What is Lying by Omission? [With Examples]

There are 2 types of lying:

• Blatant falsehoods.
• Leaving out crucial information.

When thinking about lies, the first bullet comes to mind.

An example is if a mom tells her son not to leave the house after 11 pm.

He sneaks out anyway.

The next morning, when she asks if he left the house after 11 pm, he says no.

This was a blatant falsehood.

On the flip side, imagine this…

Imagine the mom says:

‘Bill, do not leave the house through the door after 11 pm! You got it?’

The son nods his head.

Once his mom goes to sleep, Bill sneaks out through the window.

The next morning, the mom asks if he snuck out through the door.

He says:

‘No mom, I didn’t sneak out…. through the door.’

This lie is slippery.

Was it really a lie?

Is Lying by Omission Really Lying?

If you want to be technical about it, Bill didn’t lie.

His mom said not to sneak out through the door, and he didn’t.

He snuck out through the window.

If the mom asked:

‘Bill, did you sneak out through the window?’

Then Bill may have told the truth!

Is it reasonable to call Bill a liar?

I would say, yes.

Bill was still lying.

But this lie is harder to prove.

Lying by omission is tricky to spot because it requires SPECIFIC questions to be asked, otherwise, the liar is capable of slipping away.

Lying is any time you knowingly leave out information that the other person wants to know about.

In this context, Bill was a liar.

He was aware that the central point his mom was making was not to sneak out of the house.

The exit strategies (door, window) of the house didn’t matter.

Yet, Bill focused more on the exit strategies rather than the central point.

How to Spot Lying by Omission

Liars who lie by omission often get caught in the long run.

The reason why is because the recipient of the lie collects more dots.

Once they have more dots, they can ask specific questions.

The only way liars by omission get caught is when they are asked really specific questions.

But it’s difficult to ask specific questions when we barely know someone.

Over time, as a social bond progresses, the recipient collects more data.

That’s when they see that certain dots don’t align.

From there, they will ask targeted questions that will force the liar by omission to fill it in.

• The liar can revert to blatant lies or just tell the truth.

Different people act differently when they have been lied to by omission.

Some folks think:

‘This person must have just forgotten to mention that before.’

Others think:

‘What else are they hiding?

If it’s the latter interpretation, then the foundation of the social bond gets hit with an earthquake.

Is Lying by Omission Always Bad?

Everyone lies.

The degree of the lies simply varies.

A lot of lies are a form of politeness.

Imagine that your wife took hours to get ready for your big work event.

Once she comes downstairs, she asks you how she looks.

You hate the amount of makeup she has on.

Still, you say:

‘Loving the dress, sweetheart!’

This was a lie by omission.

You have a strong distaste for makeup.

The central point of her question was ‘how does she look?’

You think the makeup is not making her look good.

Yet, you left that information out and switched the focal point of the question to her dress.

Were you being sinister?

Nah, in this situation, you were being polite.

So, I don’t think lying by omission is always a bad thing.

There is a time and place to be blunt.

Other times, the softer approach works better.

Not everyone lies by omission for a bad reason.

Why People Lie

Whenever someone lies to us, we may think that they are a bad person.

That’s not always true.

There are different reasons that people lie.

One reason people lie is because they are scared of you.

Imagine you’re a parent who has a record of getting pissed off when your child does something wrong.

In the future, if they make a mistake, they will go out of their way to hide it from you.

It’s easy to blame them for lying…

But at the same time, it’s important to look in the mirror as well.

A lot of times, when we get lied to consistently, it’s because we need to work on ourselves.

In this situation, the parent needs to look in the mirror and soften their approach, so their kid doesn’t feel so fearful around them.

Another reason people lie is because they are working on a new truth.

Let’s say they are currently working as a dishwasher, but they will have their master’s degree in a few weeks.

After they get their degree, they are solidified a new job in a Fortune 500 company.

When you ask the question:

‘Where do you work now?’

They will lie by omission:

‘Working on my masters.’

They aren’t saying they work as a dishwasher because they think you will judge them.

They want to impress you; therefore, they lie by leaving stuff out.

The Dynamite of Social Skills

I recall I had a friend who catfished his way into a marriage.

He was 250 pounds, but his dating app had photos of him at 190.

The girl he matched with thought he looked like his 190-pound self.

This guy let her believe that.

They eventually decided to meet in 6 months.

Once the date was set up, that’s when he lost weight.

6 months in, he was down to 190.

When they matched, he lied by omission because he didn’t post his real pics.

Once they got married, he said:

‘Oh yea babe, I catfished you.’

Luckily, she reacted well.

A lot of people don’t.

Use this social dynamite move at your own peril.

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– ArmaniTalks