Why you Hate Someone & Why They Hate You
Emotions do not always make sense.
Scratch that…
Most of the times, it doesn’t make sense.
And if you have razor-sharp logic…
Emotions can make even less sense.
‘Why does this happen?’
It happens because emotions follow a very different ruleset from logic.
And one of the tougher emotions to deal with is hate.
-When someone hates on you.
-Or when you find yourself hating on others.
These movements seem very sudden and jerky.
‘Are there any patterns we can find out?’
Yes, yes we can.
What is Hate?
Hate is an intense distaste towards someone.
The hate can be public, or the hate can be private.
Public hate is done by a hater.
Private hate is done by a snake.
View emotions as a gradient.
This is tough for someone who is very logical.
Because in the world of logic, we mainly go with:
True or False.
That’s black or white thinking.
In order to view gradients, picture one of those images which starts with pitch-black on the bottom.
Then the layer above is a slightly lighter black.
Then a slighter lighter black is on top of that.
As this process is going, the black turns to dark gray.
Dark gray turns into light gray.
Then the light gray turns to white.
That’s gradient thinking.
If we view emotions in this paradigm, we can view love as white.
And hate in the bottom of the barrel.
The black color.
Is Hate Personal?
‘So emotions are gradients, huh?’
Yea, for the most part, it is.
With words though, it’s easier to make emotions seem more rigid.
Like “happy”, “sad”, “angry.”
Very rigid phrases.
But the words are just tools for our mind to think with.
In the real world, someone can feel happy & a bit sad.
Confused, but hopeful.
Anxious & excited.
‘So if people can feel multiple emotions, how does this explain hate?’
Hate is a blend of a few feelings.
But it mainly comes down to personalization.
‘So you’re saying someone hates me because it’s personal?’
Correct, for the most part.
‘But I know this guy who hates me & I never met him! He keeps talking shit on my videos. Why?’
You don’t necessarily need to meet someone for it to be personal.
This is where things get tricky.
Just know that personalization was involved.
How do Humans Personalize?
When someone takes something personal, it does not always have to be applied in a negative context.
In reality, all forms of information that we gather in our subjective reality are personal.
Information does not stand by itself.
It requires a participant.
An engineering test guide means a lot to engineers.
-They were able to personalize the information.
An engineering test guide means nothing to nurses.
-They were not able to personalize the information.
‘What determines how we personalize something?’
Based on our past experiences & our future desires.
A blend of these 2 creates a narrative.
And a blend of these 2 (when unchecked) can create an untamed ego.
So let’s say you start a business & it’s doing well.
And you are making videos about it on YouTube.
Paulie (a guy you never met) sees your video.
He remembers how he started a business 6 years ago & it failed.
Experience.
He always wanted to do a business so he could quit his job.
Desire.
Seeing you succeed in a field that he failed in creates a flux of emotions.
The gradients of the emotional scale are being pulled downwards to the black territory.
The emotional tone scale can change quick.
‘How quick?’
Very quick.
And suddenly, Paulie dislikes you.
The narrative was so strong, it changed certain chemicals in his brain.
Now Paulie is using logic to understand why he hates you….
Like I said, can happen quickly.
How to Fix Hate
‘What do I do in this Paulie sitatuoin?’
People have different philosophies regarding this.
Some people try to logic with these individuals.
I think that’s a waste of time.
It takes too long to explain yourself to everyone and their hidden desires/experiences.
Oftentimes, not responding back is one of the most powerful responses.
The logical side feels like we should say something back.
But remember what I said, logic & emotions follow different rules.
Leaving them alone allows the hate to eventually subside.
The black emotions settle to the gray area.
And now they can review you through a gray lens.
And if they don’t, oh well.
Always gotta have an abundance mindset towards people.
‘How do I deal with people I hate? Those who wronged me?’
First, just feel the emotions.
Then, make sure you’re not like a Paulie.
Is this a micro decision based on your desires and/or past experiences?
For many, it’s deeper than that.
Someone wronged them for a long time.
And they find it difficult to forgive.
Honestly, this one is tough, but it requires a longer view of life.
If you are an introspective individual, then a lot of fuckups from your past probably make a lot of sense now.
If someone came to you and was like:
‘Would you undo your fuckups?’
As mature individuals, most of us would be like, nah.
Those memories impacted who I am.
Well, likewise, people who wronged us make more sense in the larger picture.
In this case, just aim to learn the lessons & see if you can view their good sides as well.
At times, the emotions put more emphasis on the negatives of someone over their positives.
So this person could have been a dope person 10 times.
But 1 fuckup….and the emotions stick to that.
Try to view their good sides & understand everything happens for a reason.
Over time, the mind will start focusing on something else & the dark emotions will melt away.
Letting go of Hate
Holding onto hate is a low ROI process.
But it feels good in the small scheme of things.
The emotional side loves the emotions on the lower side of the gradient.
It’s like gravity.
We are pulled down…
To the dark status.
That’s why there are so few creators.
And many haters.
They didn’t want to fight against gravity.
Or they had no clue how.
Hate makes a great emotion in stories.
But makes a bad emotion in behaviors.
One of the best ways to conquer this feeling is to understand this feeling.
And by understanding this feeling, we can rise up in the emotional gradients of our internal world.
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– ArmaniTalks 
