6 Signs You’re Dealing with a Passive-Aggressive Person

Have you ever met a snake before?

Folks who smile at your face, but behind the scenes, they badmouth you.

Haven’t you ever wondered how a snake was born?

I’ll tell you the formula:

• A snake is born when they are caught up in between anger and fear.

They feel anger at the person for having done them wrong.

Simultaneously, they feel fear of confronting the person.

In that dynamic, a sinister individual is born.

Guess what?

A passive-aggressive person is born from the same oxymoron!

They are angry at the person for their behavior, while they also feel fear about directly confronting the person.

Here are some traits of a passive-aggressive person.

1. They “Never” Have an Issue

There was this Everybody Loves Raymond episode where the wife’s parents seemed perfect.

This was hilarious because the husband’s parents were always fighting.

The viewer thought that the wife’s parents were going to stick with each other through thick and thin, but that’s not what happened.

Instead, they got an abrupt divorce.

Things were not fine.

They were just pretending.

A lot of passive aggressive people often create ‘perfect environments.’

Where they don’t have a problem with anything.

They fool the other person into thinking nothing is wrong.

However, there is something wrong.

The passive-aggressive person is just good at hiding it.

Every now and then, it’s smart to directly ask the passive-aggressive person:

‘What bothers you?’

When they are directly asked the question, they will give a response.

You’ll be shocked by how many things that you do is in their response.

2. They Make Slick Jokes

A lot of jokes are not really jokes.

It’s hatred masquerading as jokes.

These folks will feel like comedians right after you get a win.

‘Great job on winning the Toastmasters competition. How hard could that have really been though?’

That’s a strange comment to make.

It would have been wise to end the comment in the first sentence.

Why bother adding in the second sentence?

The passive-aggressive person likes to plant doubt in the other person’s mind.

They diss others with a smile on their face.

3. They Slyly Bring Up Your Mistakes

I recall a long time ago; I was upset at this person about something, and I lost my temper with them.

After a few, I apologized to the person for losing my cool.

This person said they forgave me.

A few weeks went by, and they kept bringing up the mistake.

It would be very subtle too.

‘I know Armani is capable of getting mad. Remember that one time?’

Initially, I thought it wasn’t a big deal.

Afterward, I asked the person if we were cool or not.

They acted like we were cool.

But I think they were upset with me for losing my cool at them like that.

I would have preferred if the person was upfront and told me they were offended.

Then we could have communicated till we were cool.

A lot of passive-aggressive people will act like everything is fine and dandy.

Then they will bring up the mistake in future interactions.

4. They Talk Bad About Others

I knew this one guy who was a nice guy.

He always went with the flow, never initiated anything, and was just there.

He would hang out with this girl named Emily.

Emily was the opposite.

She had a domineering personality, was bossy, and created plans.

One time, this guy got done hanging with Emily and was badmouthing her nonstop.

‘I’m tired of Emily always creating plans that I have to show up to.’

I was baffled.

Emily was taking the initiative, and this nice guy was just going for the ride.

What was he so upset about?

He apparently didn’t like the plans she created.

Rather than vocalize anything, he just smiled through the event.

I wondered how often he did that with me.

This guy was so laid back that he forced you into a position to plan something.

I guess he just went with the flow but was boiling inside.

5. Silent Treatment

Silent treatments are effective when you’re cool with someone.

If I give a stranger a silent treatment, they won’t notice.

But if I give my brother or partner a silent treatment, they will notice.

It’s an indirect way to let someone know that something is wrong.

The passive-aggressive person will mope away while not saying much.

Show little to no enthusiasm.

Give one-word responses.

Seem distracted.

Until the other person is like:

‘I know something is wrong! What is it??’

That’s when the person executing the silent treatment will share what’s wrong.

They have indirectly indicated there is an issue.

6. Slick Questions

One of the final signs of a passive-aggressive person is asking slick questions.

This is very similar to masquerading hate as jokes.

‘You’re a food blogger, I see. Do people really pay to watch you eat?’

That question has snootiness to it.

When we are highly ignorant on a field, we may accidentally ask a question that comes off as passive-aggressive.

• Being ignorant and asking is fine.

The problem is when the person is perfectly aware of the field and asks a dumb question anyway.

They are trying to get their target to look dumb as they answer this dumb question.

Is Being Passive Aggressive Ever Fine?

I’m going to end this post on a strange note.

I think being passive-aggressive is fine in doses.

In the real world, there will be a lot of disagreements.

Not everything will be resolved through logic and words.

Often, emotions get the best of us.

There are 2 routes in this case:

• Aggressive behavior.
• Passive-aggressive behavior.

Aggressive behavior like yelling and cursing someone out is difficult to come back from.

Where a silent treatment is easier to bounce back from.

I think occasional bursts of passive aggressiveness are fine.

It only becomes a problem when a passive-aggressive act becomes a passive-aggressive identity.

For more tips on social skills, be sure to check out my book, the Charisma King

– ArmaniTalks