Should You Take Dating Advice from Single People?
One time, I saw my barber ranting on Instagram. He said:
“If you don’t have kids, then don’t tell me how to raise mine!”
I thought that was reasonable.
Why would someone who doesn’t have kids tell someone how to raise theirs?
But in the real world, that’s not always the case.
A lot of people who don’t have something are more prone to telling others how to do it.
I remember when I was in undergrad, one of the fattest kids in my chemistry class was telling me how to build stronger arms.
I was furious.
“Dude, you probably haven’t seen your waistline in God knows how long, and you’re telling me how to be fit??”
I’m surprised by how bold people can be.
But let’s be objective about this:
- Can you not have something, but still give great advice on how to achieve it?
My Opinion on Whether Single People Should Speak on Relationships
This may be controversial, but yes, I think single people can give advice on relationships.
A lot of times, single people give great advice.
They’ve been in the dating scene for so long that they help couples appreciate one another:
“You really want to appreciate Mary, bro. I’m telling you, it’s tough out here for single people. Instead of starting over, invest in what you have.”
A lot of single people are single by choice.
Others are doing their best to find someone but are struggling.
That struggle is causing them pain.
And during pain, we build wisdom.
So, many of them have a grounded approach to understanding what bad interactions look like, and from there, they reverse-engineer what a good relationship looks like.
Also, a lot of single people spend time with themselves, which makes them introspective.
They begin to put words to human experiences that people in relationships often don’t.
People in relationships experience feelings and then move on, while single people have more time to articulate their inner world.
For all these reasons, single people can be a good resource for learning about relationships.
The Caveat
There are, however, a lot of people who were hurt and never healed.
Rather than healing, they decided to become content creators.
There’s a single girl on TikTok who gives sage-like advice.
Some of the things she notices make me wonder how she knows so much.
But she has a downside too…
She notices a little too much.
Sometimes, she reads into things that aren’t there.
For example, she once said that you shouldn’t go to a second spot after a first date.
If you’re on a coffee date and the guy suggests grabbing pizza afterward, she believes the girl should say no.
She put together some logic to justify that comment, but even her followers called her out.
One said:
“Normally, I agree with you, but this advice is destructive. Plenty of guys suggest a second spot if they’re having fun in the first spot. Why not just go with the flow?”
This girl was definitely hurt in the past.
Rather than processing her wounds, she learned to express herself too well.
But her explanations lacked wisdom.
They’re filled with ego, which may be her way of protecting herself from getting hurt again.
Having Aunties & Uncles in Your Squad
It’s easy to get lost in a rabbit hole.
I recall three years ago when the “red pill” movement was taking over the internet.
A ton of guys were online, talking about how they got destroyed in divorce court.
They were giving real-life examples and everything.
For a long time, I thought:
“Geez, getting married isn’t smart.”
So, for years, I dismissed the idea of marriage.
But as I gained more experience, I noticed that the same guys who talked about divorce for years slowly started talking about new topics.
When asked why, they said:
“Well, dating is dead now. Nowadays, the relevant thing to talk about is politics.”
I thought to myself:
Wow, so all of this was just for views?
A lot of times, you will have years wasted by a content creator you think is preaching the truth, but they’re just trying to get ad revenue.
That’s why it’s good to keep some uncles and aunties in your circle.
If your squad is all the same age, you might adopt the same beliefs and end up stuck in an echo chamber.
But uncles and aunties (especially Desi ones) have different opinions.
They don’t care about your feelings.
When I was getting into that red pill rabbit hole a few years back, a bunch of uncles and aunties were asking me questions that woke me up:
“Why the hell aren’t you married yet, boy?”
You don’t have to agree with them, but different opinions keep you grounded.
It’s harder to be swept away by silly ideas when you’re surrounded by diverse perspectives.
How to Discern Ego vs. Wisdom
Ultimately, there are people who give advice with their hearts, and others who give advice from their ego.
Those who give advice from their ego only prioritize their own experiences.
These single people are toxic and will set you back.
Many of them will break up happy relationships because of a “crabs in a barrel” mentality.
Every now and then, your single friends need to be able to push back on you.
If they always take your side, that’s not a good thing either.
The single friends who give advice with their hearts are those who actually listen.
They understand the nuances of human dynamics.
They may have just come out of a long relationship.
They deal with heartbreak firsthand and went through the pain, rather than avoiding it.
Ultimately, these people have a big perspective.
I know it’s hard to spot who’s genuine and who’s not, but over time, you’ll build that judgment after seeing what works and what doesn’t…firsthand.
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