Should You Tell Someone They’re Being Cheated On?
People react in strange ways when they find out they are being cheated on.
Some love it when you tell them their partner was cheating on them, so they don’t have to waste any more time on them.
Others decide to shoot the messenger.
Rather than getting mad at the person who is cheating on them, they get angry at the messenger for delivering the bad news.
I’ve seen this happen plenty of times.
Before breaking the news, you need to understand why people react so poorly to the messenger when they are being cheated on.
Breaking the Fairy Tale
When people are in love, they see life differently.
For one of my past relationships, my ex kept telling me she had a big nose.
I couldn’t believe she thought that.
Every time I saw her nose, I thought it looked great.
Fast forward 7 years.
We are broken up.
One day, I looked through my GoPro and found a video of me and my ex when we were dating.
The first thing I noticed was how big her nose was.
I was shocked.
‘Wait, she did have a big nose!! How did I not see this before??’
The reason I didn’t see her big nose before was because my feelings influenced my perception.
That’s how all people are when they’re in love.
Their feelings influence their perception.
They see what they want to see, not reality for what it is.
Now here you are…telling them their partner is cheating on them.
That’s like you coming to me back in the day, and trying to convince me that my partner had a big nose.
I’d get offended.
Should You Be Selective About Who You Break the News To?
Some people say that you should always tell someone went they are being cheated on.
I get where they are coming from, but I don’t agree with that.
I will typically break the news to good friends.
There will be times when I make an exception and break the news to someone who I am not cool with.
If I’m breaking the news to someone I’m not cool with, I have a certain strategy…
I’ll discuss that strategy shortly.
I just don’t like getting caught up in a whirlwind of drama.
When you break the news that someone’s partner is cheating on them, they may take out their aggression on you.
They’ll start grilling you:
- How can I trust you?
- Why are you telling me this now?
- How long have you known?
A lot of people are mature, and they are not going to put you in the hot seat.
But some may.
And that “some” is a form of drama that I’m not looking to invite into my life.
If I’m cool with the person, I’ll tell them.
If I’m not cool with the person, then I’ll think about it.
How you Should Tell Someone They Are Being Cheated On
One of my friends used to date this girl that he was in love with.
His name was Harsh, and her name was Ami.
They had the perfect relationship.
Harsh had to go overseas for medical school.
By the time he came back, he was going to ask Ami to marry him.
When he went to medical school overseas, Ami wasn’t as responsive.
He thought it was because she was busy.
One day, he received a few pictures showing Ami hanging with her ex.
She was wearing the shirt that Harsh got her for her recent birthday.
These pictures were not old.
They were new.
The messenger bought receipts!
Receipts help someone turn off their emotional heart and engage their logical mind.
You can bring receipts such as witnesses, pictures, videos, etc.
But if you’re cool with them, receipts aren’t always needed.
Just a simple:
‘Hey bro. I saw X, Y, and Z. Just wanted to let you know.’
If you’re really cool with them, they will trust you without question.
If you’re not that cool with them, then I recommend creating a burner account and breaking the news to them.
Slide in their DMs and say:
‘Hey, your partner is not being faithful to you. You may want to come back from Orlando a bit earlier this Friday.’
You broke the news.
But you broke the news from afar.
Did you Do a Good Deed?
I was chilling with one of my friends recently.
He had just gotten married to a great girl.
She was caring, smart, and in love with him.
As I was talking to my friend, I was reminiscing about how much things changed.
Before this girl, he was dating a toxic girl named Jennifer.
Jennifer was the queen of love bombing…
One day, a guy saw Jennifer on a dating app, while she was in a relationship with my friend.
The guy who saw the active dating profile screenshotted it and sent it to my friend.
My friend confronted Jennifer, Jennifer admitted she was unfaithful, and then he ended it.
As me and my friend were talking, he told me something unique:
‘Dude, if that guy never sent me the screenshot of her dating profile, then I would have never known that she was cheating. Jenny was really good at hiding things.’
Just imagine how different his life would have been if he never got that screenshot….
The guy who broke the news to my friend did a great deed.
He altered a life story for the best.
It’ll sting to break the news to someone about their partner being unfaithful.
Sometimes, we can sweep it under the rug.
Other times, we have to break the news, otherwise, it will eat away at us.
As we break the news, some people will react poorly.
Don’t personalize their poor reaction.
It’s just them reconfiguring their perception of the fairy tale romance.
They are learning a real-world lesson right in front of you.
For more insights into emotional intelligence, check out Armani Archives: EQ Edition
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