6 Conversation Mistakes to AVOID!
Recently, I was talking to a friend who I hadn’t talked to in a while.
I was expecting us to catch up and everything to go smoothly.
In the beginning, he was sharing what his life had been like for the past few months.
I listened.
He talked and talked.
After some time, I decided to contribute some stuff about my life because he wasn’t asking any questions.
I thought he’d listen.
Rather than listen, he kept trying to steal the spotlight back.
It would have been one thing if it had happened a few times.
But that wasn’t the case.
It kept happening!
After a while, I lost enthusiasm and left the interaction.
He made a conversation mistake.
- He hogged the spotlight.
That’s not the only conversation mistake out there.
There are plenty more to be aware of.
Let me share a few…
Conversation Mistake #1: Not Acknowledging What Was Said
Imagine that you are sharing a story about your recent breakup.
The other person is nodding their head and making it seem like they are listening.
Once you are done with the story, they abruptly switch topics.
How would you feel?
‘I would feel like the person was not paying attention.’
You don’t know that. Maybe they were paying attention.
‘Still! The fact that they didn’t even acknowledge my story will annoy me.’
Exactly.
When someone is telling you a story, acknowledge what they said.
- Ask a question about it, probe further, and contribute something similar to the topic.
Abruptly switching topics makes it seem like you weren’t paying attention, or you were repulsed by what they said.
Conversation Mistake #2: Lack of Enthusiasm
If someone is sharing a funny story, and you are just saying ‘mhm’ with a bored look on your face, then it kills the vibe.
A smile trumps the bored face.
‘What are your thoughts on fake chuckles, Armani?’
This is a topic that I’ve changed my mind on in recent years.
Before, my philosophy was:
‘Only laugh if something is funny.’
Nowadays, I think:
‘It doesn’t hurt to fake chuckle every now and then.’
The fake chuckle allows the other person to not feel awkward about sharing a flat joke.
It keeps the flow going.
A little enthusiasm goes a long way.
Conversation Mistake #3: Being Long-Winded
A dialogue is different than a monologue.
A monologue is when 1 person is talking, while a dialogue is an exchange of ideas.
‘Why do long-winded people exist?’
Because of their love affair with details.
Be detailed during lectures.
Don’t be too detailed in conversations (unless someone asks).
When you’re too detailed in conversations, you turn a dialogue into a monologue.
Conversation Mistake #4: Getting Polarized from the Get-go
I’m not against talking about politics, God, and money in conversations.
But I am against talking about politics, God, and money with someone I don’t have a rapport with.
In 2005, it was easier to bucket people into certain categories.
We all consumed similar content.
Nowadays, people are all over the place.
Therefore, it’s important to build a radar for what’s appropriate to talk about and what’s not appropriate to talk about.
This radar is subjective, which makes it tricky.
Gun ownership for example.
If you are passionate about why people should own a gun, good for you.
But do you think this is a topic you should bring up with someone you just met?
That’s something you need to decide for yourself.
Conversation Mistake #5: Probing Private People
I know a guy who is really private nowadays.
Before, that wasn’t the case.
In undergrad, he used to date this girl and would flaunt her all over social media.
His posts would get comments like:
‘You 2 are couple goals!’
Everything was going smoothly…
Until the girl moved to a different continent and broke up with him.
Now he had to go on a breakup tour.
Everyone kept asking him:
‘What happened?’
After that breakup, his philosophy shifted.
He wasn’t going to flaunt his personal life to outsiders anymore.
His beliefs continued to harden.
He became a private guy who strategically built barriers around him.
If you ask him a personal question, he will give a general response before switching topics.
If you kept coming back to the same personal question, that’d be a mistake.
A simple way to spot private people is by asking a personal question:
- If they are detailed and long-winded with their response, then this person is an open book.
- If they are vague and short, then this person is private.
Conversation Mistake #6: Not Listening Properly
People can tell when someone is listening and when someone isn’t.
I’ve been guilty of being a poor listener a couple of times.
My poor listening skills were once highlighted when I got Bluetooth headphones.
I’d be able to have a conversation while scrolling through my phone.
The moments I began scrolling, I sounded distant & filler-ish.
I’d give filler responses like:
‘Really? No way!’
‘I can’t imagine.’
‘Are you serious?’
Not listening is like putting a drop of poison in a glass of water.
At first, it doesn’t seem like much.
Slowly, the poison permeates the water.
The water becomes undrinkable.
When you are not paying attention, it builds up throughout the entire conversation.
Afterward, when leaving the conversation, both parties feel like something was missing.
Conclusion
Here’s a rule:
Just because 11 conversations sucked doesn’t mean the 12th one will.
Just because 11 conversations were great doesn’t mean the 12th one will be.
We are allowed to make a bunch of mistakes in our conversational journey.
Moments when we said the wrong thing, talked for too long, or listened too little.
To improve, we need to want to improve.
One way to improve is by eliminating the wrong stuff.
If any of the mistakes in this blog resonated with you, then you know what to eliminate.
Time to get to work!
