Why I Hate Hosting (And Why I’m Awful at It)

I’ll be real…

I am not a good host.

When I was a single man, I never wanted people coming to my place.

At one point, I lived right next to Soho in Tampa, FL, a good spot for pre-gaming and nightlife.

People often suggested my place should be the go-to hangout spot, but I always said no.

Instead, I’d direct them to another friend’s house.

Someone who actually enjoyed hosting, even though he lived 30 minutes away while I was just five minutes from Soho.

This friend loved hosting.

He thrived on welcoming people, offering them drinks, and making sure they were entertained.

I admired that, but I knew that wasn’t me.

And nothing has changed over the years.

Hosting, to me, is a chore.

One I’ll do occasionally but not something I want as a big part of my lifestyle.

Why I Dislike Hosting

I enjoy attending events, but I don’t like having people over.

For a while, I tried to analyze the psychology behind it, but ultimately, I realized I don’t need a deep explanation.

Some people enjoy consuming rather than creating.

For example, someone might love watching YouTube videos but have no desire to make them.

Likewise, I prefer going to social events rather than hosting them.

This has been a consistent pattern throughout my life.

In college, I rarely invited people to my dorm.

When I had an apartment, I rarely had guests.

Even when I bought a house, I still rarely extended invitations.

One way to balance this out is to marry someone who enjoys hosting.

If it weren’t for my wife, I’d probably never initiate a gathering.

She loves coming up with creative hosting ideas, where I would do the bare minimum if forced into it.

It’s a match made in heaven.

She enjoys it, and I’m happy to let her take the lead.

Is Hosting Necessary?

As I move through my 30s, I’ve come to realize that hosting occasionally is important.

I don’t think you need to have guests over every week or even every month, but every now and then, it’s a good social practice.

In your 30s, it’s easy to drift apart from people, but hosting small gatherings helps maintain relationships, especially with those who live nearby.

Hosting forces you to pay attention to the overlooked details of your home.

When it’s just you (or you and your partner), you might ignore certain things.

But when guests come over, you suddenly realize the importance of having extra chairs, fixing that broken handheld vacuum, or tidying up overlooked areas.

In a way, hosting keeps you sharp.

It’s like dating.

When you know you have an upcoming date, you’re more likely to put in effort with your appearance.

Similarly, when you host, you put more effort into making your home presentable.

You don’t have to host all the time, but doing it occasionally is a great way to show social intelligence.

It’s similar to treating someone to a meal.

Every now and then, it’s a nice gesture.

In your 30s, having a space you’re proud of and sharing it with others from time to time is good etiquette.

If you never invite people over, they might start wondering if you’re hiding something!

For more tips on social skills, be sure to check out my book, the Charisma King

– ArmaniTalks