Friendly Competitions: Yay or Nay?
In my book, Level Up Mentality, I talk about why it’s smarter to compete with your prior day self rather than others.
The reason why is because of the clear lane mindset vs the traffic jam mindset.
With our life, we have full context of what we are trying to improve.
We know what we care about and what we don’t.
On the other hand, when we compete with others, we don’t know the full context.
- Maybe we are just starting a skill, while they are 10 years in.
- That relationship of theirs that seems so perfect? It’s not, there are tons of skeletons in the closet.
- The competitive mindset we are cultivating is destroying our friendship.
That’s the traffic jam mindset.
I believe having a clear lane is way better.
Just keep getting incrementally better in your own path.
With all that being said, I do think friendly competitions are a nuanced topic.
It has the good along with the bad.
Let me first tell you about the good.
The Road to a 6-Pack
A long time ago, there was this fraternity brother who I engaged in a competition with.
Who could get a 6 pack first?
His name was Sunny.
Sunny was one of those intense CrossFit guys.
He would go 0 to a 100 on anything that he was passionate about.
I was the p90x guy.
That’s a 90-day workout program for busy professionals.
One day, we were talking shit on our GroupMe and Sunny called me out:
‘P90x is a scam! I bet I can get a better body doing CrossFit!’
Caught off guard I said, ‘Let’s prove it.’
We bet to see who could get a 6 pack first.
All the other brothers in GroupMe watched with awe.
The next few weeks were filled with banter.
We’d post memes roasting the other person.
We’d post ourselves working out.
We even decided on the results of the bet:
‘The loser takes the winner out to a fancy restaurant!’
The months were hectic.
However, I couldn’t lie…
It made me hyper-focused.
Ultimately, I ended up winning the bet.
Sunny got a nice body, but his 6 pack was not as visible.
The brothers voted me as the winner.
And Sunny took me out to a fancy restaurant.
Why Our Competition Worked Out
With our competition, there was never any ill intent.
We both knew that it was all love.
Often, the RESULT of the bet will determine what type of competition it is.
If the loser had to walk around school with a sign saying:
‘I’m a loser.’
Then I don’t think that’s a good intent bet.
But the winner got a meal.
And during the meal, we could talk about our journey.
This was a situation where the bragging rights didn’t lead to anything bad.
So, when we made that bet, it was all good fun.
That’s what I ask when I see if the bet is good or not:
- Is it all in good fun?
Why a Friendly Competition Can Easily Turn Bad
The uncomfortable reason that friendly competitions can easily turn bad is because one person always wins.
Have you ever seen that before?
- You can get better looking girls than your friend, make more money than the friend, and get a better physique than the friend.
That’s when the competition turns into a form of bullying.
It just lets the other person know:
‘You’ll never be on my level.’
Despite continuously getting embarrassed, they keep calling you out.
So, you accept.
It’s not your responsibility to manage their psychology.
If they want more, then they can get more.
During moments like this, a snake is born.
I once had a close friend who would always challenge me to stuff.
And I’d routinely beat him.
After I’d beat him on a number of controllable stuff (like who could hit 8% body fat faster), he’d start to challenge me on things that I couldn’t control.
‘Arman, you can’t grow a beard, but I can.’
Um okay…
What’s the point?
He’d make this a thing.
After he roasted me for my baby face enough times, I said:
‘I can’t grow a beard, but at least I’m 6 foot. I have to look down to make eye contact with you.’
2 can play at that game.
The friendship turned into something sour.
Rather than bonding, it became malicious.
The friendly competition was not friendly anymore.
Knowing When to Challenge a Friend
I believe a friendly competition is fine when the bet has a deadline.
With me and Sunny, we had 90 days to get a 6 pack.
After that, everything turned back to normal.
Also, I think it’s good for the bet to have a positive reward.
Like:
‘The winner gets a bottle of champagne from the loser.’
And when the winner gets the bottle of Champagne, they crack it open with the loser.
Friendly competitions can definitely keep one motivated but also turn sour when dealing with a sore loser.
Some people hate to lose.
Despite them constantly losing, they never get used to it.
Rather than being upset with their performance, they get upset with you!
You think this is a friendly competition where things will eventually return to normal.
But it never does.
Part 2 to the 6 Pack?
I used to compete a lot, but nowadays, I don’t.
I noticed friendly competitions are easier when the lifestyles are pretty similar between the competitors.
Back then, me and Sunny were both in college.
We were both in the same fraternity.
And we were around the same age.
Due to that, it was easy to get a competition going.
Nowadays, it would be difficult.
He’s married, I run a business.
We live in different states.
And we are in different phases of our lives.
A competition is definitely possible though.
Who knows, I may challenge him to another 6-pack competition in the future.
We’ll make it another spectacle on GroupMe.
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