The Ticking Time Bomb
The following chapter is from EPIC: 101 Short Stories, Essays, and Insights to Improve Communication Skills
Over a decade ago, I had a cousin from overseas visit and stay over for the summer with my family.
During his time staying with us, my brother & I bonded with this cousin.
We talked about our adventures, played games together & would watch tv till late at night.
I was getting my cousin into reality tv shows.
One particular show was, I Love Money.
This is when contestants from other popular shows would gather on an island and compete for a 250,000 dollar check.
This program was entertaining.
Late at night, my cousin would grab a bunch of donuts and watch with me and my brother.
One thing that my cousin would do a lot was punch my arm.
He’d do it in a way where for the first few times, I wouldn’t feel the hits as much.
But since he kept hitting me in the same are, I’d start to feel pain.
He’d do it on autopilot.
Just randomly punching me on the arm while he was watching TV.
This annoyed me.
I told him to stop doing it.
He would stop.
Then, as a few days passed on by…
He’d begin doing it again!
There were 2 couches in the living room.
One long couch & one short couch.
My brother would lie on the long couch.
So he would occupy the whole thing.
My cousin and I would share the short couch together.
I was non-confrontational at the time.
So didn’t want to aggressively be like, ‘STOP hitting me!! Damn.’
Plus, he was warming up to me at this point.
I didn’t want want hurt the interaction.
However, this was becoming bothersome.
One day, we are returning from a late night trip from Keywest.
A bunch of the family members are in a large van.
I’m sitting in the back with my cousin.
Rather than punching me this time, he puts his palm on my face & pushes it.
Not quite a slap.
But close to it.
That’s when I had a knee jerk response & hit him back on the face.
And this wasn’t close to a slap.
It was a real slap.
He looked back at me in the darkness and was like, ‘What the fuck! Why did you slap me for? I was just joking.’
I didn’t know why myself.
It’s like my body did it for me.
And my mind was catching up…
I apologized to him.
Said I was half asleep.
He quickly forgave me.
Even though he forgave me, I think I slapped him like that because of all the times he kept punching me on autopilot.
The bruises on my left arm were starting to stack up.
At this point in my life, I was a Nice Guy.
I felt emotions like others.
However, didn’t feel comfortable verbalizing it.
A lot of holding in.
One day, we had guests at the house.
My cousin was lying on his stomach watching TV.
The other guests are talking.
Some sitting on the floor.
And some lying down.
At this point, I was close to my cousin.
Decided to play a joke on him.
I was eating a Samosa.
Which is an pastry with ground beef inside it.
This Samosa was hot, but not too hot.
I put it on his back thinking it would startle him.
However, he didn’t notice.
The Samosa just rested on his back.
The joke fell flat.
Once I pulled the Samosa off him….
I was startled!!!
There it was..
An oily triangle imprint on his amazing white Hugo Boss shirt.
This was my cousin’s favorite shirt.
He would routinely talk about how he loved the fit.
The shirt wasn’t cheap either.
Nice custom design & high quality.
And there it was.
A grease imprint on it.
I could of easily acted like nothing happened.
But I decided to act like a man…
Or better yet, I decided to act like a teenage boy & tell him what I did.
When I told him, he was visibly irritated.
But was quick to forgive me.
He said, ‘Don’t worry about it man. You didn’t do it on purpose.’
I recall that memory every now and then.
It showed the difference in forgiveness tactics.
And how people process emotions differently.
A nice guy feels emotions like their charismatic counterparts.
But when they forgive, it’s not always apparent whether they actually forgave or not.
I didn’t know back then why I had a kneejerk response to slap my cousin in the van that night.
Nowadays, I do.
It was because of the resentment of continuously getting punched when watching the reality show.
Due to not verbalizing my irritation, the emotions rested in the body.
Then the emotions took up a life of its own.
That’s why nowadays, transformational art is becoming a popular concept.
This is when art can be used to process emotions and create value for others in the process.
A nice guy becomes a ticking time bomb because suppressed emotions do not disappear.
Emotions are energy.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed.
Only converted from one form of energy to another.
As I work on the ArmaniTalks brand, and view that lesson of the past with a matured outlook, I realize that nice guys are slowly put to sleep by building communication skills.
‘You’re saying I have to kill the inner nice guy?’
Yes, that’s how charisma is built.
That’s when the energy of resentment is not suppressed.
Instead, it is converted into words.
Either the words can be kept to yourself in a journal.
Or the words can be expressed to the cousin who is punching you.
The ticking time bomb happens by those who you least expect it from.
They are quiet.
They are observing.
But you better know…they are feeling.
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