What Are Deal Breakers in a Relationship?
This post is from the ArmaniTalks Newsletter
A dealbreaker is an action that will cause you to immediately cut ties with someone.
To really understand a dealbreaker, you need to understand the difference between a mistake and a choice.
Mistakes are born from ignorance while choices are born from information.
With mistakes, the person didn’t know any better.
With choices, the person knew better, but did it anyway.
Mistakes, we can forgive.
With choices, it’s harder to forgive.
Dealbreakers are fascinating because it makes us view a mistake and a choice in the same light.
Imagine your business partner accidentally committed tax fraud.
He was writing write-offs that he thought were legal, but they weren’t.
Now the feds are knocking on his door.
This may be a dealbreaker for you.
You don’t care if he did it by accident or with malice…you still have a family to feed and being associated with this guy will tarnish your reputation.
Another dealbreaker is in a relationship.
Let’s say Pablo and Diana are dating.
One day, Diana dances with another guy at a party.
Pablo finds out and he’s furious.
Diana is surprised to see Pablo so angry.
She used to go to a lot of Latin parties as a child, and the girls and boys always danced with each other.
This was the norm for her.
But this is something that makes Pablo angry.
Let’s say she really was ignorant on how her dancing with another guy would make Pablo feel.
Doesn’t matter for Pablo.
Since this is a dealbreaker, he views mistakes and choices in the same light.
He doesn’t care why the act was committed.
He cares that the act was committed at all.
We may be aware of a lot of our dealbreakers already.
A few examples:
- Cigarette smokers.
- Doesn’t want kids.
- Different religion.
Etc.
Other deal breakers present themselves overtime.
We didn’t know something was going to bother us so much, but it does.
You really want to assess whether this is really a dealbreaker though.
Are you willing to burn a bridge over it?
If not, then you’re just temporarily caught in your feelings.
Mistakes are born from ignorance.
Choices are born from information.
When we confuse choices as mistakes, we get bitten by the same snakes twice.
When we confuse mistakes as choices, we discard others too fast.
For more insights into Emotional Intelligence, check out the ArmaniTalks Free Daily Newsletter
