What to Do When Your Guests Can’t Stand Each Other
There will be times when you invite two people to the same event, and it turns out they hate each other.
Initially, they’ll be angry at the situation.
Then, they’ll likely get angry at you.
“How could you willingly invite two people to the same event, especially knowing they are not friends?”
A lot of times, you simply won’t know.
Other times, you might know and invite them anyway.
To avoid losing two friendships at once, read on.
When You Didn’t Know They Were Enemies
I was watching an episode of the Whatever podcast a few months back.
One guest, named “Saint and the Sinner,” and another, Adam22, were on the same show.
Throughout the entire episode, they were bickering like long-lost exes.
Eventually, Adam22 got up and left.
Afterward, Saint looked at the host and said:
“Got what you wanted?”
The host, Brian, was surprised and asked what Saint meant.
Saint responded, “You knew I had problems with Adam, and you invited us on the same set together. Clearly, this was an intentional ploy for ratings.”
Brian looked dumbfounded.
He genuinely had no idea they were enemies.
And I believed him.
Unless you were familiar with the No Jumper universe (Adam22’s platform), you wouldn’t have known they had beef.
Brian made an honest mistake, but both guests felt like it was a deliberate move.
This will happen to you, too.
You’re simply hosting a party, and suddenly, you realize that two people hate each other.
Then they take out their frustrations on you.
I recommend apologizing quickly. Say:
“I know what this looks like, but I really had no idea you two were beefing. I’m sorry if this feels awkward.”
Apologize even if you’re not at fault.
If they don’t accept it, so be it, but at least you tried to defuse the situation.
Avoid making an already awkward scenario even more uncomfortable.
What to Do If You Know Two People Are Enemies
A long time ago, I attended a New Year’s party.
Once I was at the party, two fraternity brothers came up to me and told me my ex was on her way.
I appreciated the heads-up.
Without it, I would have been furious, wondering why my ex was invited to a party so soon after our breakup.
But that heads-up changed everything.
Even though I was thinking, “Why is she coming to my fraternity’s party? Why can’t she go to a party hosted by her own friends?,” I was still able to mentally prepare and keep it civil.
A quick heads-up goes a long way.
You could say something like:
“Hey, just a heads-up—Caroline is coming. My girl and her are cousins, so she has to attend for family reasons. I know you two aren’t on good terms, but I wanted to give you a heads-up. I’d still love for you to come, but I didn’t want you to be blindsided.”
This softens the blow.
Some people might still be upset, while others will focus on enjoying the event rather than dwelling on interpersonal conflicts.
For those who are furious, the judgment call is on you.
You could uninvite one of them or both of them.
However, if you’re close to both, uninviting one can make it seem like you’re choosing sides.
Creating Two Enemies or One?
Personally, I dislike choosing sides in public.
Nobody wins.
I usually try to broker a peace deal rather than uninviting one person and letting the other attend.
Otherwise, it looks like I’m blatantly picking sides.
The answer depends on the scenario.
A friend of mine was getting married, and his fiancée didn’t want him to invite a close female friend he had once dated.
The decision was clear in this case—the bride takes precedence over a guest.
But not every situation is so black and white.
I recommend giving a heads-up, and then weighing the pros and cons.
Consider:
- Who are you closer to?
- Is either person family?
- Can a peace deal be brokered?
Creating Peace Deals
Though uncommon, I’ve seen situations where peace deals were brokered.
Before the event, a mutual party said, “Let’s meet up and air out our grievances.”
Surprisingly, it worked!
After some discussion, the two enemies realized their disdain stemmed from a silly miscommunication.
From there, they were able to enjoy the event together, no longer holding a grudge.
Wagering a peace agreement is all about listening and moderating.
Let people talk one at a time.
Listen, summarize important points, and refocus the conversation when it veers off course.
Soon enough, people who once hated each other may feel comfortable being in the same space again.
Of course, for some, it will still be awkward.
And that’s okay.
We can’t always invite everyone to everything.
Weigh the information, then proceed accordingly.
For more tips on communication skills, be sure to check out my book, the Charisma King
– ArmaniTalks 
