What To Do When Someone Keeps Repeating the Same Story
If you have rapport with someone, then you can get away with more things.
But if you don’t have rapport with someone, then you want to choose your battles wisely.
Storytelling is an art.
Some suck at it.
They are long-winded.
They get caught up in the details that don’t matter.
And they have short-term memories.
They keep repeating the same story over and over again.
If you are listening to a story that you heard before, what should you do?
Should you keep listening or tell them that you heard this story before?
That depends on your rapport.
Why People Repeat Stories
One reason people retell stories is because they have told it to so many people that they forgot you heard it too.
So, they repeat it.
Another reason people repeat a story is because it means a lot to them.
Let’s say you and your partner are now married for 5 years.
Imagine your partner keeps retelling you the story about the first date they were planning for you.
They have told this story about 5 times already.
- How they felt.
- How they were initially going to suggest skydiving but scrapped it last minute to do dinner instead.
- And how they were asking their friends for advice.
They are aware they told you this story already.
Then why are they repeating it?
Because the story is meaningful to them.
They like recalling how they were initially nervous around you, but now they are comfortable around you.
If you jump in and say:
‘I already heard this story!!’
Then you’ll kill their vibe.
They know you heard it.
They still want to share it from a different angle.
What To Do When Someone Repeats the Same Story – Little to No Rapport
If you don’t have much rapport with the person, then let them share the story again.
Letting someone repeat the same story is equivalent to a fake laugh.
In the social skills world, a lot of times, we won’t find something funny.
But we see the other person is trying.
Since they are trying, it’s smart to throw them a chuckle, or a smile, to acknowledge their attempt at making us laugh.
Likewise, people will forget the stories they told.
Listen anyway.
And don’t listen in a fed-up sort of way.
Where your body language indicates:
‘Wrap it up already! I have other things to do.’
Either listen or don’t listen at all.
There is no middle ground territory.
What To Do When Someone Repeats the Same Story – With Rapport
If you have rapport with this person, then you can tell them:
‘I heard this story before, bud.’
You can even make a joke out of it.
‘The monthly retelling of this story, I see.’
I see kids who tease their parents about retelling the same story.
Since there is a power dynamic between the parents and the kids, the parents laugh it off.
When there is a similar power dynamic:
- Siblings.
- Couples.
- Best friends.
You want to ask the person why the story means a lot to them.
Rather than saying:
‘I heard that already!’
Say:
‘You’ve shared this story a few times. Why does it mean so much to you? I’m curious.’
You have now alerted them that they told you this story many times, but you did it in a gentle way.
Plus, you asked an inquisitive question on why the story means so much to them.
You’ll learn a lot about them when they explain why the story means a lot to them.
Plus, you’ll learn a lot about yourself.
Let’s go back to the example where the partner keeps retelling the story of how he was planning a first date for his now wife.
Prior to that relationship, he had a bad breakup, and he didn’t think he was ever going to settle down again.
He was a bachelor for 6 years.
When he met his current wife, she pleasantly surprised him unlike anyone else in the dating marketplace.
He never got nervous about planning a date.
This time…
He did.
As soon as the wife hears why the story is important to him, she’ll learn more about herself.
Do You Retell Stories?
You didn’t think this post was only going to be about other people, did you?
Let’s bring the spotlight onto you.
Why do you keep retelling the same story?
Either you forgot that you told it already, or the story feels good to you.
If you are going to repeat the same story, just know that you’re most likely going to bore the other person.
Even if they are pretending to pay attention, in their mind, they are thinking:
‘Nooo… not this again!!’
It shows poor social intelligence to keep repeating the same story.
We don’t have control of other people’s behavior, but we have full control of our behavior.
Right before you are about to tell the same story for the 5th time this month, pause.
Acknowledge that you said it already.
Then find a new story to replace it with.
Don’t get so comfortable repeating the same story.
Challenge yourself!!
You’ve had 1000s of life experiences.
Find new material.
The Rare Occasion
Storytelling is best when it’s simple.
Avoid being too long-winded.
People are willing to forgive the retelling of a short story.
They just need to spend 3 minutes hearing you out.
But people get annoyed with the retelling of 15-minute tales.
Keep it simple, stupid.
With all that being said, there is one thing I haven’t covered yet:
- The hit story.
There are certain stories that are so memorable that people want you to keep retelling it.
When Walt Disney was about to create the Snow White feature film, he initially orally told the story.
The people were so enthralled by his storytelling prowess, that they kept asking him to repeat it.
Every now and then, you have a hit in your hands.
During moments like that, it’s fine to keep repeating a story.
For more insights into storytelling, check out the Art & Science of Storytelling Book
– ArmaniTalks 
