Outgrowing People & Friends

You ever had that moment where you were super cool with someone…

However, as years passed, things changed?

Conversations that were once fire are now cold.

Topics that would get both of you excited now fall flat.

And there are more awkward silences?

This sort of stuff happens in the social skills world.

The social skills world was never meant to be fixed.

It’s dynamic.

Like the changing waves & weather.

There are a lot of similarities between the world of nature and the world of humans.

If you have the right perspective, then a lot of lessons present themselves.

What Creates a Friend in the First Place?

One of the most important words in the communication world is:

Resonation.

We do a lot of things due to that word.

Resonation is when there is a match in vibrations.

When we resonate with a story, our ears tune in.

When we resonate with a product, our wallet opens.

And when we resonate with a person, the friendship is born.

Resonation can happen quickly.

Resonation can happen over time.

Look at any friendships that you have.

Humans never become friends strictly with the head.

It may start off with the head… but it eventually graduates to the heart.

That’s what separates an acquaintance from a friend.

What Leads to a Resonation?

‘What are some key components that lead to a stronger resonation?’

Well, there are plenty of variables.

But a few stick out.

-Similar interests.

-Similar social circles.

-Grand visions for the future.

These are just a few.

Once we get to know someone on a deeper level, we get a feel for them.

The feel gives us what we call the vibe.

The vibe is the language of the subconscious mind.

You ever had that moment when something just didn’t feel right?

‘Idk man, something about that dude gave me a weird vibe.’

That’s the subconscious mind processing data at a rapid rate, then an interpretation is being assigned.

What’s not given enough focus is the exact OPPOSITE phenomena.

Where you don’t have much data on the person…

But for some reason, you are DRAWN to the person.

This is the opposite of the creepy vibe.

The subconscious mind can tell that this person has something that you will resonate with.

It’s just a matter of finding out.

When Resonations Disappear

‘I’ve had a lot of friends throughout my life. But many have come & many gave gone. Why?’

Outgrowing people & friends happens due to physical reasons & mental reasons.

Physical reasons are when geographic locations are bought up.

This is when one party moves away from the other party.

Moving neighborhoods, cities, states….country.

When a physical barrier is introduced, more importance is placed on communications technology.

Aka, social media, text messages, phone calls, etc.

Some friends are able to follow up through communications technology & maintain the social bond.

Other times, it’s even difficult to do that.

When the parties are not following up even thru technology, the connection dissipates.

Another reason can be due to mental reasons.

This is when the content of a conversation is changing.

One group is all about leveling up & evolving as a person.

While the other person is still living in the past.

Talking bout how they were the ‘man’ in college.

There are people who are pushing their 30s, still going to college parties.

This is a dude living in the past.

When the content of the mindset changes, now a mental barrier is introduced.

And a mental barrier is what we call the silent killer in friendships.

When Comfortable Silences Turn Awkward

You ever noticed the silence?

‘Ya. What about it?’

Well, silence has 2 effects.

It can either be soothing…

While at other times, it has the polar opposite effect.

It’s hella awkward.

Friends can often be silent around each other for a long time without it being weird.

While on the flip side, being silent for too long with an acquaintance has you feeling weird.

Well, when the silences go from soothing to awkward, that’s a red flag for friendships.

-One time, it’s one thing.

-Multiple times, it’s another thing.

The awkward silence is the warning sign for things to come.

This is a sign of outgrowing people.

The content of the mind is too different at this point.

Running out of conversation material.

The vibe feels weird.

Resonation…disappearing?

Can Lost Friendships Ever Be Salvaged?

One problem with some people who enter the self-improvement space is that they get carried away.

This is a newbie… Not a veteran.

Saw a dude on Facebook a while back saying that they were going to block a bunch of their friends for not wanting more out of life.

And then saw this person’s friend list dwindling away.

He was keeping up with his promise!

Since I was able to see his friend list, you can tell I wasn’t one of the guys deleted.

Whew!

But is it really “whew!” ?

This is a person who is quick to cut others off.

This is a person who wears self-improvement like a fashion sense.

‘Look at me, I’m improving. You should be like me.’

Ego move.

It’s better to leave communication lines open unless malice was involved.

‘Big word for me bro. What’s malice exactly?’

Malice = Bad intent.

Aka: a fake friend.

If the friend you outgrew didn’t do anything to backstab you…

Leave the communication lines open.

Friends may outgrow one another.

But no one ever said that they cannot grow back together.

Different experiences shape different people at different rates.

Although the strength of the friendship dissipated.

Content of the minds altered…

And resonation is low…

Leave the communication open.

Maybe one day, you 2 will reunite again.

Accepting the Social World & Growing Regardless

There are a lot of social principles we learn along the way.

It’s because the human dynamic is like an everchanging wave.

And each person’s subjective experience is different.

But by understanding the lessons from others, it’s easier to pick up the lessons for ourselves.

Becoming a social scientist in our life requires precision & practice.

Outgrowing people is just a part of life.

It’s not weird.

But beware, there’s a big difference between outgrowing people & incessantly burning bridges.

That’ll show if you’re in the wrong, they are in the wrong or that nothing is wrong.

Always make these decisions picturing the world is smaller than it is.

Because surprisingly, the world IS smaller than it is.

Unless malice was involved, operate with the assumption that you may see this person one day… again.

And hopefully, when you see them again, you can recall the good memories rather than being reminded of what went wrong.

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– ArmaniTalks