The True Meaning of Breaking The Ice

A large part of communication skills comes down to mindset.

That’s because of the fear of being judged.

One part of social skills that is feared is ‘breaking the ice.’

Otherwise, known as introducing yourself.

But it’s much more than an introduction.

It’s about building a bond with this stranger.

It’s about meeting this person at a similar wavelength, hopefully.

‘Why did you say hopefully?’

Because not all strangers are nice.

Some are catty.

And the person who breaks the ice needs to be okay with catty individuals.

It’s just the nature of the game.

Let’s understand the true meaning of breaking the ice.

Why Communication is About Mindset

Words are the byproduct of thought.

The thought is formulated and then it is converted into word format.

Poor communicators just focus on the words and completely disregard the mind.

And that’s what leads to communication quirks.

• Like polishing someone’s grammar and ignoring the message.
• And getting offended for a message ‘coming off’ a certain way.

‘Why do you tell me this Armani?’

Because right now, you may be focusing too much on the words.

And this is causing the fear of breaking the ice.

Getting caught up in words will make breaking the ice feel like a very scary task.

But in-depth communicators who understand that words are a byproduct of thought will use words, sure.

But won’t place too much importance on the words alone.

A simple ‘hello‘ beats ‘hello, how are you. My name is Tom and I am from Missouri. Just wanted to say hi because I thought it would be nice….‘

You can already tell who is the word communicator.

The True Meaning of Breaking the Ice

Breaking the ice becomes less daunting when an intention is assigned.

Without an intention, the conversation spins in circles.

If I tell you to go in the forest and walk, is that descriptive?

‘Not really.’

Why not?

‘Because you didn’t give me any specifics.’

What if I say, go to the forest and find me a big rock and a small rock, better?

‘Yea, that’s a lot better.’

Same with breaking the ice.

Let your big rock and small rock be the desire to find familiarity with the other person.

That’s the true intention in my opinion.

The common advice for breaking the ice is to ‘get to know them.’

But what does that exactly mean?

In my world, that makes me a word communicator rather than a mind communicator.

When you try to ‘get to know them’, you are mainly placing importance on them.

But what about you?

If you don’t place importance on yourself, then genuine curiosity can easily warp into an interrogation.

Why Familiarity Wins

When you make it the intention to find familiarity between you and the other person, now it becomes a game.

And more importantly, you are factored into the mix as well.

The true meaning of breaking the ice is to create an initial conversation that will break down walls and build bridges.

• Walls represent having a guard up.
• Bridges represent a connection being formed.

Walls are up whenever you approach a stranger.

It’s a crazy world we live in.

Strangers have common sense for having their guards up.

Bridges are always a possibility based on the other person.

Sometimes, others will turn down your bridge request.

I’ll be talking about that shortly.

By setting the intention to build familiarity, you make yourself the big rock, not the small rock.

And you make the other person the small rock.

With you leading the charge, you assign yourself the higher social value.

Much smarter.

Because when you approach a stranger like you are the high valued creature, subconsciously, they love it.

They feel important.

‘Why is this high valued individual approaching me from all people?’ they wonder.

That’s when you can ask questions or make statements to probe for familiarities.

‘Hypothetically, what if there are no familiarities?’

That’s not the point.

Simply setting the intention to find commonalities takes you on an adventure.

And even if you don’t find anything, you still went on an adventure with the other person.

How to Deal with Cold People

When I was in college, I was chilling with a bunch of my friends at the mall.

And this cute girl walks by.

I didn’t notice, but apparently, I was staring at her.

And my friends were like, ‘Armani, we see you looking.’

I chuckled.

Then they kept pushing me to talk to her.

I thought that was ridiculous.

I don’t even know her.

‘And that’s the point Armani. What’re the chances you’ll ever see her again?’ they asked.

After the peer pressure, I decided they were right.

I walked to her and asked her for the time.

Not kidding when I say this.

She responds back with, ‘fuck off! I don’t want to talk to anyone.’

And she said it in a way where all my friends heard.

I was embarrassed as hell.

And my friends were laughing nonstop.

To make matters worse, it’s not like I asked her a complex question.

It was simple.

Yet, she was rude.

That’s just the nature of the game.

By being open to moments of rejection, fearlessness is a byproduct.

The friends who encouraged me to talk to that girl eventually all moved out of Florida.

However, I talked to one of them last year.

As we were having the conversation, I asked him if he remembered the mall situation.

And he didn’t.

After reminding him for 15 minutes, he FINALLY remembered.

Lesson?

Even people who we think will never forget our mistake, will most likely forget.

Breaking the Ice When Appropriate

With the newfound knowledge of:

-aiming to build familiarity

and

-being okay with rejection

I want to give you 1 final word of warning.

‘Warning? That sounds scary.’

Not really.

Let me say ‘disclaimer’ instead of ‘warning.’

My disclaimer is:

Just because you know how to break the ice does not mean you have to break the ice with everyone.

That’s my personal philosophy.

Some people love talking.

Whether it’s with friends or strangers.

Others are more reserved and talk more when they have to.

This final disclaimer is for the people who do not always have to talk.

But when you talk, do so with some swag.

Remember, you are the high-valued creature.

And you are seeing what they have in common with you.

That’s the true meaning of breaking the ice.

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– ArmaniTalks