Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?
There has been this viral topic taking over Tik Tok as of late.
Can men and women just be friends?
Many are putting in their 2 cents.
Ultimately, their answer comes down to yes or no.
That’s what you would imagine the answer to come down to, right?
In a general sense, yes.
But in a nuanced sense, I believe both answers are true.
For us to understand how both answers are true, we need to understand the difference between individual vs relational thinking.
Individual vs Relational Thinking
Individual thinking is when we are entertaining concepts that don’t fully relate to us.
Relational thinking is the type of thinking that deals directly with us.
Often, individual and relational thinking will collide.
Let me give you an example.
Imagine I ask you:
- ‘Do you think people can change?’
You think about it and say yes.
Then I bring in this gentleman named Pablo and tell you his story.
- ’17 years ago, Pablo robbed a bank. During his time in prison, he gave his life to God. He claims to have changed. Do you believe him?’
You think about it…
Then you give Pablo the benefit of the doubt.
‘Yes! Pablo has changed.’
All these are individual thinking.
Nothing directly impacts you.
Next, I say:
‘Well, Pablo is a top-tier money manager, and he would like to manage your money.’
Now there is a problem.
You ask:
‘You want a former felon managing my money??’
I respond:
‘What’s the problem? You said that you thought he changed!’
He may have changed.
But you don’t want to take the risk with your money.
Others are shaming you at this point.
Your friend group is hiring former felons to manage their money.
Why can’t you?
You stop getting invited to dinner parties, and your kids are being called names.
Eventually, you comply.
You say:
‘I will allow Pablo to manage my money, but I want supervision. There needs to be protocols in place in case he ever reverts back to his old ways.’
^Is this a fair demand to make?
Think about that as we go back to the initial topic.
Can Men & Women Just Be Friends?
I believe in an individual sense, yes, men and women can be friends.
But that’s not the question that’s setting Tik Tok on fire.
What the question is really asking is:
- ‘Is it appropriate for a person in a relationship to chill with the opposite sex, alone, multiple times, friend or not?’
That’s a specific question.
What do you think?
I believe on an individual sense, men and women can be friends.
But in a relational sense, I’m sort of like you when Pablo was being asked to manage your money.
Is it appropriate?
Nah.
Not solo at least.
I have no problem with my partner having friends of the opposite sex.
But I believe it’s better they hang out in a group setting rather than a solo setting.
It’s very similar to you asking that Pablo has some supervision in place in case he reverts back to his old ways.
Because guess what?
Humans still have a thing called biology.
A lot of people forget that.
You never know when 2 people who are spending a lot of time alone can revert back to their biological urges.
Pablo reverts back to his old ways.
He starts off stealing a dollar.
You don’t notice.
So, he begins stealing 2 dollars.
You don’t notice.
He begins stealing 3000 dollars.
You don’t notice.
The guy best friend touches the girl on the shoulder.
She doesn’t think much of it.
Then he touches her on the shoulder again.
Longer this time.
Next time he hugs her for a prolonged time.
Things are slowly escalating.
One day, Pablo runs away with all your money.
One day, the guy best friend and the girl hook up.
Who Will Sympathize with You?
Imagine that Pablo runs away with your money.
If you go to the same people who were shaming you and tell them about your current predicament, they will say:
‘You really let a former felon manage your money??’
You’re shocked.
The same people who coaxed you into erasing your boundaries are the same people judging you right now!!
Now imagine that the guy best friend and your girl end up hooking up.
You go to others for sympathy, and they point the blame back at you:
‘You were really letting a heterosexual man around your woman unsupervised for how many interactions??’
Don’t let the masses make you erase your boundaries.
That’s the only thing that separates a relationship from a casual hookup.
A relationship has boundaries while hookups don’t.
If the boundaries are not enforced, then society will make you question everything.
It just starts with:
‘You really don’t let your partner hang with the opposite sex unsupervised? Pig!’
To subtly going to:
‘You really don’t let your partner have sex with other people? Pig!’
Give them an inch, and they will take a mile.
Go with your gut on this one.
Orbiters
For this final part, only men with a lot of experience and very attractive girls will understand.
There is a concept known as an “orbiter.”
Plenty of folks play the long-term game.
They lack the courage to tell their “friend” that they have a crush.
So, they just sit in silence hoping for their moment.
One day, the orbiter goes for a kiss, and the girl is shocked:
‘Billy! You’re just my friend!!’
That’s when Billy turns a switch.
His happy smile turns ominous.
He begins barking at the girl who just rejected him:
‘Friend? I thought we could have been more than that!!’
A lot of attractive girls have a story like that.
That’s why they hate nice guys.
Because nice guys are putting on an act to hide their true intentions.
Break boundaries at your own risk.
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– ArmaniTalks 
