Do Not Assume Others Can Read Your Mind

2 of the closest ways someone can read minds is by:

• Reading someone’s Twitter feed.
• Reading body language.

These 2 bullets give a peek into someone’s internal work.

Even though these bullets are close to reading someone’s mind, it’s not the real thing.

The Twitter feed is filtered to present a certain image.

And with body language, a lot of information gets lost.

We often forget that others cannot read our minds.

This causes us to resent them and they have no clue.

The Sandwich Artist Days

Around 16 years old, I got a job at Subway.

I worked with a bunch of Russians who taught me the ropes.

They had a thick Russian accent as they said:

‘You cut bread like this.’

I listened, I applied, and I won their respect.

As time went by, I was no longer the new kid on the block.

I was a veteran.

Nowadays, I was the one who was teaching others how to cut bread.

Being a veteran felt good because I had power.

I’d tell the newbies to do certain tasks and they’d listen.

Life was good…

The Old Lady

Life was good until I had to go back to school.

Once school started, I could only work on weekends.

There was this new lady who was hired to take up my weekday shifts.

Initially, she was a sponge who was willing to learn from me.

But as school started, things began to change.

This old lady worked the weekdays AND weekends.

By the time I came in for my weekend shifts, she had a different aura to her.

She viewed herself as a “veteran” who could tell me what to do.

During rush hours, she’d order me around like I was new.

Every now and then, she’d just move me aside and take my position.

She’d rush me.

I was seething with anger.

Didn’t this lady know that I started before her?

She should be the one listening to me!

This was around the time when I was reconsidering working in Subway.

I was already busy going to school on the weekdays.

Did I really want to give up my weekends getting pestered by this old lady?

Weekend after weekend, she’d piss me off.

I eventually began to dread Fridays because I knew I had to see this old lady for the next 2 days.

One day, I snapped and told my manager I was quitting.

Updating My Manager

Once I told Ashish that I was quitting, he was shocked.

‘Wait, what?? Why?’

I snitched on the old lady.

I said how she made sloppy subs and expected me to clean up her mess.

Ashish didn’t want me to quit because he was already short-staffed.

He said he’d talk to her and get back to me.

A few days passed, and he called me:

‘She won’t be bothering you anymore. See you this weekend.

The Bitter Reunion

The day I returned to work, I saw that the old lady was already there baking bread for the day.

When she saw me, she smiled.

We didn’t have a chance to talk because we immediately hit rush hour.

Dozens of people were lining up.

It was only me and this old lady making the subs while Ashish was handling the register.

We worked 3 hours nonstop.

After 3 hours, things began to die down.

The old lady then broke the ice with me and said:

‘I’m really glad you came back. We make a great team.’

I was still bitter by how she tried to belittle me, so I gave a curt ‘thanks.’

The old lady continued:

‘Ashish said you quit because of me. I’m sorry about that. I thought we were just having fun.’

When she said that, I was shocked.

I thought:

‘Huh?? You weren’t intentionally trying to be disrespectful?’

Now I felt bad.

When she said that she thought we were having fun, I began to revisit my interactions with her through a different lens.

This time, I didn’t view her as a mean old lady who was yelling at me.

Instead, I viewed her as a quarterback who was organizing her troops.

When Subway hits rush hour, it feels like a sports game.

I saw how this lady was operating from the lens of an athlete rather than the lens of a bully.

I misread the whole situation.

Dangers of Assuming Someone Can Read Your Mind

I thought giving this lady the silent treatment, sighing, and aggressively shuffling my body was enough to convey that I was angry.

But that was wrong.

Not only did I make the mistake of assuming this lady could read my mind…

I also assumed I could read hers.

Rather than telling her how I felt, I just assumed she was being disrespectful.

Since that moment, I learned a crucial life rule:

• Overcommunicate when tension is in the air.

People can’t read your mind.

They can’t even read body language.

Whenever something is bothering you for a prolonged period:

• BRING IT UP.

Don’t bring it up in a way where you think you’re confronting the person.

Bring it up in a way where you 2 are trying to get on the same page.

Bring up specific scenarios, how those scenarios made you feel, and ask if that’s what they meant.

Often, you’ll see that you completely misread the situation.

Good thing that you bought it up then.

Other times, you’ll learn that your hunch about the other person was right.

They were being disrespectful.

But now you know they were being disrespectful rather than wondering if they were being disrespectful.

When you know their state (even if it’s mean) it gives you a sense of clarity.

Now you don’t need to run mental scenarios in your mind hoping that the other person will pick it up.

The moral of today’s talk is the following:

• Do not assume others can read your mind.
• Do not assume you can read their mind.

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– ArmaniTalks