What Does It Mean to Treat Someone?

When you’re in your 20s, no one really cares about “treating” someone.

What do you have, anyway?

You’re probably just a broke college kid making ramen in your dorm.

A dorm you’re not even paying for…your parents are.

But when you hit your 30s, treating someone becomes a much bigger deal.

This is the age when people start fighting over who gets to pay the bill.

The First Time I Saw Someone Treat Someone Else

A long time ago, my dad invited one of his clients and their family out for dinner.

In our family, there were four of us: my mom, dad, older brother, and me.

The client, Samuel, had a similar setup…a wife and two sons around our age.

We went to a restaurant and feasted like there was no tomorrow.

It felt like we were never going to eat again.

Then the bill came.

My dad quickly said, “It’s on me.”

Samuel countered, “No, it’s on me.”

They went back and forth for a while before agreeing on a deal.

My dad said, “Let me get it this time, and you’ll get it next time.”

As we walked past the bill, I caught a glimpse of it.

Over $600!

What the heck?

That’s a lot of money!

Why not just split the bill according to who ordered what?

The First Time I Was Treated

When I got married, I felt like royalty.

People gave us wedding gifts, bought us food, and took us out to celebrate.

It felt amazing.

When I was being treated, I didn’t complain at all.

But after our wedding, other friends started getting married, and the tables turned.

Suddenly, it was our turn to give others the royal treatment.

I was at a different stage of my life now.

I now knew why we treated others.

There was a stark difference from the boy I was when I saw my dad treat Samuel’s family.

Why Treating Changes in Your 30s

By the time you’re in your 30s, you usually have more resources.

Treating someone starts to make sense because you can afford it.

Chances are, the person you’re treating is celebrating something important.

Maybe it’s a special occasion, or you haven’t seen them in a while.

But something else happens in your 30s.

You’ll notice a shift in resources among your friends.

Some of your friends will start making serious money.

Remember those people in undergrad who were studying to become doctors?

By their 30s, they’ve become doctors pulling in $275k or more.

What about the engineering grads?

After a decade of working, many are senior in their fields, earning six figures.

But not everyone’s story is positive.

Some people are barely scraping by, earning $30k or less.

Ironically, the people with more money are often the cheapest.

I’ve always found it strange that some of my doctor friends are the stingiest.

It’s like they’re married to their money.

Maybe they’re being taken advantage of by their families.

I’ve heard stories of family members relying on doctors in the family to cover everything.

And let’s not forget student loans.

Just because someone is making a lot doesn’t mean they’re ready to treat others.

My Filter on Treating

I approach treating with a strategic mindset.

I’m not someone who will always pull out my wallet.

I’ll treat someone if:

• It’s a special moment for them (e.g., a promotion, career change, or birthday).
• It’s a special moment for us (e.g., we’re moving to a new location or starting a business together).

There are also people who will always be treated, like my wife or kids.

But when it comes to extended family or friends, I have boundaries.

If I notice that I’m always offering and the other person never does, I’ll start feeling a certain way.

Some people say, “Just give from the heart.”

That’s okay advice, but if you give too much, you’ll end up broke.

Don’t be someone who’s used for their money.

The more you treat, the less people appreciate it and the more they expect it from you.

Be strategic about when and who you treat.

The Power of Offering or Leaving Things Be

Finally, even if you’re not treating, it’s important to offer.

If you’re quiet as a church mouse when the bill comes, people will notice.

You’ll gain a negative reputation.

Just make the offer, even if it’s symbolic.

That said, there are times when it’s better not to offer.

For instance, when I’m catching up with a friend and they insist, “I’ve got your meal, bro!” as much as I appreciate it, it’s unnecessary.

We’re just hanging out; it doesn’t need to be a big deal.

If you keep turning everything into a treating situation, it can make others overthink.

I prefer friends who, when the waitress comes, immediately say:

“Separate bills, please.”

For more tips on social skills, be sure to check out my book, the Charisma King

– ArmaniTalks