What Causes Trust Issues & How to Overcome Them
A lot of top performers in a field have trust issues to a certain degree.
If it’s not public knowledge, then it’s something they secretly have.
You don’t know it because they don’t want you to know it.
Because they don’t trust you.
Just kidding.
What are trust issues and what causes it?
I’m going to add some nuance to this field.
Trust issues can impact:
- Business relationships.
- Romantic relationships.
- And friendships.
How can we be practical regarding the dark parts of human nature while simultaneously being open to risk?
This article will break that down.
What are Trust Issues?
Trust issues are when you view the other person with elevated levels of caution.
The reason that people have trust issues is because it was taught.
‘What does that mean?’
That means someone is not born with trust issues.
Look at kids…
They are too trusting.
Somewhere along the lines, the trusting nature of a kid morphed into elevated levels of caution.
Why the change?
What Causes Trust Issues?
Trust issues can be born from:
- Major shock.
- Minor moments of shock.
- Both.
For major shock, let’s say you go all-in on a business with a business partner.
During the rise of the business, the partner decides to destroy you.
Major shock.
Minor moments of shock are when you are causally getting burnt.
Sure, humans bring you joy.
But there are small quirks that happen.
- You share a secret with someone, and they spill it.
- You ask someone for the truth, and they tell a white lie.
- And you ask someone to guard your pet, then the pet gets sick under their watch.
A blend of the major and minor shocks create trust issues.
How to Reduce Trust Issues
I believe a bit of negativity is good.
If you’re always visualizing the positives, then chances are you may be blindsided when a whirlwind of negativity hits you.
One practice that a lot of speakers do before their speech is negative visualization.
Where they envision the worst that can happen and how they will rise anyway.
Therefore, some trust issues are not bad.
It’s a survival technique.
If I see someone who just got out of prison for robbing a bank, then I will be very wary of hiring them as my accountant.
But you’re probably reading this article because you are beyond normal negativity.
You have become bizarre in your negativity and are highly paranoid.
Now what?
Here’s one line to understand:
Just because 11 interactions went bad doesn’t mean the 12th one will.
This line is meant to reduce your trust issues and give new people a chance to prove themselves.
‘I don’t know man…that sounds risky.’
It does.
Therefore, let’s learn the difference between a reckless risk and a strategic risk.
Reckless Risk vs. Strategic Risk
A reckless risk is another phrase for you being an idiot.
A strategic risk is born from information and then pulling the trigger.
Learning to distinguish a reckless risk from a strategic risk requires pain.
Those with high judgment have a lot of battle scars.
No shortcuts in the process.
‘Can you give me an example of a reckless risk vs a strategic risk?’
Yea sure…why not.
A reckless risk is you marrying a woman who got out of 4 divorces for cheating on her partner.
You just met her at a club.
You don’t know her.
But think she’s pretty.
‘Why is this reckless? What if it works out?’
Surprisingly, a lot of reckless risks can work out.
I once saw someone who didn’t know how to drive a car, getting in a car and driving a few blocks.
But is it wise?
Not quite.
A strategic risk is vetting a person that you are going to marry.
You have some time to know them.
You get to know their mannerisms.
Then pull the trigger.
Is there risk still involved?
Can the person switch up?
Yes, and yes.
But in this case, there was some information baked into the decision that reduced the likelihood of a blow-up.
The Uncertain Reality
Here’s the thing…
Nothing is fully certain.
I read the book, That will Never Work by Marc Randolph.
Marc was one of the cofounders of Netflix.
In the book, he breaks down the origin story of Netflix and the key lessons he learned.
One of the most important lessons that he shared?
No one knows anything.
I thought those were bold words from a man who is worth over 100 million dollars.
Clearly, he must know something…
Right?
But that’s not what Marc meant.
He was saying that you cannot ever be fully certain.
Sometimes, you pull the trigger and are in for a pleasant surprise.
Other times, you pull the trigger and look back in horror.
That’s just the nature of reality.
A person that you could not see being a friend turns into your best friend.
A person that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, ghosts you.
Accept uncertainty.
That’s when life becomes a fun drama.
No One Knows Anything
The answer may seem overly simplistic, but let me repeat:
Just because 11 interactions went bad doesn’t mean the 12th one will.
There is a difference between a reckless risk and a strategic risk.
Strategic risk is born from information.
Reckless risk is a polite way of implying someone is an idiot.
Risk is a part of life.
Because no one knows anything.
Some trust issues are perfectly normal.
It only becomes an issue when it makes you paranoid and corrodes you from within.
For more practical insights into social skills, be sure to check out the Charisma King book.
This book will teach you:
- How to spot the traits of a snake.
- How to solidify friendships.
- Strategies to make small talk.
- The art of active listening.
- And how to deal with being ghosted.
Along with plenty of other topics.
Sound good?
Then be sure to check out the Charisma King Here!
– ArmaniTalks 
