Stop Asking to Crash on Friends’ Couches in Your 30s
At the beginning of last year, I had a friend visiting from New Mexico.
He hit me up and said:
“Yoo bro! I’m going to be in your city. What time should I come over lolll.”
At first, I thought he was just talking about when he wanted to hang out.
Later on, I found out he was actually asking about staying with me.
I kept playing it off, saying things like, “Come right now, bro! Haha.”
But I never gave a serious answer, and I only talked about when we could chill.
I really didn’t want him staying with me, but since he didn’t directly ask if he could crash on my couch, I didn’t think much of it.
Plus, his parents live nearby, so I assumed he would stay with them, especially since he lives on the other coast.
Closer to the trip, he kept dropping hints about wanting to stay with me.
Finally, a week before, he straight-up asked, “Yo Armani, could I crash on your couch?”
I was living in a 700-square-foot apartment in downtown Tampa.
Did he really need to stay with me?
We’re not in college anymore.
How I Responded
I didn’t want to be rude, so I said, “Yeah, bro, you can. However, just know that I live in a 700-square-foot apartment.”
He said it was fine, but luckily, a few days before the trip, he let me know he’d be staying with his parents.
I was so relieved.
I really didn’t want a grown man crashing on my couch.
We’re in our 30s now, not our 20s.
There are certain favors we just need to grow out of.
Just like it’s socially awkward to ask people to help you move in your 30s, you should avoid asking people to crash on their couch in your 30s too.
What You Should Do Instead
Just get a hotel instead of asking people to crash on their couch.
It’s really that simple.
I used to think this wasn’t a smart move.
Why spend money on a hotel when you could just stay with a friend?
First of all, hotels aren’t that expensive.
Depending on the hotel you choose, it can be super cheap.
And even if it’s not cheap, there’s a convenience factor.
It’s way more convenient to have a whole hotel room to yourself versus crashing on someone’s couch.
The whole experience is different too.
You’re not waiting for the bathroom together or stepping on each other’s toes.
Personal boundaries are respected.
Plus, you’ll feel more independent, knowing you have your own place to go to while traveling.
You won’t feel like you’re bothering anyone.
Exceptions to the Couch-Crashing Rule
There are a few exceptions to this rule.
Sometimes, it’s okay to crash on someone’s couch.
First, if someone is vehemently asking you to stay with them, they truly want you to stay.
For example, if they say, “Bro, I’ll literally be offended if you don’t stay with me. Please stay,” then it’s fine.
Unless they’re using strong language like that, they probably don’t want you to stay.
Another exception is if the person has a big space.
Nowadays, I live in a four-bedroom house.
If that friend who asked last year wanted to stay over this year, I’d technically allow it.
The place is bigger, so we wouldn’t be stepping on each other’s toes.
By the way, when I say “crashing on a couch,” I’m speaking figuratively.
It doesn’t have to be just a couch.
Air mattresses, futons, and even sleeping on the floor fall under this “couch-crashing” category.
Lastly, it’s usually okay to stay with family.
Often, family members want you to stay with them because it’s easier to catch up.
The place might not be big, but it’s a vibe to create memories in a crammed apartment rather than everyone doing their own thing.
Don’t Get Offended If Someone Turns You Down
If someone turns you down when you ask to crash at their place, don’t get mad.
As people move from their 20s to their 30s, things get exponentially more complex.
People are getting married, having kids, getting promotions, and hosting someone at the last minute isn’t easy.
From your perspective, it may sound easy.
You might think, “What’s the big deal? I literally just want to sleep on their couch. I won’t even interact with them.”
Even if you don’t interact, your presence alone can cause a disturbance.
They don’t want to feel like they’re hosting someone.
It’s that simple.
If someone turns you down, accept the rejection and move on.
Don’t make a fuss about it.
Build Your Traveling Literacy
There’s an art to finding good deals when traveling—from booking flights and rental cars to finding the right hotel.
When I travel, I have go-to hotels that I love, along with everything nearby.
I still hang out with my friends, but after we’re done chilling, I feel relieved to come back to my own spot.
In your 30s, learning how to travel is a necessary skill.
Learn how to book, how to keep your appointments in order, and how to make everything connect smoothly.
But it’s not a skill to be a grown man and say, “Hey man, can I crash on your couch?”
You’re growing up, buddy.
Grow out of asking to crash on someone’s couch.
For more tips on communication skills, be sure to check out my book, the Charisma King
– ArmaniTalks 
