Stop Saying “Bring People” When Inviting Introverts
I recall when I was in undergrad, I was the Executive VP for my fraternity for a while.
My role was to throw events.
Right before these events, I would tell my fraternity brothers to invite people.
I’d go to the shy ones and say:
“Don’t be so nervous about inviting people. Just follow this simple script: ‘Hey (insert name), you’re invited to this party. Plus, bring people!’”
“Bring people” was a standard saying for me because I wanted the party to be packed.
I thought I was doing a positive thing.
Plenty of people would hit me up on the day of the event and say:
“Hey Armani, can I bring so-and-so?”
So, why not tell people to bring others from the get-go?
I thought it’d kill two birds with one stone.
Why “Bring People” Is Not Always Socially Savvy
When popular kids, kids with solid friend circles, or extroverted people hear “bring people,” they get excited.
They’ll respond with, “On it!”
But with shy people, introverts, or people who just moved to a new place, they get nervous when they hear “bring people.”
For them, it feels like extra pressure.
They start thinking:
- “What if I have no one to bring?”
- “What if I bring just one person? Did I mess up? They said ‘bring people,’ not just one person.”
- “I don’t know anyone to bring…”
Then, they panic and talk themselves out of going to the event altogether.
I’ve seen it happen many times.
What to Say Instead
Instead of saying “bring people,” say “it’s open invite.”
This phrase is much less intense and has the same effect as “bring people.”
For example:
“Hey Raj, you’re invited to my party. It’s open invite, by the way.”
This allows Raj to bring someone if he wants to.
And if he has no one to bring, he’ll still feel comfortable coming.
This subtle nuance plays a big role.
People are self-conscious right before coming to a party.
A lot of them have limiting beliefs.
It’s similar to the person who is throwing the party!
The host often wonders, “What if no one shows up?”
Types of People to Avoid Asking “Bring People” To
The types of people you want to avoid saying to “bring people” are:
- Shy individuals
- Introverts
- People who recently moved to a new area
The last one is especially important—people who have moved to a new state or city.
They might be super social normally, but since they’ve just moved, they may not know many people yet.
I remember when I moved to Virginia, I was really excited to go to a party.
It’d been a while since my last one.
On the day of the event, the host texted me:
“Hey Armani, I’d appreciate it if you brought people.”
I got flustered.
Who was I going to invite?
I barely knew anyone in Virginia.
I asked a few people I lived with.
But this was a temporary living situation where roommates changed every few weeks as we trained for our roles and then left.
The new batch of people all turned down my invite.
Boom.
That was it.
I had no one else to ask.
Then, I second-guessed going to the party altogether.
What if I walked in and the host said, “I thought I told you to bring people, Armani!”
That last-minute text made me reconsider going to the event at all.
Open Invites
“Open invite” is a much less aggressive phrase in my opinion.
People understand the concept of “open” versus “closed” invites.
When you say “bring people,” there’s no natural opposite to it.
You wouldn’t say, “Don’t bring people.”
There’s no language like that!
When there’s a popular phrase for certain activities, it’s easier to invite others.
It’s similar to when someone feels nervous about going on a date.
You don’t want to overwhelm them with details.
You want to reduce the pressure.
Instead of saying, “Wear something nice, we’re going here, here, and here,” just say, “I’ll see you at this location, and we’ll chill.”
“Chill” is a broad, relaxed word that helps people feel more at ease, especially when they’re nervous.
Likewise, when people hear “open invite,” they know what it means.
It takes the pressure off having to bring others, and they can focus on enjoying the party.
Nuances Matter!
With social skills, nuances matter.
Your language influences someone’s emotional state.
I wrote a post before about why you should never ask someone if they’re nervous before giving a speech.
Mainly because that question makes the speaker more nervous!
Instead, ask, “Are you excited?”
This gets the speaker into a more positive mindset.
Similarly, avoid telling guests to “bring people.”
It often makes them more tense.
I know that’s not your intention—you just want to seem welcoming.
However, to really come off as welcoming, say “open invite” with a smile.
It’ll reduce stress for your guest—and for you.
From there, you can enjoy your party with a packed house where everyone feels comfortable mingling.
For more tips on communication skills, be sure to check out my book, the Charisma King
– ArmaniTalks 
