Shy vs Quiet: What’s the Difference?
Shy and quiet are not the same.
Although they look the same at a surface level, in the internal world, the 2 are different.
The shy person wants to speak up more.
However, they are self-conscious and don’t say much.
While the quiet person is not in a state of turmoil.
They are chill and don’t have much to say.
Confusing the 2 is a recipe for disaster.
It will lead to creating a lot of misconceptions regarding the other person.
Also, not knowing the difference between shy and quiet is not good when evaluating yourself.
Allow us to dive deeper into the difference between shy vs quiet.
What Causes Shyness?
Let’s start off with shyness first.
What causes it?
This is a vague question.
And you know what they say about vague questions…
You will get vague responses.
What causes shyness are a variety of things.
- Maybe you got made fun of for your accent growing up.
- Maybe you were raised by shy guardians.
- Or maybe you gained a lot of weight as of late and feel self-conscious.
The list of reasons is vast.
However, the result is the same.
The shy person feels uncomfortable speaking up in social interactions.
They want to say something.
Yet something is holding them back.
And that something is their inner voice.
What Causes Being Quiet?
A quiet person is born through a variety of reasons as well.
Often, being quiet is not a bad thing.
Especially because the quiet guy is in a calm state.
To understand the importance of being quiet, imagine the opposite.
Do you know someone who likes to talk just for the sake of talking?
They don’t say much.
However, their mouth is always moving.
Yapping away.
This personality type makes you appreciate the quiet person a lot more!
‘What is the main con of being quiet?’
There are 2 cons.
- Lack of opportunities
- Being perceived as standoffish.
If you’re too quiet then you won’t ever make a splash.
You’ll be easy to forget.
This will cause you to not make many moves in your field and build influence.
Another setback is that you will often seem disinterested.
After someone is done talking to you, they will be like:
‘He just didn’t seem like he was interested. I got this pompous vibe from him.’
What Next?
‘So, what do I exactly do with all this information?’
You don’t have to do much.
This blog was mainly meant to highlight the difference between shy vs quiet.
Just like being confident and cocky are different…
So is being quiet vs being shy.
Now you know the difference.
Recap:
Both are not saying much on the surface.
But inside:
- The quiet person is calm.
- The shy person is in turmoil.
If you want actionable suggestions on what to do next, read on.
I’ve been shy.
I’ve been quiet.
The following advice is from my experience…
Shy to Quiet
My first suggestion is to go from:
- Shy to quiet.
This means an internal transformation needs to happen.
To make the internal transformation, there are 2 paths:
- There is the quick way to overcome shyness.
- And the gradual way.
Which one do you want to hear about first?
‘The quick way!’
The quick way to overcome shyness is to learn public speaking.
If you can speak with composure when 50 people are looking at you, then 5 people become light work.
To learn public speaking, join a Toastmasters club near you and participate.
Soon, you’ll notice the nerves melting away in social interactions.
‘Great, what about the gradual path?’
The gradual path is to speak up a bit more in conversations.
It doesn’t have to be an overnight shift.
Where you go from barely saying anything to speaking 95 percent of the conversation.
But if you normally speak 1 percent…
Then go to 5 percent.
Build up from there.
Soon, the emotional state will feel calmer.
Quiet to Making an Impression
Now you are quiet.
This is not bad.
You can stop here.
But to make a splash, I recommend telling more stories.
I don’t often see quiet people telling too many stories.
Instead, they are mainly responding to questions they’ve been asked.
In a conversation, there are 2 parties:
- Creator.
- Contributor.
Most people are contributors.
A creator brings up a topic.
Then the contributor puts their 2 cents in.
Few people are capable of creating a topic.
If you can create and contribute, then charisma skyrockets.
To ease into the mindset of telling more stories in a conversation, just know it doesn’t have to be grand.
Jerry Seinfeld didn’t become one of the most iconic comedians telling stories about dragons and fairies.
Instead, he spoke about his daily life.
You can do the same as well!
Just talk about ordinary activities that were out of the usual.
Share a story about a coincidence.
I know you have had coincidences before.
Or an embarrassing moment from your past that you now find funny.
Here is a class I did on Skillshare on how to tell effortless stories in conversations.
Going from a Caterpillar to a Butterfly
The people who teach the best social dynamics are not the lifelong popular kids.
Instead, it’s those who were:
- Awkward.
- Nerdy.
- And shy before.
The reason they teach the best social dynamics is because they factor in the element of pain when constructing their lessons.
It’s difficult to learn social skills from a natural.
So, embrace being shy.
Turn shyness into being quiet.
Then gradually go from being quiet to making a splash.
If you want more practical tips on how to improve your charisma, then be sure to check out my book:
This book will teach you how to:
- Listen more effectively.
- Tell effortless stories in conversations.
- Distinguish snakes from loyal people.
- Create small talk about anything.
- Build a powerful social circle.
Along with plenty of other topics!
Sound good?
If so, then be sure to grab a copy here
