Who is the Debbie Downer in Social Skills?
The following post is from the ArmaniTalks Newsletter
I used to think a Debbie Downer was someone who killed the mood with a negative energy.
Nowadays, I see that there are different paths to being a Debbie Downer.
One path is by being too confident.
Recently, I was invited to this birthday dinner.
I asked the guy inviting me who was going to be going.
He shared the names.
Most of the people I was cool with.
But one guy, I didn’t vibe with.
I met him a few years back at a wedding where we were both the groomsmen.
And something about him rubbed me the wrong way.
He was too confident for my liking.
When he wanted to laugh, he would laugh.
When he didn’t find something funny, he had to say:
‘Idk why everyone is laughing, I didn’t find that funny.’
Then he’d be a Debbie Downer.
All the other groomsmen were cool besides this guy.
So, when I heard he was going to be at the dinner, I second-guessed a bit.
This dinner spot was very expensive, so I was already uncertain.
After some thought, I decided to go.
During dinner, he initially seemed cool.
He was conversing but seemed a bit distracted.
Apparently, his car had a hit-and-run recently, so he was messaging back and forth with his car insurance.
The times he did talk though, I noticed something about his personality.
- He could either be really cool or really annoying.
Sometimes, when a person from the table was sharing a joke, he’d bust out laughing.
His laugh was so booming that it made the others from the table laugh.
Other times, when someone would bring up a topic, he’d try to debate too much or say why it was a waste of time.
One guy from the table asked:
‘Yo, did you guys see that recent Katt Williams interview?’
And the guy who I had a problem with was like:
‘Why do you care what another man has to say?’
Um…
Huh??
Then this guy begins going on a spiel about why the Katt Williams interview was a waste of time and why most interviews were a waste of time.
This polarizing figure was too confident.
He didn’t know when to adjust.
If he liked something, then he’d be pleasant.
If he didn’t like something, then he’d be annoying.
In social interactions, most folks don’t want a conflict.
They just want to let loose and have fun.
This guy made others think too much.
His erratic behavior signaled:
‘Be careful which topic you bring up because it may bother me. And if it bothers me, then I will challenge you.’
This created a strange aura.
We still had a good time, but we had a blast when this guy had to leave early.
That’s when the table acted goofy and we bought up whatever was on our minds without being judged.
A Debbie Downer isn’t always a mopey figure.
They can be very confident figures who are upbeat.
However, that upbeat behavior is also accompanied by a pain-in-the-ass personality.
You never know which side of them you will get.
Due to that uncertainty, they kill the vibe.
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