy who sits on the sidelines.

You need to participate as well.

By connecting some of the key ideas, things hopefully being to click.

Abundance mindset baby.

If one person doesn’t want to talk to you, envision there are 10 others who do want to talk to you.

Bye-bye to that 1 person.

From there, it’s about hooks and silences.

Hooks are the contribution portions.

Ask questions, expand on points yourself, paraphrase, etc.

That’s the creative part.

Silence is the essence of life.

Here’s a tip:

You are close with someone when you can be silent around them.

So a smile during silent moments subconsciously makes the other person think they are cool with you.

Until they really are cool with you.

This whole post is pointless without curiosity.

The curious spirit is what keeps a conversation going forever.

This is a creative act.

Conversations create value for all parties involved.

Practice makes perfect.

For more social skills principles to boost your charisma & connect with others:

Check out the Charisma King!

– ArmaniTalks