The Psychology of a Hater
I’m sure you are going to be able to relate with this post.
The good and the bad.
Let me ask you a question.
Have you ever made that decision to venture past your comfort zone & create something meaningful?
It could be that:
· You are tired of your day job & wanted to build a side hustle.
· You are tired of being so shy & wanted to learn how to public speak.
· You feel as though you have a valuable skill & want to share it thru a personal brand.
No matter what it is for your particular life, picture that ONE moment that you aimed to reach for the stars.
Cliche, I know. But oh well.
As you were reaching for the stars, you found yourself tackling goal by goal.
After each hardship you were presented, you maintained composure & rose above anyways.
Soon, you could SEE that you were leveling up in real time.
What did leveling up bring you?
It bought you more attention.
And what did the attention bring you?
It bought you more supporters.
But that wasn’t it, my friend.
Understand where there are die hard supporters, there is also another party.
Another party who is not too fond of you chasing the stars before their very eyes.
They find it annoying.
They wonder ‘Who is this guy that is trying to be all big and bad??’
This group is known as the HATERS.
In today’s article, I am going be delving into the social dynamics world to talk about this group
But we are going to go deeper.
We are going to analyze the psychology of a hater.
Once you understand how a hater works, you will go from being riled up by them to empathizing with them.
Huge paradigm shift that will make your Level Up Journey much easier!
Why Haters Make the World Go Round
You probably didn’t expect me to begin the article off this way, did you?
‘Wait a minute Armani, are you telling me that haters are actually a good thing??’
Yes, I am.
Haters are good because they maintain an order of balance.
Look around you.
How many people would you consider GIFTED?
I mean they are truly ahead in terms of their age, profession, mindset etc.
Probably the bare minimum, right?
In the NBA, there are tons of players. But only a handful of SUPERSTARS.
Have you ever wondered why that was?
It’s because being great requires you to pay your dues & show mental fortitude.
Haters test an individual’s mental fortitude.
Oh, you think you’re great? Awesome.
How do you function with a barrage of criticisms coming your way?
Path 1. Do you panic & start becoming impulsive?
Path 2. Do you maintain composure & continue to produce?
The path that you choose separates the okay ones from the great ones.
The haters weed out people who thought they had it from the people who know they have it.
Therefore, you shouldn’t want haters to go away.
That is giving them the upper hand.
Instead, you want to condition your mind to see how you can rise past the hate & continue to perform.
How a Hater is Formed
In the last section, I talked about how haters keep a power balance.
They help weed out the people who were pretending to be great from the people who actually are great.
And as you can see, very few people are able to rise.
The ones who rise are the ones who go on to forge a legacy.
But the mass majority? They go to watch from the sidelines.
The mass majority is broken down into 2 groups when they watch a legend in the making.
Group 1: Inspired
The first group watches the Legend in awe.
‘Wow! Look at this self made person rising before my very eyes! Keep going, keep going!!’ they think.
This group feels a strong sensation of jealousy.
(Note: Jealousy is not always a bad thing. It is a compass for your hidden desires).
But the jealousy is met with a POSITIVE perception, which allows them to learn from the Legend.
Group 2: Hateful
The second group watches the Legend in disgust.
‘Who the fuck is this person to be rising before my very eyes?? What makes them so special? Stop stop stop!!’ they think.
This group feels a strong sensation of jealousy.
But the jealousy is met with a NEGATIVE perception, which requires them to tear the Legend down.
People who hate on others are ALWAYS hiding something bigger.
It’s rarely about the person they are hating on.
It’s really about the why of the what.
I explain that in the next section.
Finding the Why of the What
Growing up, I really hated on Lebron James.
Whenever my friends in high school would talk about how great he was, I’d do the exact opposite.
‘I don’t know guys, he can’t really shoot a 3’ I would say.
After years later, I was able to understand the why.
It wasn’t because I hated Lebron James.
I didn’t even know the guy!
But rather, I hated on him because at the time, there was a lot of talk that he was surpassing Kobe Bryant, my favorite player.
And this threatened my perception of the basketball landscape & led me to produce an emotional response.
· The what in this situation was: I hated Lebron James.
· But the why of the what was: Because he threatened my perception of the NBA paradigm.
You always need to get to the why of the what.
It helps you humanize a hater.
And humanizing them allows you to go from being threatened by them to feeling a tad bit sorry from them.
In order to find the why of the what, you need EMPATHY.
Understand that winners don’t hate.
Understand that winners get hated ON.
So approach the hater as though you are the higher social status party.
Really wonder the why of this individual.
You don’t have to directly talk to them.
But this exercise is more so for psychology’s sake.
Or better yet!
Analyse one time that YOU were a hater (like I was with Lebron).
And find the why behind your rationale.
You’ll soon be mind blown after your discovery.
Are Haters and Critics the same?
You’ll often see a hater confuse themselves as a critic.
But you’ll rarely see a critic confuse themselves as a hater.
Because critics actually operate with a framework.
Haters throw a bunch of shit on the wall (accusations) and see what sticks.
I am not going to go into a detailed explanation of the framework.
But here is a rough outline:
A hater gives criticism & leaves it at that.
A critic gives criticism & offers methods to improve.
A critic actually inspires growth.
A hater just uses you as a channel to let out their emotional trauma & insecurities.
Be able to spot the difference, so you are not confusing one for the other.
· Confusing a hater as a critic will lower your self esteem.
· Confusing a critic as a hater will seal off further growth.
Read that again.
How to Handle a Hater
Now for the moment of truth.
How do you handle a hater?
*drum roll please*
You IGNORE them!
‘Wait a minute Armani. I don’t hate on them back?’
You simply ignore them & keep climbing up the ladder.
What’s sad is that many people can’t follow this simple step.
Rather, they invest their creative and emotional energy to think of a witty hateful retort.
Or worse, they go into defending themselves.
When you behave like this, you signal to your subconscious mind that other people’s opinions can control your behaviors.
Every time you do that, you begin to value other people’s perceptions MORE than your actions.
This is a recipe for disaster.
But when you ignore?
Exact opposite happens.
You signal to your subconscious mind that opinions of others hold no bearing over your behaviors.
You will continue to produce greatness & never let a low social valued creature make you behave otherwise.
And the more you do this, the more confident you feel!
You minimize the opinions of others & begin to maximize your attention to your moves.
Want to know a funny secret as well?
Haters view all attention the same exact way.
Good attention or bad attention, doesn’t matter.
If you give them attention, they will give themselves a pat on the back for inciting a response out of you.
So when you clap back, they actually like it!
Twisted creatures, I know.
But when you ignore them?
Makes them feel like the valueless shitheads that they are.
The will feel worthless & try even harder to get your attention.
But continue to ignore them & pave your path as you level up.
The more they get ignored, the more they feel pain.
Eventually, they go away or they become comic relief to you.
Turning a Hater into a Fan
Want to know something?
Nowadays, I truly appreciate Lebron James’s greatness.
He is on my Mount Rushmore of top players of all time.
But if you were to tell my high school self that, I would have LAUGHED at you.
You see, a fan & a hater both feel strong emotions towards someone, but the perception is different.
Fan = Strong emotion + Positive perception
Hater = Strong emotion + Negative perception
Once you make another human feel strong emotions towards you, there is an invisible bridge between the 2 of y’all.
When you are getting hated on, and you hate on them back, it makes the hater further seal their negative perception of you.
Their ego begins to justify why they should hate you.
But when you ignore them, now the human has some time to disengage from their reactive ego & engage their logic.
The emotional waves settle down & the sea becomes clearer.
They eventually make a realization that they were hating on you from an impulsive level, not a rational one.
In many cases, this leads them to change the perception (just like I did with LeBron James).
They still feel strong emotions towards you, but now on a positive level.
Funny how human nature works.
Which is why having haters is better than having a bunch of people who feel indifferent towards you.
A hater indicates that you are rising above the ranks & standing for something.
On the contrary, when people are indifferent towards you, it shows that you are most likely echoing what everyone else is.
That’s for your perspective.
Renewed Paradigm of Haters
Hopefully this article gave you a stronger understanding of how haters operate.
You now understand their place in the world, how they are born & how you should respond to them.
While many people continue to behave impulsively, you can now behave with strategy.
Greatness is not an easy target for anyone.
It is a rite of passage.
And overcoming negativity is simply one of the barriers that you have to go thru.
But ask yourself, is it worth it?
When your name is etched in history, are you going to be thinking about the haters?
You are going to be thinking about the results that you produced.
The lives that you changed.
How you engineered your own destiny.
Filled with pride for continuing your path & one day reaching immortality.
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– ArmaniTalks 🎙️🔥