What Makes People Spill Someone Else’s Secret?
A secret is known as information that is strictly meant for a specific party.
That specific party may be you and you alone.
Or that specific party may be someone that you trusted.
However, this trusted person ends up spilling the beans.
When you confront them, they are like:
‘Come on man, it was just a little secret.’
You are furious.
It doesn’t matter if it was little or big.
It’s the principle of the matter!
There is a reason people spill secrets.
And there is a reason why some secrets are best kept… a secret.
Why People Spill Private Information
Think about the things we were never taught.
Instead, a person was born doing it.
One faculty is the imagination.
No one taught us how to imagine.
We just knew.
Another faculty is to feel.
No one taught us how to feel happy, sad, or worried.
We just knew.
Another thing is to gossip.
I am interested in understanding why people from the East and West gossip.
They were never taught.
Is it primal?
What is politics?
It’s just people gossiping on a grand scale.
Talking about others.
I believe there is a faculty of the human brain that loves to share information.
There may be a reason why…
Why Humans Love Sharing Information
Every now and then, a major hurricane is headed toward Florida.
When a natural disaster is headed our way, the residents of Florida begin to act more primal.
They act primal in a bad way when they are only looking out for themselves.
Like those clips of people fighting over toilet paper.
They act primal in a good way when they share information.
A lot of houses in Florida are not floodproof.
So these houses need sandbags placed in front of the door just in case the hurricane causes a flood.
I saw an army of people talking in Walmart.
Sharing information.
Telling each other how to find resources.
‘You don’t have any sandbags? Go to 51st street. They have volunteers giving them out for free.’
’51st street is out? Okay, come over to my place later. My son and I are making our own sand bags.’
During moments of crisis, we go back to our fundamental roots.
One of the fundamental behaviors of humans is to share information.
I’m sure our ancient ancestors did this as well.
‘Don’t go into that forest. A sabretooth tiger is in that forest.’
Should You Share Secrets With Others?
Some secrets are small.
Like an embarrassing quirk.
Other secrets are big.
Where if others found out, their perception of you would alter.
Your perception of yourself would alter.
Whenever sharing a secret, operate with the assumption that the other person has a HIGH likelihood of spilling it.
- It’s because it’s in their fundamental nature to share information.
Think about it…
You can’t even trust yourself to keep the secret.
So why think the other person can do it?
They have lower stakes in the matter.
A lot of times, they will not intentionally spill it.
It’ll be an accident.
I was watching a podcast recently where the host was tipsy.
Then he starts talking about one of his friends’ personal lives.
The tipsy host shares how his friend has 4 kids.
The friend was trying to keep his kids a secret.
This host didn’t have ill intent.
However, the secret was spilled.
And did I mention that the show was live?
Dangers of Spilling Someone Else’s Secret
When you’re young, stealing may not seem like a big deal.
‘What’s the fuss? This guy has so much. Maybe the guy stealing needed it more!’
But as an adult, it’s not the possession that matters, it’s the intent.
The idea of taking something that is not yours is seen as a disaster by a sane mind.
Another thing that pisses people off is when they trust someone, and their trust is broken.
A quick way to betray someone is to spill their secret.
If you don’t trust yourself to keep the info private, it’s best to say:
‘I wouldn’t tell me, bro.’
This is very hard to do.
The body wants to know.
It’s a primal desire.
So telling the other person that you don’t want to know causes physical discomfort.
Another option is to:
- Keep the secret.
Playing with Fire
Imagine you leave a nice car unlocked in a bad neighborhood.
That’s not smart.
It’s not smart because you increase your likelihood of getting robbed.
There is a remix to this in the social skills world.
This is when you don’t tell the secret, but you give clues that you know something.
‘Oh, you didn’t hear about Susan? Never mind.’
‘Wait, what do you know about Susan?’
‘I know something, but she promised me not to tell.’
This is how a lot of people operate.
They don’t tell the secret.
But they play with fire.
And occasionally, they get burned.
‘Okay fine, I’ll tell you about Susan.’
Keeping a secret is binary.
Giving clues is a form of spilling the secret.
Being a Database
Kanye West is a notorious leaker.
He will post private text messages on his social media.
When asked why he did it, he says something along the lines of:
‘What do I look like, a Microsoft Excel sheet?’
For him, it’s honorable to spill secrets.
He believes he needs to share the info to clear his name and make others aware.
People are wired to spread information.
Whether it’s timely advice.
Gossip.
Or your deepest, darkest secrets.
Before sharing something personal, ask yourself:
‘Will my life take a major hit if others find out?’
Then act accordingly.
For more practical tips to improve your social intelligence, be sure to check out my book:
This book will teach you more about:
- How to spot snakes from loyal people.
- Creating effortless small talk.
- Asking smart questions.
- Following up with someone.
- And methods for cultivating an attractive personality.
GET THE CHARISMA KING HERE
– ArmaniTalks 
