Should A Relationship Be 50/50?

Before, there were traditional gender roles.

Women cooked, cleaned, and took care of the kids.

The men paid 100% of the bills.

In 2024, things have changed.

Nowadays, the traditional gender roles aren’t the norm.

There are relationships where the women work, the man changes the diapers, and the couple goes 50/50.

A lot of women are furious about this.

‘What happened to chivalry?’ they say.

50/50 is a hot topic in today’s generation.

What is 50/50?

50/50 is when everything is equal.

It starts off with money.

1 date, the guy pays.

On the next date, the girl pays.

The girl changes the diapers one day.

Then the guy changes the diapers the next day.

The good thing about 50/50 is that it removes subjectivity.

We can quantify what’s fair.

When one person always covers a task, they may grow resentful.

‘Why do I always have to do X task for?’

If they are always doing X task, then they will want some reward.

They will take more control over the relationship as their form of reward.

To avoid any confusion, many couples opt for the 50/50 dynamic.

My Problem with 50/50

If 50/50 works for you, then go for it!

My only problem with 50/50 is that in the real world, things aren’t always clean cut and equal.

Things are messy.

Maybe one person makes way more money than the other person.

Is it fair to split the bills then?

Or maybe one person has more cleanliness than the other person.

Is it fine to split the household duties then?

If they are equal for the most part, then I believe a 50/50 arrangement can be worked out.

However, in the real world, I’ve noticed that 50/50 doesn’t work.

One side leads, and the other side complements.

70/30 Rule

Nowadays, the discussion of splitting relationship duties is very polarized.

Either you go 50/50, or 1 person does everything.

There is no nuance.

My nuanced stance is to do the 70/30 split.

To follow this split, we need to distinguish between provider mentality and nurturer mentality.

The provider mentality is to take care of the bills:

• Make sure there is a steady stream of income, pay the bills on time, and build a rainy-day fund.

The nurturer mentality is to take care of the household:

• Turn a house into a home, cook and clean, and lead when guests are over.

If a guy covers 70 percent of the bills, then he should do 30 percent of the household tasks.

If the girl does 70 percent of the household tasks, then she should contribute 30 percent of the bills.

I believe this is a fair arrangement because 1 side is leading for a particular compartment in life, while the other is amplifying.

A lot of guys have no clue what to do when guests are coming over.

If the woman knows what to do, then he should adopt the sidekick role to her in that compartment of life.

The woman says:

‘Hey, can you pick up x, y, and z items for the grocery store?’

The guy complies.

He amplifies the woman’s nurturer role.

The bills are $5000 for the month.

The guy covers $3500, and the girl covers $1500.

Is that fair?

I believe so!

Why Relationships Crumble Fast in 2024

Before, all these ratios were done for us.

Societal norms dictated that the guy covers 100% of the bills and the girl does 100% of the household tasks.

But nowadays, things have changed.

If you can’t adjust, then you will have unnecessary fights for no reason.

A lot of women don’t want to quit their jobs and stay at home all day.

They studied for years to have a career and want to keep their job.

A lot of guys don’t want to cover all the bills.

They have other aspirations and want to put money aside to fund those dreams.

The problem reaches a fever pitch when one side becomes entitled.

I hear a lot of girls say:

‘My man better pay all my bills!’

So, they want a provider.

But when you ask them:

‘Are you going to cook for your man?’

She responds with:

‘What am I, his maid?’

She wants the perks of having a provider while not being a nurturer herself.

There are guys who go 50/50 with their girl with the bills.

But when he comes home, he expects her to do all the work.

Cooking, cleaning, changing the diapers, etc.

That’s not a fair setup for the girl!

You can’t expect her to cover half the bills and do all the household work.

If she covers half the bills, then you need to do half the work at home.

Finding a Ratio that Works for You

I just threw out the 70/30 number as a baseline for what works for me.

You can toggle with the numbers.

Another underrated one is 60/40.

The mainstream only talks about 100/0 or 50/50.

I think that’s surface-level thinking.

Those ratios will work with a lot of relationships, but not all.

And for those of you reading this thinking:

‘Geez, why is this guy making it so complicated with all these numbers??’

Just wait!

I’m telling you…

The dating landscape is way more confusing in this era.

We are living in the information age, and everyone who comes into the dating landscape has their own preconceived notions of the ideal life.

They have to scope through a bunch of information.

You don’t know what they heard from which podcast or book.

If you have no baseline numbers, then you just wing it.

Winging it will lead you astray.

She says:

‘I expect the guy to cover everything!’

You say:

‘What the heck? What an entitled attitude! Bye.’

2 different worldviews…

The quicker you have the tough conversations, the easier it gets later on.

If 50/50 works for you, then go for it.

If 50/50 doesn’t work, then experiment with different ratios.

For more honest breakdowns into relationships, subscribe to the ArmaniTalks free daily newsletter

– ArmaniTalks