Hate Asking for Favors?? Here’s Why!!
Whenever Billy coughs, he quickly lets his friends know that he’s sick.
‘Which one of you is going to be kind enough to bring me some soup?’
Whenever Billy needs a ride, rather than calling an Uber…
He quickly DMs one of his friends for a ride.
And whenever Billy needs to move, you guessed it.
He asks for a favor from his friends.
While Johnson is different.
Rather than ask for a favor, Johnson tries to do the act himself.
If he can’t do the act himself, then he will use his OWN money to hire movers.
Johnson wants to make sure he isn’t indebted to anyone.
Billy exists for a clear reason.
The brain has the path of least resistance.
We often take the path that is easy.
Aka: ask for the favor.
Question is….
What made Johnson the way he is?
Why People Hate Asking for Favors
People hate asking for favors for multiple reasons.
Let’s cover a couple.
1. Guardians Preached to Quickly Pay Back Debts
Your guardians hammered home the principle:
‘Even if you borrow a penny, pay it back immediately. Never be indebted to others for long.’
Those lines made an impression.
As an adult, when asking for favors, it feels like you’re mooching.
2. Favors Became Power Plays
Imagine that a boy and a girl begin dating.
One day, the girl gets fired from her job.
She doesn’t have enough money to pay for rent.
So, the boyfriend loans her $2,500.
He did her a favor.
One day, the 2 are having an argument and the boyfriend says:
‘You would be nowhere if I didn’t give you the $2,500! You owe me!’
The favor has mutated into a powerplay.
Once a few moments like this add up, favors are viewed in a negative light.
3. You Can Do the Task Better Yourself
Let’s say you are traveling to Seattle.
You know your buddy lives right by the airport.
You think:
‘How about I ask this guy for a ride? We can catch up and I’ll treat him to lunch.’
Soon as you land, your friend is nowhere to be found.
You call a few times and he finally picks up.
He overslept.
He says he’s on the way.
There is traffic on the road.
He misses the exit a bunch of times.
Once he arrives, his car is messy.
An hour has been wasted.
You think:
‘I could have just called an Uber.’
Dangers of Never Asking for Favors
‘Hey, Armani. Let’s say I never ask for favors, but I am quick to do favors for others. That’s a good thing, right?’
Not always.
Because here’s what happens:
- Others feel small around you.
- Others view your charitable acts with suspicion.
1. Others feel small around you
There’s a thing called the law of reciprocity.
Where we want to do things for people who did something for us.
A high-quality person appreciates when you did a solid for them.
Now they want to do a solid for you.
But when you don’t create an opportunity to have anything done for you, they feel small around you.
Human beings don’t like to feel small.
This is why a lot of times, you will see a couple randomly break up.
The public thinks:
‘How could Mary possibly cheat on Jacob? He’s perfect!’
I know this is illogical….
But from Mary’s point of view, he’s too perfect.
And his perfection reminds her of her own deficiencies.
2. Others view your charitable acts with suspicion
If you’re always doing favors for others but never ask for anything back, a lot of people think:
‘What’s the catch?’
It’s like when you get duped into going to a free event.
But this ‘free event’ was just a sales pitch in disguise.
Even if there is no catch, others often think:
‘I feel like he’s up to something. What’s his real motive?’
3 Ways to Gracefully Ask for Favors
Asking for favors is tough, I get it!
But here are a couple of ways to ease yourself into it.
1. Open Portals
For the ArmaniTalks newsletter, I don’t try to sell anything.
It’s just a free short story on public speaking, social skills, emotional intelligence, etc.
I’m perfectly aware that certain people are thinking:
‘What’s the catch? He’s giving me value. But why?’
So, I create a portal.
Beneath the newsletter, I have a banner of the ArmaniTalks shop.
People can click on the banner and they will be redirected to my e-commerce shop.
I’ve gotten numerous messages where people were like:
‘Dude, I don’t read books. But after reading a bunch of your newsletters, I felt like I had to give something back. So, I just impulse-bought 3 of your books. Thanks for everything!’
2. Ask for Knowledge Rather than Behaviors
It feels icky to ask:
‘Hey bro, can you set up my Facebook ads campaign for me?’
But it’s not as icky to ask:
‘Hey bro, can you refer some sources you used to learn Facebook ads?’
Both are favors.
However, asking for knowledge is not as aggressive.
It eases you into the process of asking for favors.
3. Equalize Favors
Let’s say you even feel icky asking for sources on Facebook ads.
Then equalize.
Ask for sources on Facebook ads.
Then say:
‘In exchange for your time, I’ll buy you dinner.’
If you’re asking them for Facebook ads insights, then chances are they are skilled in this field.
It’s ordinary knowledge for them.
From their viewpoint, they think:
‘Is this guy really willing to buy me dinner?? I can’t believe he’s doing me this favor!’
This interaction has been reframed into a win-win scenario.
Spread the Wealth
You’re an independent person.
Awesome.
But when you keep doing favors for others and never ask for anything back, these people feel a bit weird around you.
Open the portal, my friend.
Gradually allow others to help you just like you have been helping them.
Over time, you will see that favors were not only meant to be enjoyed by others…
They were meant to be enjoyed by you as well.
For more tips on social skills, be sure to check out my book, the Charisma King
