How Someone Decides Whether They Like You Or Not

The following chapter is from Word Play: 101 Short Stories, Essays, and Insights to Improve Communication Skills

The beginning of 2021 started off with a bang.

I went to West Palm Beach to get a new car with my family.

Once we bought the car, I needed another backup key.

This was a service that was provided by a separate company.

After contacting the separate company, they said they will send someone over the next day.

Which they did.

The worker who was about to craft me a new key was this Italian man.

Looked like he was in 30s.

With a goatee.

‘How was he like?’

He was extremely rude.

So rude to a point, I thought he was acting.

When I asked him some questions, he’d be like:

‘Buddy, you worry too much.’

Initially, I thought he was joking.

But that wasn’t the case.

That was his personality type.

He even went onto say that some of the questions I was asking were dumb questions.

Eventually, he ended up giving me the new car keys.

And I was ecstatic to see this man leave.

2 hours later, I ended up going to this Cuban restaurant with my family.

A part of me wondered:

What if our waiter or waitress is rude like that car key man?

Luckily, that wasn’t the case.

Our waiter was this middle-aged Cuban gentleman with a sense of humor.

Overall, he made the entire restaurant experience feel great.

When deciding what to tip him, we were like:

‘Let’s go high. He was funny.’

Hm…

He was funny, that’s why we tipped him high?

Not quite.

It’s because he made the situation pleasurable for us.

When deciding whether or not we like someone, all clarity goes out the window.

And that’s when we enter the world of ambiguity.

‘How so?’

Well, I could say something like:

• We gave the waiter a great tip because he was bubbly.

“Bubbly” does not say much.

This is a very ambiguous word.

And ambiguity is often the language of emotions.

In the world of emotions, all directions besides UP or DOWN, seize to exist.

Was the interaction pleasurable or unpleasurable?

Now let’s imagine that this car key man was pleasant in terms of attitude.

But poor in terms of skillset.

What then?

Let’s say he was trying his best to get the car key made.

However, his machine stopped working.

And he was spending 30 minutes fixing it.

In the ambiguous world of emotions, it’s easy for me to lose faith in him.

And who knows, maybe tie my agitation to him.

This is when his personality can make up for the machine mishap.

A personality which consists of humor, small talk & a genuine care for the customer.

On the flipside, let’s keep my waiter’s attitude exactly the way it was.

Bubbly.

But the problem was that he sucked at his skillset.

He kept messing up my order.

Let’s add in the variable of me being hungry.

And let’s add in how the waiter wanted to show off & take my order without writing it down.

He wanted to prove that he could do it in his head.

5 times he messed up my order.

But he still has a sense of humor.

Do I like him or not?

In this case, maybe not much.

Because this order taking process is something he is in control of.

So, when we assess whether or not we like someone, it’s not always about the attitude.

Skill can also play a role as well.

But we go for a general vibe.

The general vibration.

In the world of emotions, there can be a lot of labels.

A lot of fancy lingo.

And a lot of cool nouns.

However, it always comes down to:

UP or DOWN?

This UP or DOWN assessment can happen in a matter of microseconds.

Or it can happen in a matter of years.

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– ArmaniTalks