Filler Words: How to Stop Saying Um, Like, So, You Know
Filler words are words that do not add any meaning to your message:
- Um, uh, like, so, you know, etc.
Yet, you may find yourself constantly using them.
Either you became aware after listening to a recent interview of yours.
Or others made you aware.
Soon as you became aware, I’m sure you felt a surge of pain.
That’s the pain of embarrassment.
That embarrassment is good.
Because you becoming AWARE that you use a lot of filler words creates the opportunity to evolve.
What are Filler Words?
Let’s make sure we fully understand what a filler word is.
Imagine there is a baby.
The parents hear the baby saying:
‘Goo goo gah gah.’
Initially, it’s cute.
But over time, the babbling loses its appeal.
As months go by, one day, the baby says:
‘Goo goo gah gah, mama dada.’
Soon as the parents hear mama dada, that’s when their eyes light up.
Why?
Because the baby has created meaning.
- Meaning = mama dada.
- Noise = goo goo gah gah.
Great speakers raise the meaning & reduce the noise.
2 ways to reduce the noise is by rambling less & using fewer filler words.
Different people have a different filler word of choice.
I know mine used to be um.
While for others, it’s you know.
Others use like a lot.
Or you may use a collection of a few filler words.
Are Filler Words Ever Okay?
‘Alright Armani, give me the fix already. I want to eliminate ALL of my filler words.’
Not so fast!
We don’t want to eliminate it all the way.
Instead, we want to reduce them.
‘How come I don’t completely eliminate the filler words?’
Because filler words are a part of communication.
Occasional filler words make you more relatable and easier to understand.
Flaws speak to another person’s subconscious mind.
Also, when you set the intention to eliminate every single filler word, you focus on the wrong things for communication.
Communication Skills for Dummies:
- Anything related to you is placed as secondary.
- While the idea is placed as the primary focus.
Communication Skills for Even Bigger Dummies:
- Make yourself the prince & the idea the king.
But when you set the intention to eliminate all of your filler words, you begin focusing too much on yourself & not enough on the idea.
This mindset leads to speech & social anxiety.
Just aim to reduce the words from the level you are using them now.
And keep reducing it more & more.
The ice cube is melting…
2 Ways on How to Stop Saying Um, Uh, Like, So, You Know
There are 2 methods to stop using too many filler words:
- One is the pain method.
- The other is the pain-free method.
Let’s go through each one.
Pain Method: Pinch
- Spot the filler word/s you use.
- Whenever you use the filler word/s, pinch yourself.
- Insert a silence in the place of the filler word/s.
Over time, we will pause rather than using the filler word.
This allows you to gather your thoughts and improve your cadence.
‘Why am I pinching myself though??’
It’s because your brain begins to associate pain with the filler word.
Pain is a powerful motivator.
The brain will do its best to avoid the pain.
Find a sensitive spot that will allow you to feel the pinch.
For me, it was my upper right chest.
I pinched myself away…
Afterward, I had this HUGE bruise on my chest.
It looked like South America.
Others would think such a big bruise looked bizarre.
But for me, I felt pride.
I was associating real battle scars with conquering the filler words.
This allowed me to unlock a warrior spirit towards communication skills.
Hopefully, you unlock an empowering narrative as well.
Pain-Free Method: Clicker
- Buy a clicker like this.
- And click it any time you use the filler word/s.
- Then insert a silence in the place of the filler word/s.
This does a few things:
- The filler words become real in your world.
- When you have a count of how many times you used the filler words, you become much more aware.
The more aware you become, the easier your speech alters for the best.
Use Embarrassment to Stop Saying Um, Uh, Like, So, You Know
The time span to notice significant changes will vary.
For some people, it will be quick.
I’ve noticed the more painful emotions that are associated with the filler words, the quicker the speech quirk melts away.
I knew a few people who said A LOT of filler words in an interview.
When their family & friends heard the interview, they immediately began making fun of the person for the speech quirk.
Embarrassing emotion.
In one of my Table topics speeches, I said ‘um’ around 20 times in a 2-minute talk.
I didn’t notice I did that.
But after the meeting, tons of people came to me and notified me of how many filler words I used.
I was so embarrassed.
That pain allowed me to tackle the issue and clarify my speech.
When dealing with filler words, embrace negativity.
Remember, the brain hates pain.
And when faced with pain, the brain will devise creative ways out of the scenario.
Polish Up Your Communication Skills
No one is the perfect communicator.
- Instead of trying to be perfect.
- Aim to constantly perfect.
The first is a finite state.
The second is an infinite process.
There will be days when we say more filler words than usual.
Maybe we were dehydrated that day.
Feeling sleepy.
Or were talking to someone we didn’t want to talk to.
Make yourself aware and recalibrate.
Off days are normal with communication skills.
But don’t allow off days to become off weeks, off months & off years.
Keep practicing on how to stop saying um, uh, like, so, you know etc.
Looking to learn more about the art & science of speaking skills?
If so, then be sure to check out, Speak Easy: How to Be Articulate, Assertive & Audacious Around People.
This book will teach you:
- The common qualities of gifted speakers.
- Speaking skills exercises & strategies.
- How to improve your voice and unlock beautiful tonalities.
- How to stop saying um, uh, like, so, you know.
Get Here:
Ebook
Paperback/Kindle
Audiobook
– ArmaniTalks 
