The Meaning of “Three Sides to Every Story”
There is Jorge’s side, Mary’s side, and the truth.
The fundamental point is that humans are biased.
A lot of times, a person will leave out certain information to suit their best interest.
Other times, they genuinely forgot.
Other times, they are telling the truth while the other person is making up a lie.
We need to understand how humans process information to truly understand that there are 3 sides to every story.
Avoid rushing to conclusions…
Are You Biased?
Many logical people like to think they are logical about everything.
However, they are not.
Human beings are fundamentally biased creatures.
For them to say they are not biased, they need to satisfy the following 2 requirements:
- They must know all the information out there.
- They must have sharp analysis skills to scope through all the information out there.
No one is satisfying requirement 1, so no point in discussing requirement 2.
Since we are ignorant of many fields, there will be times when we are lopsided in our thinking regarding a certain topic.
The sinister thing is that we THINK we know everything about the topic.
Here’s an irony in the real world:
- Stupid people talk with a lot of confidence while smart people don’t sound as confident.
The reason smart people don’t sound as confident is because they are aware of more information.
Their mind has to scope through more topics.
This causes them to sound uncertain.
While the stupid person proudly displays their ignorance.
Both are biased, but only one person is aware of it.
Avoid Believing Others Too Quick
The problem nowadays is that everyone has a mic.
People want to share their truth with others.
The public will take the following paths when deciding whether they are going to believe the person or not…
Path 1
- Does this person sound believable?
Imagine the person who is telling “their truth” sounds hyper-confident.
The public will empathize with this person and absorb their message faster.
If you ask the members of the public, why they believe this person, they will say:
‘I don’t know, something in my gut just says that this person is telling the truth.’
Path 2
- The other reason a person believes another person fast is because they have similar experiences.
Imagine that Jimmy used to get beat up by his stepdad growing up.
One day, Matthew tells a story about how his stepdad used to hit him.
Matthew’s stepdad is furious.
‘I never hit him! Sure, I discipline him with words, but I never hit Matthew!’
Matthew claims his stepdad hit him.
The stepdad claims he didn’t hit Matthew.
Who do you think Jimmy will believe?
Jimmy’s gut will tell him to believe Matthew.
Why?
Because he has shared experiences with him.
The 2 reasons we believe fast is because:
- The person sharing the story sounds believable.
- We share a similar experience with the person sharing the story.
The Truth-Teller May Sound Hyper-Unconfident
Joel was this shy kid who barely said any words.
He was a good-looking guy though.
There was a girl from our crew who used to always say how handsome she thought Joel was.
Her name was Jessica.
Jessica was the alpha in the dynamic while Joel was the beta.
One day, Jessica asked Joel out and Joel accepted.
They threw a party on the day they decided to go official.
I went to the party and saw them kissing on the lips.
I thought:
‘Awe this is so sweet. These 2 definitely deserve each other.’
I thought they were going to get married because they were from the same background and were the same religion.
A few days went by, and Joel and Jessica broke up.
I was surprised, ‘what happened?’
One day, I went to this basketball event.
Joel was surrounded by a bunch of people.
This was the first time I saw Joel being the center of the show.
He was telling a story about how Jessica cheated on him.
He walked in on her chilling with a guy that he told her not to see.
I don’t know though…
Joel was telling the story in a very unconfident sort of way.
Soft voice, mumbling, constantly darting his eyes as if he was making up a lie on the spot.
I absorbed his story but didn’t know if he was exaggerating.
Eventually, I talked to Jessica, and she framed the breakup as:
‘Me & Joel were just not compatible.’
She talked in a confident way.
I was prone to believe her.
Well, fast forward a few weeks and I saw Jessica making out with the guy that Joel alleged that she cheated with!
Hm… You seem to be moving on quick Jessica!
Maybe you really were seeing this guy while you were with Joel.
Suddenly, Joel’s story began making way more sense.
Just because Joel was telling his story in an unconfident way didn’t mean that he was lying or unsure.
He was just an unconfident guy.
Lesson:
Don’t confuse the message delivery system with the message.
Cliches Are Cliches for a Reason
Nowadays, people have forgotten that a person is innocent till proven guilty.
The public believes that the Kangaroo Court is the only type of court system out there.
As a guy who has fallen for plenty of lies, I want you to know something:
- Liars can speak with confidence while truth-tellers can speak with uncertainty.
You need to prime yourself to listen to the actual message.
The only way you can do that is to hear both sides.
Just because one person is being more vocal than the other person after a fallout does not mean the vocal person is telling the truth.
Remind yourself of this!
Our body is prone to falling for lies very fast.
We rather believe something (even if it’s a lie) rather than be in a state of confusion.
It may take us years to realize that we have been bamboozled.
Cliches are clichés because they have been true time and time again.
One of the most accurate clichés out there is that there are 3 sides to every story.
For more insights into storytelling, check out the Art & Science of Storytelling Book
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