Should Men Ever Be Vulnerable in Front of Women?
I want to start off by saying men and women are not the same.
With that basic assertion, I’m going to make my points.
When we are thinking logically, everything is clean and makes sense.
If a woman opens up to a man, then a man should be able to do the same!
However, when we are factoring in attraction, things change.
So, I want you to consume the post with the following question in mind:
- Are you factoring in attraction or not?
If you are talking to one of your girl cousins, then obviously, no attraction is involved.
Open up however you’d like.
But if this is a romantic partner, I have a polarized opinion about opening up to them.
Read on…
Should Men Open Up to Women?
I don’t think men should open up to women.
If it’s a rare thing due to a tragedy, that’s one thing.
But I’m not a big fan of a man crying in front of a woman, talking about all his fears, and why his boss bothers him.
Why?
Because attraction is in the mix.
Women and men are attracted to different things.
- A woman finds her man attractive when she believes she can lean on him.
- A man finds his woman attractive when she is soft enough to lean on him.
What a man doesn’t want is a woman who is so tough, that all the softness is gone.
It’s like hell getting her to lean on anything.
With this leaning analogy, I see why women lose attraction when men are crying too much in front of them.
In her hindbrain, she’s thinking:
‘How can I possibly lean on this dude? He doesn’t seem to be composed himself.’
Every now and then, there is an outlier.
I’ve seen emo girls who date emo guys who are defying all mainstream principles.
The emo guy is crying in front of the emo girl and she’s feeling attracted.
I’m not saying that opening up can never build attraction.
However, I believe that on a general level, being vulnerable in front of a girl and attraction do not go hand in hand.
The Concerned Cousins
A lot of what I’m saying is polarized.
If a man cannot open up to his woman, then who can he open up too?
I believe it’s wiser for a man to open up to his boys.
Every guy should have a brotherhood.
This brotherhood tackles the good and the bad together.
A lot of women will disagree with me on the surface level, but behind the scenes, they are like:
‘I don’t know why, but I lose a bit of attraction when my man cries in front of me. Am I a bad person?’
I have a lot of girl cousins.
They are super liberal and all into emotional intelligence.
Every now and then, they will ask me for a guy’s input:
‘Armani, why do I feel distant from a guy when they open up to me?’
I tell them there are 2 modes within a human:
- Logical thinking.
- Attraction feeling.
With logic, your goal is to think things through.
While with attraction, you are not thinking.
You are experiencing.
I tell them that if they want to feel feminine, then they need to be able to lean on their guy.
However, if the guy is leaning with the same force, then it’s hard to build polarity.
Therefore, the dynamic transitions into buddy territory.
How Each Gender Views Strength
Not only are men and women attracted to different things, they also view “strength” differently.
Both adjectives on how each gender defines strength begin with a C.
Can you guess what they are??
‘Uh… no! Tell me.’
Caring and competence.
Men find women to be strong when they are caring.
Women find men to be strong when they are competent.
Low IQ people will ask:
‘Are you saying men don’t want a competent woman?’
Or they’ll ask:
‘Are you saying women don’t want a caring man?’
I’m not saying that.
All I’m saying is that it’s not a priority.
Men view it as a priority that their woman is caring.
A caring attitude will turn a 6 into an 8.
If there is an 8 who is not remotely caring, then she turns into a 6.
Men hate entitlement and girls who need the princess treatment.
On the flip side, women love a competent man.
They love it when a man has learned the ins & outs of his field and has risen.
Competence can be displayed in other ways too; it doesn’t only have to be career-related.
Other ways to show competence is to fix things or organize a large body of people for a shared purpose.
Competence is attractive to women.
Competence highlights a sharp intellect, ability to learn from failure, concentration skills, and the ability to solve practical problems.
Putting it All together
The reason that I brought up how each gender views “strength” is because it plays a role in our attraction.
Recently, I’ve heard more men say:
‘Dude, she’s a baddie, but her personality is so bad. I’m ghosting her.’
A baddie is an 8-9 out of a scale of 10.
Prior to dating apps, ghosting a baddie wasn’t an option.
She’s upper echelon in terms of looks!
Nowadays, times are changing.
Due to all the options, we are getting closer to our primal desires.
The same thing is happening with women.
They want a competent man who can remain calm under pressure.
If this guy is constantly panicking, showing too much volatility, and shedding tears under pressure, this guy doesn’t seem like he’s been through a struggle.
I’m not saying you should never open up to your woman.
I’m saying it should be a rare thing.
If attraction is a concern, have some mystery.
A lot of information can be shared but be aware of how you share it.
For more insights into emotional intelligence, check out the Armani Archives: EQ Edition
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