The 2 Paths to Conquering a Fear
I’ve had 2 fears in my life.
The fear of heights and the fear of public speaking.
Both fears were conquered in completely different ways.
I conquered the fear of heights with a “tackle the beast head-on” approach.
With my public speaking fear, I conquered it through a “levels” approach.
Both strategies worked.
The fears are gone.
Can the 2 paths help you with your fear?
Let’s find out.
Tackle the Beast Head-on Approach
A few years ago, my high school professor said he wanted a former student to accompany him to Hawaii.
He had a lifelong dream of going up a few mountains.
Since he was older, he needed some assistance.
He’d pay for room and board and give a stipend.
I thought:
‘Wait, I will get paid to go to Hawaii?? Sign me up!’
Initially, the trip was fun.
We mainly did some hiking, occasional surfing, and ate a lot.
One day, he surprised me with:
‘Today, we are going to go ziplining down some of the scariest courses.’
My heart sank.
I didn’t like heights.
I didn’t mind hiking because I was GRADUALLY going up something.
But with ziplining, I felt nauseous just thinking about it.
On the day of ziplining, we had to do a warmup course before the real party began.
My group had 8 people.
2 little kids, 2 elderly folks, and the rest of the people were in their 30s.
The 2 little kids and 2 elderly folks were fearless.
I was terrified of even doing the warmup course.
I didn’t want to show that I was scared because these 2 little kids did it so effortlessly.
So, when it was my turn, I pretended to be courageous, hooked on a cable, and went across the line.
When I landed safely on the other side, I realized that wasn’t that bad.
My fear was blown way out of proportion.
I tackled the beast head-on.
For the rest of the day, I took on course after course.
Each course raising in height…
Levels Approach
If someone told me to give a full speech (7-9 minutes) in my first Toastmasters meeting, I would have been shitting bricks.
Luckily, that wasn’t the case.
My first-ever speech was meant to be 1 minute long.
The table topics.
Despite the short time, I choked.
Didn’t say a word.
I was embarrassed and I ran away from Toastmasters for a few months.
During my time off, I watched videos of other public speakers.
My hiatus from Toastmasters was a period of studying public speaking.
After a long time, I worked up the courage to go back.
This time, I tried another table topics talk.
And this time, it went well.
I would give a few more table topics speeches before I became a member.
Once I became a member, I socialized with the other members.
After the other members told me about their experiences, I gave my first speech.
Conquering this fear was more systematic.
It was broken down into levels.
- Level 1: Successfully deliver a table topic – failed
- Level 2: Study public speaking
- Level 3: Successfully deliver a table topic – succeed
- Level 4: Become a member
- Level 5: Chat with other members
- Level 6: Give a speech
Which Path is Right for You?
Sometimes, you won’t have a choice on which path you take.
For example, it would have been difficult for me to systematically conquer ziplining in the situation that I was in.
My teacher already booked the tickets.
I needed to conquer my fear that day, otherwise, my teacher wasted his money.
Other fears can be taken care of piece by piece.
For example, fear of dogs.
Aka: cynophobia.
Rather than immediately petting a dog, just be in the same room with it.
Then be in the same room with it for multiple days, each session a bit longer than the last.
After you’re capable of being in the same room with a dog, allow the dog to be off a leash.
Once the dog licks you, pet it.
Each time you get a friendly lick rather than a vicious bite, each time the fear gradually fades away.
Knowing When to Conquer a Fear
I have a fear of motorcycles.
I’ve heard of bad things happening to motorcycle riders.
Heard a story about a guy who drove over a rock, and he was flung off.
Whenever I share that story with other motorcycle drivers, they defiantly say:
‘Rubbish! Trust me, riding a motorcycle is way safer than driving a car. If you give me a month, I promise I’ll help you conquer the fear.’
I trust the person who made this promise.
I know if I put my faith in him, then he’ll help me conquer my fear.
Guess what though?
I don’t care!
I am perfectly fine with this fear existing in my life.
I have no plans to conquer it.
There is no shame in having fears.
We are all scared of something even if we are too proud to admit it.
Be selective with which fears you’re going to conquer.
Sometimes, you won’t have a choice.
Other times, you do have a choice.
‘Do I really need to conquer this fear? Is it hurting my life in any way?’
Think about this.
If this fear isn’t affecting your life in any major way, then tackle a fear that is.
Conquering a Fear is the Ultimate Confidence Boost
Whenever my friends from the past see me near a dog without freaking out, they ask:
‘Weren’t you scared of dogs before?’
I respond:
‘I was, before. Nowadays, I’m good.’
They are surprised.
They can’t believe a fear has been conquered and I’m exhibiting a polar opposite personality near the object of fear.
You only need to conquer 1 fear to know that you can.
Our time is limited though.
Rather than conquering fears that have no practical value, conquer fears that will tremendously enhance your lifestyle.
Conquering this fear will open up opportunities.
When you conquer it, you’ll feel like a brand-new person.
