Avoid Telling Too Many Stories in Conversations!
With great power, comes great responsibility.
Storytelling is powerful.
With the logic of the first line, we must use storytelling responsibly.
Once we understand the method behind the madness of storytelling, we may be tempted to overdo it.
This is where we are telling stories left and right.
Talking other people’s ears off.
Despite our stories being interesting, we are still annoying others.
‘Why? If they like my stories, then what’s the problem?’
The problem is that stories require time & concentration.
It requires time to create a scenario, introduce the characters & deliver the punchline.
If you keep taking up time in an interaction, this will annoy others.
The Released Prisoner
One of my good friend’s brother was sentenced to prison for 14 years.
It’s a long story as to what he did.
Luckily for him, the sentence was reduced from 14 years to 10 years.
This prisoner was going to get out 4 years earlier.
One day, my buddy hit me up and asked if I wanted to get burgers with him & his brother.
I said, ‘Sure!’
I hadn’t seen the former convict in so long and I was sure he had a lot of stories about prison life.
Once I saw him in the burger area, I noticed he lost a lot of weight.
His face had character.
The prisoner went in for a hug & I hugged him back.
We sat down.
Then I asked:
‘What was prison like?’
Story After Story
I was stunned to learn about a lot of misconceptions that I had about prison.
I used to think these guys were literally behind bars most of the time unless they had to eat.
That wasn’t the case.
This former prisoner was sharing stories about how the prisoners made alcohol inside their cells.
He told me a story of how one of the most dangerous convicts got drunk and the other prisoners had to make it seem like he was just “happy” around the guards.
He told me stories about how the prisoners snuck in cellphones and were in touch with current events.
They downloaded Twitter, YouTube, and some even had Instagram.
He told me stories about the job that he had in prison.
His job was to make shirts and pants for the other prisoners.
As I heard the stories, I felt like my mind opened to a new world.
And then…
I began to get a headache.
Story Overload!!
By the 5th story, my head was hurting.
It’s because each story was so different.
When he would say:
‘Oh, I need to tell you about this.’
I had to force myself to pay attention.
I got why this man wanted to share so many stories.
He had been in prison for 10 years.
Now he wanted to express himself.
Every now and then, he’d ask:
‘So, how has life changed since I went to prison?’
When he asked a question, it was like steam being released from my mind.
I’d share a few ways that the world had changed, and then this buddy would say:
‘Oh yea? That reminds me of X moment from my time in prison! Let me tell you ALL about it.’
This was going to be a long day…
The Dangers of Telling Too Many Stories
Context matters.
If this guy wanted to tell stories for 5 hours straight, he had the right to.
Why?
It’s because he just got out of prison!
He had a life-altering moment that he wanted to share with others.
Despite him being in the perfect situation to share stories for 5 hours straight, others have just so much mental bandwidth to give.
Let’s say Timothy was the first man ever to live in Antarctica for a year.
He comes back and is surrounded by his family.
The family claims they want to know ‘everything.’
When the family says they want to know everything, what they really mean is:
‘Tell us about the best moments, give us time to process these stories, then share some more later.’
If this guy just keeps going on & on about Antarctica, then he’s doing 2 parties a disservice:
- His family & himself.
His family just can’t pay attention (unless they have an intense curiosity about Antarctica) for that long.
Plus, Timothy’s amazing experience in Antarctica will fall on deaf ears.
Time to fall back!
When to Share Stories
There are different types of stories out there.
Tiny to large.
With tiny tales, you can tell a bunch throughout the conversation.
That’s how rapport is built.
But rather than hogging the spotlight and sharing a bunch of tales in a series…
Share a few, then allow the other person to share a few.
Ping pong between the 2 of you.
As for long stories, be picky as to when you share them.
You know it’s a long story when you feel a ton of enthusiasm before you even said a word.
At times, you want to tell the listener/s:
‘You may want to sit down.’
In scenarios like this, one of the best things to do is to delay the story.
‘I’ll tell y’all another time when we have time.’
Delaying a story builds curiosity and allows you to exercise an important skillset:
- Restraint.
Being able to restrain yourself from rambling, telling too many stories, and cutting others off is a great skillset to have!
Bow & Arrow > Machine Gun
The bow and arrow strategy is when you ready, aim, and fire.
The machine gun strategy is when you unload rounds with no mercy for anyone.
I’m a big fan of the machine gun strategy.
This strategy emphasizes volume.
When learning a skill, the machine gun strategy works like a charm.
However, with storytelling, the bow and arrow strategy is the way to go.
Assess the situation.
What’s the vibe like?
Ready.
You have the perfect story that matches the group environment.
Aim.
You share the story.
Fire!
