Is It Okay to Have a Celebrity Crush While in a Relationship?

Movies are powerful.

They have the power to influence, make us think, and help us fantasize.

When I was a kid, I would feel amazing watching Harry Potter.

I’d carry a stick around and view it as a wand.

As a grown-up, I don’t fantasize about movies as much.

Others fantasize about movies a lot.

They especially fantasize about the people in the movies.

After fantasizing about the actors and actresses in the movies for a while, they develop a celebrity crush.

Some are silent about their celebrity crush while others are vocal.

The question is:

‘Is it appropriate to have a celebrity crush while in a relationship?’

How the Different Genders View Celebrity Crushes

In general, men and women view celebrity crushes differently.

Women view their crushes as a fantasy.

While men view their crushes through a practical lens.

When women say they have a celebrity crush, they are thinking about it from the storylines surrounding the characters in movies, how certain songs by that celebrity made them feel, and how they admire the talent of their crush.

When a guy has a celebrity crush, they think:

‘This person is hot.’

Are Celebrity Crushes Appropriate?

I believe celebrity crushes are inappropriate while in a relationship.

It’s one thing to find someone attractive.

It’s a whole different ball game to have a crush on someone.

A lot of women preface it with:

‘It’s harmless, I’m never going to meet the person.’

However, there are 2 faults with that logic:

• Flattened world.
• Limited mental bandwidth.

Prior to new media, creators and consumers were like a hierarchy.

We had a clear definition of what a celebrity was, and it was almost impossible for the average person to come in contact with them.

But after social media, the world became flat.

Nowadays, it’s harder to define what a celebrity is.

Is a YouTuber with 1,000,000 subs a celebrity?

Yes?

If so, would it be easy to come in contact with them?

Yes!

With social media, there’s a thing known as DMs.

With DMs, celebrities are no longer these out-of-world species.

They are attainable creatures with desires.

Another problem with celebrity crushes is the limited bandwidth of our minds.

We have so much attention per day.

When we have extra attention throughout the day, it’s smart to redirect it to our partner, rather than a person we have never met before.

Because it starts off light.

However, over time, it creates unreal expectations.

Very similar to men consuming adult content.

‘Huh?? Did you just compare my harmless celebrity crush to men watching porn? ”

As a matter of fact, I did…

Men Watching Porn: Yay or Nay?

I used to know this guy in undergrad who had a library of porn.

Each hard drive had a different porn theme.

I thought:

‘What the heck? Do you watch all of this?’

He said he did.

He makes a night out of it.

One of the videos was of a Sarah Palin look alike.

He said he liked Sarah Palin a lot and it was fun seeing her lookalike have sex.

More importantly, he viewed all this as a fantasy.

He knew he’d never get with Sarah Palin, or her lookalike, so what was the problem?

If he told his now-wife of his porn collection, I’m sure she wouldn’t be cool with it.

Why wouldn’t she be cool with it though?

Because of the same reason why a lot of guys are not cool with their girls having celebrity crushes.

The wife will think:

‘You have limited attention throughout the day. Rather than giving me your extra energy, you’re wacking off to a Sarah Palin lookalike??”

A lot of men don’t watch porn, follow OnlyFans models, and go to strip clubs for only practical reasons.

They engage with these activities because they engage their fantasy mind.

How to Proceed

The purpose of this post was not to lecture you on how you should conduct yourself in your relationship.

Because each relationship is different.

Instead, it was meant to give you clarity on why each gender thinks the way they do when it comes to celebrity crushes.

If your partner finds the concept of celebrity crushes to be annoying, don’t immediately rule it off as:

‘He’s just being insecure!’

That’s like him calling you insecure because you can’t “handle” him watching porn.

Put yourself in his shoes and vice versa.

Here are some action steps I recommend.

If you are the one with the celebrity crush, and you bring it up to him a lot, and he has a problem with it, ask him more about his boundaries.

• Is it okay to have a celebrity crush without being overly vocal about it?
• Is it okay to find anyone attractive?
• Is it okay to ever crush on anyone?

He may not immediately know the answers because this may be the first relationship where he has a girlfriend with a celebrity crush.

So, be patient and hear out the details.

On the flip side, if you’re girl has a celebrity crush, and she harps on it a lot, then tell her how it makes you feel.

She’s not a mind reader.

A lot of the crushes are harmless and a figure of expression.

However, I will recommend you watch out if she makes comments like:

• I would leave you for this celebrity.
• This celebrity is my guilt-free cheat pass.
• I’ll have this celebrity’s babies!!

If you as a guy don’t cringe when hearing statements like that, then look at the mirror.

Don’t let the media convince you that you’re “secure” for tolerating those statements.

Slap yourself on the face for being such a sissy!

Then tell her those statements aren’t cool, especially in public, joke or not.

If she doesn’t understand, then consider ending the relationship.

I’m sure those statements are giving glimpses to more skeletons in her closet.

For more insights into storytelling and psychology, check out the Art & Science of Storytelling Book

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– ArmaniTalks